How to handle EOW....
Ok so, when your DH does not have the kids, does he feel like he still has to go to EVERYTHING that SS or SD does....ie-sporting events? It's gotten to where even when it's not our weekend to have SS8, my fiance feels like he STILL has to go to everything SS does! So that means all of my f*ing weekends are shot now bc BM likes to shove SS into every sport imaginable so she does not have to deal with him! Ugh- Im so pissed! Fiance and I just totally had it out regarding this. He's like, Im not going to just go to my son's things only when I have him. I'm like- hello!!?? You have decided to have another family and we have f*ing plans!!! But none of that seems to matter when SS8 is involved.. What bugs the shit out of me is that he won't just come to me and say, "hey, do we have any plans this weekend bc if not SS has a game." Now, I don't attend these games bc of BM, so he goes alone....but I feel like they have these plans together and I just get TOLD what is going to happen!!
I CANNOT express how many fights we have had over this.....i'm FUMING right now!!!!
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My DH wanted to go to
My DH wanted to go to everything that the skids were involved in. He missed some of our DD's activities, and anything of my DD that would conflict.
To make my life easier, I had a calendar where I wrote down ALL of the kids activities, even practices. IF they are involved in sporting events, coaches give out game time calendars. It was to the point that I even color coded the kids.
That allowed me to be able to plan activities around kids schedules. Right or wrong, I didn't miss any of my kids activities- why would I expect DH to miss something.
Don't get me wrong, there has been times where something was put on the calendar first, he didn't break the first commitment, for a phone call from SD on a Thursday night saying, oh yea I forgot to tell you that my activity is tomorrow at blah time.
For my sanity, I found a way to work and survive around what my DH also wanted.
I wish my kids dad would WANT
I wish my kids dad would WANT to go to their events. They are in 1 thing each rediclous to pay and spend the amount of time on a zillion activities (kids can go freakin play outside for pete's sake). My BioD was texting him about her and her brothers events sending him reminders and he'd tell her "I'll see, maybe I'll go" When I stepped in and started to text him about the events (and my SO and I got serious and he'd go with me) he started showing up then bringing his gf, later bioD said she heard gf stomping around about "he better take her if I'm taking my SO because she (me) needs to see how happy we are" My thought great come watch her she's amazing and I don't care what her motives are I just care that he gets to see his kids do things they enjoy and are good at. I wouldn't speak to them or even acknowledge their existance unless they approach me I don't want anyone uncomfortable. She sees me as a threat and exH is still jealous. I've moved on I want my kids happy, raised right, and to have family in their lives. But I also know that adult time is important and if he's coming to most things it doesn't hurt the kids so much if he misses a few events.
My mom was at every game we
My mom was at every game we played, and every activity we did. She was a NCP 30 some years ago.
My dad was NEVER there for anything....and it did bother me. He never took the time to be with us or be bothered by us.
It is that reason that I attend as many events as possible for my daughters.
These men need to understand
These men need to understand that if THEY decide to have another family, THAT family should NOT do without because of his first kids. Sorry, I understand that he might want to go to all his kid's games, but to miss out on his other kids activities, the ones he has with you, so that he can attend his 1st kid's activities is plain wrong. He needs to make a freaking decision.
I am so darn sick of these men and women, who think that the first ones ALWAYS come first. No they don't. If they freaking came first, then they should have stayed married. Obviously, they did NOT put their kids first when they decided to split.
In my situation: I understand
In my situation:
I understand DH wanting to see the skids activities. We would both attend early on to everything. If there was a conflict on our weekend we divided and conquered based on blood lines. If it was on an off weekend we would determine if nothing was booked already he went. IF our DD had an activity that was his time to see her. IF it my bio daughter.....I went to see her, he went to see his kid.
I think you have to determine what works for you as a couple.
But organizing all their things on a calendar helped me feel in CONTROL of MY house....and not BM notifying him late so he looked like a bad dad for not being able to show.
When my SD lived with her
When my SD lived with her mother ( she lives with us now) we went to all of her games ect when she was with her mother. The only time we missed was when there was an emergency or someone was sick. I didnt really mind it because BM was the kind of mother that would just drop her child off before the game and wouldnt show up till when the game was over because she knew we would always be there. Sometimes she would stay but that didnt matter, we were there for the kid, not for her. She had her in basketball in the winter and we had her in softball in the summer. She didnt make it to too many of the basketball games when she was with her mom so that didnt last long. However we also enjoyed watching her play softball so it didnt bother us that we had to take a couple hours a day for a few days a week so that we could see her during the time she was with her mom. It gave my DH a chance to see his daughter during the week where normally if he didnt see her at the game he would only see her every other weekend and every Wednesday.
I think that he should go to
I think that he should go to as many of the extracurricular events as he can. When the kid is not with your dh, he should not stop being the kids parent, should not stop being involved in his life. Our bm has nothing to do with ss unless he is physically with her during EOW and honestly, she misses out on his entire life.
I understand what you all are
I understand what you all are saying. I just honestly don't think that my fiance is capable of handling everything. Like 2 families! Everytime SS8 says that he misses him- FDH RUNS!! Literally. How can I get across to FDH that he CHOSE to leave BM and start a new family!!! Im not asking him to stop being SS8 father, but I am asking for balance and 50/50 when it comes to the kids. Is that too much?....... :?
You may be asking for the
You may be asking for the impossible. He made the choice to leave BM, not his son.
Do you have a child with DF or are your kids his stepkids?
I have one son that I brought
I have one son that I brought into this relationship and he thinks my FDH is Daddy. Fortunately his sperm donor is not present. We also have a daughter together. So, basically we have 2 kids together.