I’ve spent the last two days talking to admissions counselors for programs for troubled teens and it’s insane that there really are no options for dealing with a girl like SD15. It’s so frustrating that the legislation meant to “protect” kids has taken away all the options for parents.

There’s no sending her to some sort of boot camp that will straighten her out. It seems like all the camps/schools/programs for troubled teens focus on things like building self-esteeming. They’ve all been pussified by all the lawsuits and are all therapy based programs that are severely limited by laws and honestly seem more scared of what a kid could do to destroy their business than actually helping these kids learn to follow rules and discipline.

I’m at a loss as to what to do with her if she does have to come live with us (she is currently living with her aunt & uncle in another state, but she wants to move back to her home state and says she’s going to do it whether DH approves or not. If she does run away, then DH says he has no choice but for him to drag her butt back here). SD told him she absolutely refuses to live here and threatened to make our lives a living hell if he forces her to move back here.

While part of me would love to see my DH step up and tell her that she’s living here whether she likes it or not, I do not want to deal with what she will do to retaliate, especially the impact that will have on my DS and what she might do to him.

So, I’m back to wanting to send her to some sort of program for troubled teens (I had been looking for one last summer), but I cannot find any that would work and the lack of options is very frustrating.

I would love to send her to a boot camp style program, but there aren’t any except for kids who have been arrested for serious crimes or gang activity. After all the lawsuits and news stories about kids dying at boot camp style programs, most were closed and most are now outside of the US.

SD15 has not escalated to the point where she is in trouble with the law or is doing drugs (that we know of). Her issues are simply being utterly and totally defiant towards her father and me.

When she was living with us last year, she intentionally failed 9th grade and would do things like throw away her homework that her dad made her do rather than turn it in just to piss him off. If she chooses to do well in school, she can. This school year living with her aunt & uncle she is an honor roll student and scored high enough on the PSAT that she’ll probably be a National Merit Semifinalist. But as soon as we make her move back here, she will go back to failing as a way to retaliate. She doesn’t give a crap about her future, only getting her way.

She refuses to comply with anything her father says. She insists she’s an adult and wants her dad to f**k off and leave her alone and to live with her half-siblings back in her home state.

I spoke to an admissions counselor from one of the more academic therapeutic boarding school who said SD15 would first need to complete another treatment program or wilderness camp before being admitted so she would be less defiant, realize she needs to change and be willing to participate in their program. (If she was willing to be there and realized she needed to change then why would I need to send her?)

I called all of the wilderness programs they recommended and none of them will accept SD15 since she has a history of running away, is currently threatening to run away, has a place to run, people to help her run and outdoors experience. It’s too big of a threat to them and they can face lawsuits and negative media attention when one of their students gets lost. (I laugh at how these programs want only want to take “good kids” who have trouble with things like ADHD, low self-esteem, depression and are “underachieving”, not kids with real problems that they have to deal with).

But honestly, these wilderness programs are nothing more than summer camp for brats. They make a point on their websites to say they are not boot camps but group therapy in a “nurturing” outdoor environment where they build up kids’ self-esteem rather than breaking them down and help them understand how to make positive life choices. :sick: It really is hoping singing around a camp fire will help change these brats.

I don’t give a darn about this girl getting therapy. What she needs is someone to force her to understand that she has to do as she is told whether she likes it or not.

One of the therapeutic boarding school’s admission reps said they that would take her, but even he admitted that the teen will get out as much as they put in and he didn't see SD as a good fit. In SD‘s cause, that is like throwing away $60k we don’t have since she won’t even try and will do everything possible to get kicked out and they can’t even stop kids from running away. There are only alarms on the doors.

There is very little these programs can do with non-compliant kids. They can take away privileges like TV, phone or makeup, but they can’t do much else. They physically can’t make kids do anything. Some of them even promote themselves as being “non-punitive”. So, you can pay $60k for your kid to do nothing and no one to do anything about it. What a great scam they have going.

There are so many laws and rules, these programs’ hands are tied. They are all for-profit so they cannot risk losing their licenses. No matter if these teens are defiant brats who won’t do what their parents say and make their lives a living hell. Their rights have to be protected. So that means coddling a bunch of brats and making them feel better about themselves instead of forcing them to comply with rules and authority.

I cannot deal with this girl back in my home again and there seems like no help out there.