Different values learned no meeting in the middle for bd or ss.
:? myself and my dw are not agreeing on disciplinary actions for her bs who lives with us and our bd. Growing up I was taught to respect elders, listen to parents and obey their wants,(at least to a major degree) and to give help to others. My ss doesn't have many friends he hangs out with often and spends a lot of time on the computer playing games. Not even reading his e-mail which has direction and answers for him. He does have less time cause of school/after school events. However there is very little or no discipline when he does not do his given chores or when he is asked to help but refuses due to selfishness--("I don't want to"). dw feels that is okay and just let it go or she will give proper direction to him on said difficulty. ss15 is an only child of 12 years. dw is an only child which does give us different upbringings. Been trying to discipline ss but have been some unfairness in my decisions. I have little or no control on this topic. as far as bd3.5 she is not like ss15 when he was her age. bd has lots more energy and less laziness. I think I'm gonna go bald sooner than expected. Any Ideas????
Haha...going bald. Well
Haha...going bald. Well without more specifics it sounds more to me like she's not Guiding or pushing him to do what he needs to do vs not disciplining him for doing or saying something wrong. Sounds as if she has not made any effort to help him develop socially either-- tough to have no friends at that age. So instead of actually doing the work of parenting him into a well-balanced all around kid, she lets him retreat to his PC and do lord knows what in there. Seems she is failing to teach him some key aspects of being an adult such as taking initiative, taking care of his responsibilities, doing chores to clean up after himself, etc. That's a problem for sure, but ah, not yours.
If she wants him to loaf through life barely accomplishing anything then so be it. He's too far gone at his age for you to have much impact. Don't say anything more to him about his lack of living. Don't say anything to your wife either; she's not changing after all this time and the damage is already done. When he is shiftless adult living in your basement, who won't get off her teat, maybe then she'll learn the mistakes of not requiring any effort out of a kid.
Now you are in coping mode and best way to cope is to disengage from that situation. Just make sure you stay involved in your child's life so that she'll have the guidance and direction needed.
I agree mostly because he is
I agree mostly because he is still a good person just really lazy. his computering I'm sure is nothing but games, he loves gaming online with other players. I always felt that there may not be any direction to create a want. Most people have at least 1 great want in life, can't really pick one with ss15 or dw. thanks for your input, that is why we r here.