Hurting but don't want her back either
Forums:
I made my first post yesterday and thank you to all the wonderful people that gave me such healing advice.
I am new to this site and I in awe of how supportive everyone is. 
SD17 had a fit and moved out 6 months ago, lying to everyone that we kicked her out. She was grounded and so decided she should live with her friends. BM is the legal parent but SD17 had run away from her home there to come to us for 3 months only to leave again.
My issue is that I do miss her, and am feeling really guilty and hurt. She won't talk to me, not sure why, and it is upsetting me that she has cut us out... yet I really don't want to have to deal with her drama anymore either! Still, it is hurting to be cut of her life like this.
How crazy am I? :?
It isn't crazy to feel hurt
It isn't crazy to feel hurt when someone you care for rejects you, & it isn't crazy to miss the person she was.
It seems your SD is under the impression that when life gets difficult in one place you run away to the next.
She got miffed with BM & ran away to you. She got miffed with you & ran away to her friends. It sounds like a problem that lies within her...not you.
It is anything but wrong to discipline a child who needs it. You grounded her. You didn't beat her. You didn't neglect her. You corrected her & she didn't like it. That doesn't make you wrong for doing it.
So, while I understand it's easier said than done, please try to recognize that this isn't something for you to feel guilt over.
That said, she's still a minor. Do you know where where she is? Do you know that she's safe?
wow, I felt very emotional
wow, I felt very emotional when I read "it isn't crazy to miss the person that she was". She is also into a lot of partying and we do not care for who she is, but miss who she was. That nailed it on the head.
We do know where she is and that she is safe. However, we have to keep a bit of distance as she tends to call the police and Child Services on people she feels are harassing her. Her BM (a destructive woman) has had a file open on her already. Still, DH tries to see her about once a month for coffee and CFS is checking on her as well.
I would stay out of it. SD16
I would stay out of it. SD16 basically left our house after suing us to live with BM. We gave up and I am still angry at her for costing us thousands emotionally and financially. Now, DH sees her once every 6 months if she is up to something...But, I want nothing to do with her drama. Do I feel guilty? YES, but not enough to want her BS back in my life. Stay out of it. She has to grow up and this is honestly the best way. She has to deal with the consequences of her actions.
HOLY CATS! I think we had
HOLY CATS! I think we had the same kid! :jawdrop:
Yes, we had a big legal bill years ago the first time both steps gave us a heaping does of BS about wanting to be with us full time... until the assessor came to talk to them.. Go figure. Thank you for your advice
Wow, that hurt to read it,
Wow, that hurt to read it, but there is truth in it - thank you
You're not crazy at all.
You're not crazy at all. I've been going through something really similar. SD18 is telling everyone we're kicking her out when all she has to do is keep her room and bathroom clean and she has everything else. She and her half-sister cocked up this idea that she was going to go live with her 4 hours away but she has enrolled in the army and is suppose to deply end of Oct. However, she took it all upon herself without discussing it with dad and I that she wanted to transfer her paperwork and all to Dallas. Well, when the army found out what she wanted to do at the last minute like this, they chewed her out and told her if she moved she can kiss her job and career goodbye. Hehehehehe. We were pleased because half-sister controls her life like a mother instead of an older sibling. Go figure. We've had many a fight over this. Anyway, she's with us now till end of October. I'm counting the days till she deploys. Yeah!!!!!!
Courage. You're not responsible for her actions and you don't need to think you're crazy. That's just a teen using whoever there happens to be there. You could be anyone and she'd treat that person the same way. I try to keep reminding myself the same thing everyday. It's hard but we'll get through this.
Hugs
((HUGS)) Thank you for
((HUGS)) Thank you for sharing, Nana2, and thank you for helping me through this