Help! Need advice RE new partner and step father role!
Hi I'm new here so bear with me, I have been with my partner 17mths and I have a 2yr old, my son does not see his bio dad and my partner has a son of 3yrs and he does not see him due to a messy divorce and fighting in court. My son and partner get on well as friends but since my
Partner hasn't been allowed to see his son he has backed off from us and the family type things, he finds it too hard and feels guilty but I am angry as he has been in my sons life for a while and seen all his best bits and now backs off, how do I cope with tis situation? He says he understands we come as a package and is ok with that but doesn't think he wants full on family life due to is circumstance. We are in love and see our future together but I worry how I will cope with this, Any advice please!
Thanksicamonhere for support
Thanksicamonhere for support not a a reaction like that, I NEVER have or would push hiim He has been the one to instigate a relationship I even asked him to not come to my place and he wanted to build that relationship with him so thanks for the judging me and I am so not in a place being bitter towards my ex and him not being involved I had a welcomed escape and I am plenty for my son it's jus a bonus for my son havin my partner, the issue is how do I play it now going from him parenting my child (his choice) to now where he doesn't want to.
New wife is right. This is
New wife is right. This is a site where everyone is supportive and tries to help you with the truth... not just what you want to hear.
You say you consider it a bonus, but it is bothering you that he has backed off.... perhaps part of that is because you came to expect it?
Also, even with fighting, unless there is some major issue of safety of the child your partner should have SOME form of visitation if he is willing to go after it. I would be asking more questions about that if I were you, just to make sure you are getting the full story.
Be good to hear a bit more
Be good to hear a bit more our role because now for me the line is blurred as I'm used to it being one way and I'm happy to adapt as its still early days and my son is omg enough but I don't get what is ok and what isn't regarding family stuff, to me that's just being around my son and he sees it as big farm days out or kids parties. What kind of role do you take now? I like that it's just me and my son and then I have a partner but it just got a bit intense and now we are finding a new set up.
Thankyou that's why this is
Thankyou that's why this is hard cos I hate seeing him feel that way about his son and I have and will always continue to do whatever I can to support I'm with his son u are right about abou how men see things
This* is what he is doing
This* is what he is doing althought he's not likely to have read this. Thousands of step-parents need to do what he's doing. From your point of view its a mixed blessing but all and all I'd let him go his own way. Facing reality you can't force him and with luck things will go better for him with his own kid and he'll turn around. Or he just might, in time, re-direct his parenting needs onto your kid.
By the way don't have children with this guy in hopes he'll fold in your kid into a family unit. It usually doesn't work and it just makes it worse on your child seeing him Daddy his step-brother and 'ignoring' him.
* http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Thankyou that makes sense and
Thankyou that makes sense and a bit better as I do jump to conclusions just because it started out like a perfect little family and since chAnged so very award to adjust but I get why.