sadness.
I know I'm depressed.
I have a degree in Psychology and did one year of graduate studies in Clinical Psychology.
I obsess about the BM. It's all I think about. Everything she does and doesn't do...that is all I think about.
I end up neglecting my own daughter, my husband, my work, my extended family, my tried and true friends, and myself....all because of her.
Everything she does seems to affect my life. Or at least I work myself up into believing that this is the case.
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why are you always thinking
why are you always thinking about her? She is meaningless in your life. I'm sorry you're feeling sad, you need to do something to make you happy. If you could do something to get your mind off of this what would it be? Even though you have a degree in Psych, you still need to talk to someone to share your feelings, maybe look into that. I hope you feel better.
Sounds like your thoughts are
Sounds like your thoughts are stuck in that "rumination" negative pattern. It's hard to break out of. I have to remind myself that if I start ruminating about something, then it's never about that person or situation, it's something about me that's bothering me.
The figuring out how to turn my thoughts back to myself and how I can get to feeling better, that is the hard trick.
I hope you get to a better place soon.
When you say everything she does affects your life... that sounds like you don't have enough boundaries set up. I don't know your situation but that was my first thought.
I'm reading a book called
I'm reading a book called "Change your thoughts and your life will follow" by Karen Casey. I am about half way done and I really like the book. Have you read "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin?
I think we have all felt like you have at one time or another in SM and BM situation. I used to always obsess about what BM was doing and not doing. I would think about every angle she would play with her games and etc. I also would try to avoid her, not answer the phone or attend functions for the skids. Then I realized I was giving her what she wanted and I stopped.
Your in a tough place, but don't give her the power. Don't let BM steal your children's mother or your husbands wife. BM is not worth it!!
Hang in there
It might be worth trying to
It might be worth trying to pinpoint WHY you obsess about BM all the time. Most of us do to a certain degree, depending on how psycho our BMs are, and the effects they are having in our lives, but it sounds as if you are doing this to a really painful degree.
Does she resemble any other significant woman in your life - eg mother? does what she does "push your buttons" ie stir up old issues for you, such as feeling insecure? Does your DH hold firm boundaries with her so that she has limited ability to trash your life? If not, the last thing is something you may be able to get him to tackle.
That sounds like a great book
That sounds like a great book too. The one I'm reading is a long the same lines. We can't control what the BM's are doing but we can control our reaction to it, which includes our thoughts.
it's so hard, because
it's so hard, because rationally....I KNOW what I need to do. I guess I use the excuse that I can't, because it's hard. I want sanity. I want control of my feelings. I also want to lose 10 pounds. I know it's harder to actually START doing something towards these goals than actually doing it. I've always said if I had one wish (besides curing my terrible skin) would be to have a personal assistant. I could have someone tell me what to eat and when and how to exercise; then I would lose those 10 pounds so quickly! And perhaps that personal assistant could do all the logistical stuff that necessitates my continued and high-level of contact with Darth Vader. I feel like if I could just not have to deal with her at all, then I could rid my mind of her.
I will try to get those books. I NEED to do something.