Am I the Only One Who Finds this A Little Odd???
Ok, long story shot....
My DH has 2 boys from his ex (ages 12 and 9)that live with her. His ex got remarried and had a daughter with her husband (age 6). They used to live here and have moved 5 hours away about 6 months ago. Well, his ex and her husband are getting divorced because he left her for another woman. Anyways, this last time that the boys came for their visit, their mom asked my DH if we could watch HER daughter (that has NO relation to my DH whatsoever). I was completely blown away. She asked him right in front of all the kids and the boys were begging him to let their sister stay (it was easter). My DH came into the other room and asked me if I could watch them.... while he went snow mobiling with guys from work the next day (oh yeah, I had them for 4 days). I caved (even though I really didn't want to) and let her stay ONCE due to these circumstances. Well, I was talking with my not so DH tonight, and apparently his ex is moving back to town (great... NOT)!! I told him that I hope he knows that watching HER daughter was a one time thing and that she shouldn't get used to us taking her. HE CALLED ME PETTY!!!!!!! Seriously?!?!?!? Am I the only one that finds this absolutely absured?!?!? I think the real kicker is, is that I want kids, and I'm not so sure that my DH does, yet he expects me to take on his kids (which I have no problem with) AND HIS FREAKING EX'S KID!!!!!!! That has NO relation to my DH. Am I crazy?!?!?!
Sorry, I had to re-post this
Sorry, I had to re-post this as my last post had some errors in it, and I don't know how to fix them.
yep, that's a bit crazy. Is
yep, that's a bit crazy.
Is he nuts?
Who knows!!! I just couldn't
Who knows!!! I just couldn't even believe that he had the nerve to ask me that!!! I was completely shocked!!! But I did watch her, and that was fine, but it's really bothering me that his ex is moving back here and I just KNOW that she will now expect us to take all 3 kids (when only 2 are my DH). It also bothers me that that's ok with my DH!!!! And that he called me "petty" for telling him that was a one time thing! I'm so mad right now, I could seriously pack my stuff and leave!
THIS IS JUST A HUGE NO!!!!!!
THIS IS JUST A HUGE NO!!!!!! If BM asked us to watch her son - we'd both look at her and say HELL NO. The girls are his - the kid is not and it's another mouth to feed and NOT our responsiblity!!!! NO NO NO! DO NOT CAVE AGAIN! And let him call you what he wants! I bet he won't say you're being petty again when you decide he has to watch his own kids when you have a girls night out. You show him who is boss! It would make me gag if my "not so DH" ever agreed to watch another spawn from BM!
Getting married to a man with
Getting married to a man with children from a previous marriage has been a continuous learning experience. Sometimes requests and expectations from others just catch you off guard.
Here are a few things I did learn along the way
There will be those emergency times when you have to make an exception to do something that you would not normally consider acceptable. Make sure you let it be known "This is emergency basis and not going to be the routine"
Do not start anything you do not want to be obliged to continue. Once you start, it soon becomes expected as your obligation. Your good intentions, your act of kindness when taking on someone elses responsibilities are not appreciated. Then soon turn into demanded.
Commitments, agreements, or promises made by other people are not my responsibility. If DH makes any agreements without my knowledge and approval then he needs to make the sacrifice to fulfill his promises. And he needs to feel the embarressment of making commitments he was not in a position to make.
You poor thing. Firstly I
You poor thing. Firstly I would feel like they are teaming up by DH doing a favour for his ex and then making you feel like the petty one, NO WAY, you are not petty, its a far deeper thing than just looking after her daughter.....its like him supporting HER again its not his kid. Then I would be peed off because I would feel she is running back to be closer to him and in turn demanding more support. I just don't trust the exes and I hate nothing more than DH's not seeing it from our point of view. It's shady, its dodgy. He can't not have kids with you if you want them it just won't work. Please don't let insecurity take over and get sucked into their games its your life and you deserve what you want.
I've got two BMs that each
I've got two BMs that each have another child that is not DH's. One of then we would gladly watch because she needs some positive influences in her life, but we always hide SD's money and jewelry! The other one..... HELL NO!!!! If your first instinct is no, stick to your gut!! Where is the ex's family? Can't they watch the girl?
Thanks for the comments!!! I
Thanks for the comments!!! I love having this website to go to to get a 3rd parties perspective on the matter. Sometimes you begin to second guess yourself, and getting your opinions really helps to put things back into perspective for me. I seriously was in shock when my "DH" came into the room to ask me that!!! I just can't believe (and just about feel betrayed) that HE would even consider it and that SHE would even ask that in the first place! The girl has been around for 6 years now and has NEVER come to our house before. I understand that her dad left her, but my DH is not about to become a "daddy" to his ex's daughter!!!
What a colossal pr!ck. Who do
What a colossal pr!ck. Who do he and his ex think they are?!?! You're nicer than I am....I would have said "hell no and don't ask me again...it's bad enough I have to watch the 2 that ARE yours!"