Skid and 'feeding' in my house.......
SS9 is fat and exercises ZERO. He sits on his fat ass and watches TV or plays video games all the time. He has a huge beer belly, backfat, rolls and cellulite. My bios 10 and 7 (boys too) are extremely active. one's too thin and the other just right.
that being said, I don't know how to 'feed' my kids more, which they obviously need and have the ability to burn off and at the same time not feed the skid. He will cry and complain it's not fair if one of them gets food and he doesn't. I can't let him eat as much as they eat, and I don't feel like I should deprive my healthy weight, growing kids of food just because fatass wants to stuff his face and then SIT DOWN for 3 hours.
Hubby and I are both very active, we both run 4x a week or weightlift, swim, etc. We don't always eat totally healthy but we have veggies and meat and usually another side dish for dinner every night, eat lots of whole foods/whole grains, etc.
I should just let the kid eat and get fat, what do I care, he aint my problem. I guess maybe its because i'm embarrassed about how he looks. I had like 5 or 6 different people over this past summer come to me and comment how FAT the stepkid got. Thankfully they know he aint my kid, but i'm weird about thinking that every stranger is STARING at me when i'm with him and judging me.
Thoughts???
How often do you have SS?
How often do you have SS? That will make a big difference....
24/7....baby momma's a drug
24/7....baby momma's a drug addict and out of the picture. I have him ALL THE TIME :((((
Ok, me too. I have a skinny
Ok, me too. I have a skinny skinny SS, and a chubby SD (would be very overweight if I wasn't in her) and BS is perfect.
I try to buy high calorie healthy snacks that SS likes, buy SD doesn't. She doesn't eat peanutbutter, so I buy peanut utter granola bats. And I buy fruit that she likes to hopefully encourage her that way. I pull her portion of food out of the pot before I add and butter to the food. I also make her plate slightly heavier on the veggie and lighter on the starch/carb. I make SS plate heavier on the carve and lighter on the veggie.
For breakfast SD likes cheerios and SS likes oatmeals. So SD gets cheerios with skim milk and SS gets oatmeal made with whole milk and a pat of butter. If there's ever a day where SD is in trouble I make sure to plan a heavy dessert to get extra calories in SS (no dessert for SD since she's in trouble)
Doesn't do much, but it keeps SS from being too too skinny, and it keeps SD at overweight and not obese.
But ultimately, they aren't my kids so I don't stress over it. If it was one of my BIOS with a weight problem is be all over it. But Dh isn't willingbto admit SD has a weight problem (dispute drs warnings) so I just make little adjustments where I can.
Great sneaky ideas! I would
Great sneaky ideas! I would "make" SS exercise and not LET him sit for so long... You have the power to make him lose the weight and after he starts losing the lbs, he will WANT to and WANT to stay fit.
trust me, it's my BIGGEST
trust me, it's my BIGGEST FEAR
I agree that I have to figure
I agree that I have to figure out a way to SNEAK my kids EXTRA food...that's ridiculous though! Why shouldn't SKID be told that if he exercises and runs around and plays like the others, he can eat more food.....I should not have to JUSTIFY myself, an adult, to a 9 year old kid. but his father has 'baby daddy guilt' over the kid having been abandoned by his mother for drugs, so he has always overcompensated, including feeding him whatever/whenever.
That guilt is probably your
That guilt is probably your biggest problem. My DH's daughter is terribly overweight. At 23, she has big dark circles under her eyes and just looks sick. She continues to eat candy, fast food, and junk, and drink regular soda and Monster beverages all of the time. DH's younger son, 19, is probably about 70 pounds overweight. His older son, 20, was over 300 pounds but lost a lot and looks great. I think he liked a girl in high school and decided to walk off the weight, and he did. However, his refusal to work and playing of video games 20 hours a day is going to send him back to the weight problem again if he is not careful.
BM gave them fast food and candy as they were growing up to "shut them up." It was her way of keeping them quiet. If they screamed for a Cheeseburger, they got it. The irony is that the kids misbehaved bc she taught them that rules did not apply to them. No boundaries, nothing. DH made the mistake of giving in to her, bc it got to the point where she and the kids were ganging up on him. When DH and BM split, DH "felt bad," too, and took them out to eat all of the time. When I met DH three years ago, he was still taking them out to eat and buying them crappy food.
DH stopped doing that (another story), but they are still eating terribly, especially the 2 with the weight issues. BM herself is very thin, and does not seem to mind that her kids are an unhealthy mess.
Your DH is going to feel a lot worse when his son gets bigger and bigger. The poor kid could have health issues that could be starting now. I feel bad for you, because it has to be awful to watch your SS live like this.
your child has food texture
your child has food texture issues? and you STILL make her EAT some of the food???? My stepson is autistic and has lots of food texture issues and gags on certain things but I would NEVER make him eat something that makes him vomit. find something else your kid will eat, don't force her to eat something that MAKES HER VOMIT, OMG!!!!
Um, wow. I agree with
Um, wow.
I agree with dledden.
Why force your kid to eat something that causes her to VOMIT?
Sigh. Somedays I want to climb a mountaintop and scream, "WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD PARENTS GONE?!?!?!" Ok, rant over.
Stepmomma, perhaps you could discuss this "plan" of yours with her pediatrician?
My skid could make himself
My skid could make himself vomit to get out of eating vegetables. A lot of kids can make themselves vomit by working themselves up. If SMiH's kid can eat the food without vomiting after a few introductions then I see nothing wrong with encouraging her to eat them.
Needing exposure to a new food or texture is a lot different than having a disorder like autism that make eating those textures like torture.
My skid now eats all foods (other than spicy) without complaint and actually loves some of the vegetables he used to make himself throw up over.
You are the adult. Which
You are the adult. Which means you have to do what's best for his health and well-being. I don't care if he whines, screams, cries, yells, whatever. He isn't able to make smart food decisions on his own. Good news, you don't have to radically makeover your cooking or meals. Substituting low fat sour cream, low fat milk, low fat yogurt is a great and easy start. And it won't affect the others in the family. Another important thing is portion control. For example, a healthy serving of meat for a growing boy is palm-sized. It should be clear to him why his food intake is being limited. However, if you have to explain it to him, make sure that you stress that he is unhealthy, rather than "fat and disgusting".
The other part of the equation is exercise. He needs to at least walk. And that means you have to force him. Take him for a mile walk. He will complain and protest, but again, you are the adult. His well-being is in your hands.
As far as your underweight son, as long your pediatrician thinks there is nothing wrong (colitis, worms, etc.) then don't worry about it. Often times boys grow taller before they fill out. He should eat until he's full (not until the plate is clean) and switching to low-fat won't negatively affect him.
It's the right thing to do. And I really wish you luck.
As the adult, I make sure the
As the adult, I make sure the problem is TOLD TO DAD. It's HIS KID...HIS PROBLEM. Kid goes to p/t and o/t once a week. that's DADS JOB to get him there, not mine. My kids go to their own therapies for ptsd, etc. from what my ex did to me...i take care of those. We were at the PEDS appt this year and she asked what EXERCISE HE GETS....dad tried to say, gym class, pt ot, etc. she said NO THATS NOT EXERCISE. she then started hitting dad with 'whgat time do you get home from work? ok, when you get home and eat dinner, take that kid for a walk for 30 minutes EVERY NIGHT"...lol, like walking a fuckin dog, good god. anyway, he has done it ONCE......my husband doesn't do SHIT. I love him dearly, but if you want something done, you have to do it yourself, cuz he'll shrivel up and die before it gets done. brief history: hubby and his own parents ignored the doctors diagnosis of autism when stepkid was a 2 year old. let him go for FOUR MORE YEARS with zero treaments! 4 more years, i sound like a presidential re election committee. but i kid you not. he even kept the kid out of kinder when he was 5 evemn though he made the birthday cutoff cuz he 'didn't think he was ready'....bullshit, more like he mnwanted another year to keep the kid at home and IGNORE his diagnosis!!! I'm an ADVOCATE for this kid, but i'm not going to do the dad's job or him......
I completely agree with you
I completely agree with you that your DH needs to step up and be responsible. And, unfortunately it is clear that he is not doing so.
When you say "not my kid, not my problem", it's not entirely true. It has clearly become a problem for you because looking at the fat, disgusting turd makes you angry, frustrated, and disappointed in your hubby.
I agree that it really isn't your job to whip your skid into shape, but if you want your situation to improve, you will obviously have to take matters into your own hands because your DH is inept.
Of course this is your choice. If it is easier to complain, and harbor resentment, then do it. That's why this site is so wonderful. You can unload your frustrations and struggle on. But if you really want to fix the problem, you will have to step up and do something that shouldn't have to fall on your shoulders...but so be it.
Is being over weight a
Is being over weight a symptom of being autistic, or is it common? The reason I ask, is that of the 5 kids I can thing of right now that are autistic they are all over weight. Most have a gluten/food allergy problems. What does the ped say about his weight and/or eating habits?
i try to send him outside, i
i try to send him outside, i get the manipulative meltdown. his father needs to step up and do his job and make the kid go outside. NOT MY KID NOT MY JOB
Maybe you can correct me, but
Maybe you can correct me, but I also understand that there are some studies that link a gluten/wheat heavy diet with increased autistic behaviors?
That would probably account for the Gluten Free diets. Less gluten/wheat leads to more manageable symptoms.
Or at least that's what has been broadcast. I know Jenny McCarthy wrote a book about putting her autistic son on a gluten free diet and how it helped her manage his symptoms. I don't know if there is any actual credibility to it, but it was heavily publicized at one point.
My friend whose daughter has
My friend whose daughter has autism is also on a gluten free diet. The Dr. told her the child had a very visibile case of "wheat belly" and gluten allergies. Interesting correlation.
i know many people with
i know many people with autistic children who are normal weight, even skinny. mine overeats and doesn't exercise. plain and simple.
Well, you can "feed" or
Well, you can "feed" or "stuff" all the kids with healthy stuff.
I wouldn't withhold food from SS.
I wouldn't refrain from feeding your DSs.
Just stock your house with healthy foods and snacks. Hard to be obese if that's all you eat...even if you don't exercise. AND it's good for your bios, too!
win-win
COMPLETELY DISAGREE... ..if
COMPLETELY DISAGREE... :jawdrop: ..if you feed your face all day with healthy, but very fattening GRANOLA, for example, you're gonna get fat as shit.....
Dledden, I was thinking
Dledden,
I was thinking fruits and vegetables.
I thought everyone knew that granola was high in fat. ;P
My ds now 11and at 9 was
My ds now 11and at 9 was overweight lazy and boredom ate. He wanted TV and video games and I found hidden half eaten stuff in his room a lot. I tried portioning encouraged exercise etc it lead to some of the worst fits from him and more food sneaking. Then I showed him what could happen if he kept it up diabetes amputated limbs and blindness from it meds injections and diabetic diet heart disease pictures of clogged arteries surgeries and stories of heart attacks and stroke. I was blunt and graffic, then I put him in jfl football and told him like it or not he would play a whole season and go to all practices. He got his dad to refuse to take him to equipment pick up. (Ibwas out if state for the week) I came back called the coach got the equiptment paid for everything myself and pulled my I have sole custody card. I went to every practice he'd whine say it was hard and he wasn't going to do it but his teammates and coaches were awesome encouraged him and worked with him. One coach would get on him and another would praise the good stuff. It worked he lost weight and looked healthier. Over the winter he gaines weight again and he's back to football he's already slimmer than at the end of last season he likes the friends he's made and he's really come a long way in skill. He's thinking over learning boxing over the winter to stat in shape.
he doesn't steal food anymore he asks less for snacks he doesn't tend to boredom eat and bonus he's doing better behavior wise in school and at home and his dad should has gone from "I won't force him to play!" Supporting him and saying he should have him over on non practice work days to practice together. So point is his dad needs to force the issue and everyone support it diet alone wont change the path he's on. My son looks great and he's proud of himself.
I think limiting is
I think limiting is essential. This is a huge problem, not just with overweight kids, but other issues, like lack of sleep. I worked with quite a few teens last year who were exhausted because they were up all night playing video games.
You are right, it only gets worse. When I look at my DH's daughter, I cringe. She is 23 and has to be at least 150 pounds overweight. She has always been heavy, and it is just getting worse. She wanted to move in here, continue to work pt only, and lay around, which is what she does at BMs now, bc I will not allow her to come here. It is really sad. She is also very angry, and I think her weight is a big reason. She has a very pretty face, but when you see her, you see more of a sick person, she looks that bad. She works in a fast food place, and eats that every day, which is another problem.
This is what will happen with the OP's SS, but her DH has blinders on. I think my DH, did, too. My MIL always said the kids would grow out of their weight. Sure has not happened.
The problem is that the kid
The problem is that the kid comes home from school at 3pm. Hubby gets home at say 6pm. His kid should be outside playing with my kids or whatever for at least an hour after school. but he doesn't. and he whines when i try to force him. honestly, if he were my kid i'd grab him by the hair and force him out the door and lock it behind me. but my kids are neurotypical kids, he's autistic. physical activity is not his friend. BUT it's what he needs most! I"m not putting up with his bullshit meltdown crying attitude about it though, that's HIS DADS PROBLEM! I deal with my kids issues, he deals with his. I limit what the kid eats, best I can do. but i'm NOT going to force my kids to go hungry when they are running around exercising and need sustenance and then let the overweight kid come in and 'demand' food because it's 'not fair' that they get to eat and he doesn't. touch shitty said the kitty!
What about giving your kids
What about giving your kids their snacks to take outside to eat. If SS wants some too, then he goes outside with it to play. Even if he's just outside to eat, atleast he's outside. Once that becomes habit start making him (and your boys too) play for XXX number of minutes before snack time. Only those children still outside playing gets a snack.
I think that's great for
I think that's great for a.neuro-typical child, her SS has autism. She hasn't said how severely he is affected, but from what I gather its bad enough that she isn't able to enforce excersise without Dh's help. He doesn't seem capable of making good choices in this aspect.
All my sd eats is chicken
All my sd eats is chicken nuggets.....and sadly she looks like a giant one....