Wow, what a drama. Your husband needs to run his own life and stop following orders from his crazy ex wife. I wouldn't listen to this woman for one moment. He needs to tell her to back off and stop with the demands they are no longer married.... Support your husband with ignoring his ex and think about his life and you.

-happy mom

Wow, for a moment I thought I was reading all about my bf and his ex. Right down to the adopting his ex's 2 children both from different men and then after having another one together, she conviced him to have a vasectomy, because she didn't want any more kids. She then cheated on him more than once and asked him for forgiveness and he did time and time again. He quite counting after the 5th time. She then asked for a divorce and she then had a baby with the man who she is now engaged too.
As for you having second doubts because of the baggage, I can relate to that also, because I am having serious second doubts. It can seem overwhelming, especially when they won't stand up to the ex. I know there have been many fights about this between my bf and I. It seems that the only thing that we ever fight about is her and her rediculous demands. All I can say is that it doesn't seem right that the ex is causing problems between us. I guess that by working together and coming to some mutual understanding it is possible to get beyond the ex.
Don't throw away your chance at happiness if you truely love this man because of some deranged woman. As for dealing with the children set down your rules and stick with it, if he is willing to stand by you then thing will work out. I know that is what I did and he has started to see what I have been telling him and when it comes to his children we have a united front.

As far as the ex goes, remember that old adage from elementary school "if you ignore them they'll go away"? It's really hard but you guys need to set down some ground rules when it comes to dealing with her. Her psycho demands cannot be commended. The only reinforcement from you guys should be when she does something relatively normal. Neither of you can be forced to be at her beck and call.

I feel so bad for you guys that you have to deal with this type of behavior from kids that aren't even really his. You need to set down some ground rules with each other regarding them, too. It will be difficult because I'm sure biomom will be accepting of their spoiled and neurotic behaviors when they're at her house, but you need to let them know without coming out and saying it that those behaviors will not be smiled upon at your house. Both of you need to present a united front with the kids. He can't back down or not support you when you put your foot down. If you guys show any weakness they'll find it and exploit it.

And as far as leaving him because of the baggage - eventually things will get better. Do some soul-searching and figure out if you could stand a life without him, or if you would feel guilty or cheated out of happiness if you left him because the situation is tough. I honestly believe that when you brave the storm and work through the rough patches it makes the relationship that much stronger and more special. No one will blame you for leaving him, but know that you have a whole network of women on here that are going through a lot of what you're going through, and we're here to offer advice and support when we can.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Well.. I hate to say it but by law them kids are his.. I know a man who had the same issue.. Adopted these two kids.. and then she got pregnant by someone got a divorce, kept his diceased parents house and got remarried to another.. IS this the same story or what. I know he pays support for the children but they never see him.
Maybe that is an option.. Pay the money and forget the visits.. The kids do not sound like they really care if they see him or not.. SO ask the ex if #1. he can sign off all rights? #2. Just pay the support and no visitation.
If they were his bio kids I would probably feel differently, but they are not. He has a real chance at happiness and he needs to forget the past..
Also the braces, going thru the same thing. My husbands ex says the daughter wants braces for senior pics in 2 years and the amount of money after insurance is abot $3000.. I told my husband no way we cannot afford any of that right now.. So she is not getting them. To bad so sad, We have to live as well.

... but I think once you are married, things will get worse. I am not saying leave him by any means. I am saying, prepare yourself. Read books, go to counseling together as a couple, talk to each other about every possible situation you can. Ready yourself for war. At times being in a blended family can feel that way. There are so many wonderful days, and I love my husband with every ounce of my being. But there are days that a simple "stick out your tongue" moment from an 11 year old is enough to want to send you packing. Before I got married, we had very few issues where we would have opportunity to see the "future" family we were bringing together. I.E., no problems. Beginning the day we got married, all hell broke loose. I love my husband, and my family, but its very hard. I say move forward with your boyfriend, but ready yourself. The more prepared and knowledgeable you are, the better.