SD has become Bridezilla
My SD (21) has become engaged. She is still in college and lives with us and has since she turned 18 and the child support payments stopped. I have been assisting her in the wedding planning since her Bio Mom has as little to do with her as possible and now lives out of state(don't know the whole story there).
Well anyway, the wedding was suppose to be simple. Then, bridezilla appeared. It has gotten more and more expensive and she wants to invite everyone she has ever known so the can she she is a bride (her words). Well, she also needed a summer job, so since my employer was hiring she wanted me to put in a good word for her. I did and she got hired. It is a VERY good paying job with lots of overtime available. So she was going to help with wedding expenses. That lasted 3 weeks and she quit because when she was working she "didn't have time to do anything else" and her friends were having fun. Well DH was furious that she quit. I am also angry that she would be so irresponsible especially after I went to HR to get her hired. So DH was going to put a limit on the wedding and have her scale it back since she is no longer contributing. (BTW- Bio mom and fiance's parents are not contributing anything either.) We agreed on what we were going to contribute. Then we sat down with SD and DH started to tell her she needed to scale back the guest list. She started a "meltdown" aka temper tantrum about how since she HAD to invite family and my friends (4 couples who are OUR friends) she didn't have enough invitations to invite the people she wanted. SO DH caved. Without consulting me, he arbitrarily gave in to her demands and more to keep her from having the meltdown. He completely disregarded our discussion and my feelings.
This is typical of her. She uses meltdowns to manipulate, alone with other tactics. So now there are problems between me and DH. I am terrible because I want to limit how much she spends on the wedding. Her "simple" wedding is now 3X the cost of our much more elaborate wedding with yacht club reception 2 years ago. My husband just says "It is what she wants." Well, it's my money too. I earn nearly what he does and feel I should have some say in the amount spent. I am very willing to give her a nice wedding but we aren't rich and cannot spend the amount she expects.
So DH and I are on the outs because he disregarded our agreement and gave in to her tantrum. I am now at the point where I want nothing to do with any of it and not sure where our relationship goes from here.
THAT IS SO TRUE realmccoy.
THAT IS SO TRUE realmccoy. And yet this is so the one weapon we rarely use, having so often been on the butt end of it from BMs. Time to reclaim it for SMs and live up to the stereotype! }:)
Not pregnant. But she thinks
Not pregnant. But she thinks at 21 she's already a spinster or so she informed me. (I didn't get married until I was 44.) She has friends getting married so she thinks she needs to as well. (after all it's more about being a bride and getting the attention than anything else) DH comment was "what are we suppose to do? Tell them they can't get married?" Well, yes. Granted they are both adults and can do what they want but that doesn't mean we have to condone it. When my opinion was asked for I said they both need to graduate from college and get jobs first, then it would be ok to talk about getting married. As you can see, no one listened.
You originally agreed to pay
You originally agreed to pay just so much for the wedding as it was described to you. DH and SD changed plans without consulting you. In the business world, which SD chose to drop out of for her 'happiness', this is considered a verbal contract. If a business gave you a quote for work in your house, then decided on their own to change the work and increase the cost without telling you, you would have a right to not pay them for the additional cost. Let DH pay for the increase in cost if it is so important to him. You are more than generous to contribute what you originally offered.
It's becoming less and less
It's becoming less and less the norm for parents to pay for weddings. It is after all just a continuation of the old custom of payment to get rid of a girl. What a insult.
If you have any ability to control the money use it.
I'm living in a wedding
I'm living in a wedding planning potential hell moment myself...I hear you! The emotional roller coaster of this all can be overwhelming.... No matter how involved you think you are, eventually this is about your husband and his relationship with his daughter. If he won't place any limmitts then that it is it...You can't fight this alone...regardless if you are right.... Is there a way for you to step back? Perhaps disengage from the process?