SD gets preferential treatment over SS's
My SK's aren't all bad...I hope I haven't painted the picture that they are. But why is it that when SS's get in trouble for something, DH can scream and holler and dole out punishment to SS's without a second thought but if SD does something wrong, it's soft talk and understanding from DH when dealing with her??
I know...it's Daddy's little girl, but come on. She's not perfect either.
Why don't the SS's get the same compassion??
DH is only setting up SD to look like some kind of angel and then the problem starts when she does something wrong and he thinks I'M the one being too harsh. DH believes I'm too hard on SD because SD reminds me too much of BM. This is not the case....a sneak is a sneak and a liar is a liar...no matter what kid it is.
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I often ask myself that hard question...
If I am hard on SD because she reminds me of BM. The truth is yes. But it's because she does the same crazy manipulative, sneaky, lying things that BM does. So really....it's SD's actions that cause me to come down hard on her.
In our case though DH only has SD (I have two sons and we share a BD together) so he isn't able to show a preference that way. Though we both are nicer to my younger son. This is because he has admirable traits of respecting us, being motivated, helpful, etc. Both my 13 yr old BS and DH's 13 yr old BD have issues with all of those things and always have.
It's a tough one.
Peace, love, and red wine
In that way, you're right Zenmom
In the ways that SD is manipulative, sneaky, lying and let's not leave out hateful...even to her own brothers...she reminds me of BM but I can honestly say, that has no bearing on my treatment of her...just her behavior.
I will never be able to convince DH of this. I think partly because when he looks at my son (his SS) DH sees this boys dead-beat Father.
Just the difference in the species I suppose.
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
I am so lucky there
DH and I are both realistic about our kids. We have talked about their assets and their flaws equally. The problem for DH is that BM is so difficult, and my ex, his wife and DH and me all get along. My exH is remodeling our basement. The contrast makes it harder for DH, you know? BUT...if BM wasn't nuts DH would have stayed married to her so I guess I have that to be thankful for
Peace, love, and red wine