Do you and your husband discuss money when it involves sd?
The sd has started taking gymnastics and has been asked by the teacher to join the competitive cheer team.
The other night I over heard my husband on the phone with the ex. He told her he didnt care how much it cost and if he had to work over to go ahead and tell her she can do it.
This really floored me. I havet said anything to him yet, but its great that he is so gung hoe on this, but with competitive cheerleading there is a price tag.
Its not that I am mad that she is getting to do it, but its the fact that he discusses NOTHING with me. Personally, I would had told the ex, well, I dont see it being a problem, but let me discuss it with my wife.
Doe I have a point or do I need to just shut up.
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As long as it does not affect
As long as it does not affect me at all our our combined bills it is fine. I told her "If you pay for something I don't want to hear how broke you are after" FDW has been getting a lot better in the last few months just saying no to SD and SS.
I think she is finally getting it. lol
Hey youre lucky to have a BM
Hey youre lucky to have a BM that actually discusses it. We have clear boundries, we spend exactly HALF the cost for whatever they are doing with BM at Christmas we spend exactly half of what we spend on our kids cause BM can make up the rest. For a long time BM would tell them they just couldn't do extra things because of money without even asking us which pissed me off because it just fed fuel to the fire of "Your dad can't support you so we have to struggle." Which is BS and now the kids know they can ask.
Do you share finances? I do
Do you share finances?
I do not, so I don't say anything about what SO spends. If he wants to waste money, as long as it doesn't affect me, I don't care.
It isn't just the financial
It isn't just the financial cost. What about the time commitment? Is this child a good student etc? Can she keep up with all her schoolwork and the commitment to the team?
Yes, if it affects your household in any way (financially or timetable-wise) it should be discussed with you. If she has a team commitment and you were all going away for the weekend then either he would miss seeing her perform or he would miss going on a trip with you. If he has to work overtime to pay for additional expenses then this affects your marriage. Time away from home to fund his child's activity that you did not have any say on.
Thats my whole beef.
Thats my whole beef. Finacial cost is nothing..we can handle that. But, we have already done the gymnatics thing an quit mid season and we could not get refunded. She is lazy and her mother put he in them without us knowing it. Then when the first payment is due she calls and tells my husband.
Well, hell, my husband probably knew about it, but for some reason or another he leaves out all the details and I dont ask about his kids. Becasue he know I call it like I see it!
Oh no honey...not before asking HIS WIFE!
Anything that goes out of his wallet involves ME. Anything that takes time away from our marriage involves me. If he just wants to work extra he discussed it with me. If it's something important such as SS16 joining all the football teams he discussed how much effort/ cash needs to be allocated with me first as it affects our household.
It took YEARS to get to this point but DH now knows.
BM calls for $. He talks to me first(even $20). BM wants to change the schedule. Yup. Talks to me first. BM drunk dials him with nonsense at noon on a weekday Yup you got it . He tells me first.
It took a lot of effort , tears and arguments for him to understand the way things need to be and it helped that problem BM is a crazy neglectful idiot.
I'm acknowledging here that it is indeed harder for SMs of SDs (I have 2 SS ) because men have that protective instinct heightened when it's a daughter. You have to really be in it for the long haul and tackle one issue at a time with super patience. I couldn't do it if I had 2 little minI BM running around.
I would like to suggest you taking the time to think what would be a reasonable allowance for the daughter's cheering. Find a number you are comfortable with and talk to him as if it is a done deal that he will not go above this number. Yup don't wait for him to ask your opinion just tell him what you want. Do not budge from that number.( Even if that number is zero). If he goes over or tries to circumvent you then he gets treated to the natural consequence of his actions. Do all of this calmly .
Note: another point that bears repetition is that nobody gets everything /how much/however and whenever they want in life. This NEVER happens in real life. It is setting the daughter up for failure if a boundary is not established early. What will happen of she wants a Lexus or a diamond encrusted tiara. The answer will be of course not. So since he said whatever she wants you get to set a limit on that. Time to act like an adult and teach the child about REAL LIFE as chances are she will not marry a prince.