Stepson and wife problem
I have a 19 yr old SS that I have raised for the last 12 yrs, he has failed 12th grade 3 times,he wont work, stays up late playing online games, his father never has paid a cent of support and is a job hopper.
My problem is I am in a battle with his mother over this, I have several times forced him to obtain a job but he will work only a week or so and gets fired, I have also sent him to his father to live but he seems to spend the nite here everynite until his mother lets him move his cloths back back in.
His addiction to internet has caused him to fail 12th grade 3 times and to get fired on purpose from the several jobs he has had but his mother refuses to see this or help in this matter only to yell at me for making her son work.
Last week I give him 5 days to get a job or his internet would go, he has refused to seek full time and only ask for part time in the places he applies, giving him more time to sponge and play internet games. His mother says that I said a job and part time is ok and that I didnt say full or part time and now that I say full time she says Im changing the rules but he hasnt even got a job yet.
Last nite at dinner table he raised his voice to me over this issue of working and the part time verse full time so I told him to get out and live with his deadbeat father then thats when all heck broke out, His mother full of rage telling him he didnt have to move out and that Im not the man of the house etc...
She dont work and gets very little dissability and I make 70,000 so its not that she is the bread winner, We have a 10 yr old daughter in common and I hate to move out or fighting for custody of her so I have put up with this as long as I can.
My wifes head doctor tells her Im right and she is wrong but she insist her head shrink is crazy so Im fighting a no win battle so Im here and there searching for answers.
I am 46 and worked since age 10 only to be unemployed for a total of 6 months in my life and expect my stepson to be like me. I have 6 kids of my own and they all but my youngest have fulltime jobs and on there own so I know I didnt teach them wrong.
Please post any advise in what should be my next step in life
well, first of all you need
well, first of all you need to tell the whole truth and NOTHING but the truth!!!! My head shrink didnt agree with you as a matter of fact we dont even talk about you!!!! And also you forgot to mention to readers that you dont even know where all of your 6 kids are living.....only 3 of the 6. So you cant know wether they have jobs or not now can you??? Also I supported you on this job thing...Our aggrement was that he gets a job or no internet....And he can only start when they let him...Also at the dinner table last night {in front of all my family keep in mind} was not the time or place to talk about it.... I said NOTHING the whole time untill you kept belittleing him until he had enough and raised his voice to you!!!! I never said that you were wrong about him working and i supported you.....but no matter what he does it isnt good enough for you and it never will be because you have this hate for him.....You said get a job or no internet. Well he got a job and keep in mind that he hasnt played on the internet for 2 days but that still ISNT GOOD ENOUGH.....YOU have to change the rules again when he has complied with your wishes!!!!
Please don't.....(bbgunz3-wife)
I appreciate your opinions but please don't use someone else's username to post. It is very confusing. You are more than welcome to post under your own username and password.
Thanks for your understanding.
Dawn
bbgunz3 (both of you)
I'm guessing by the posts that the wife found (and read) the husband's post and responded...I've never seen that happen in here before so I hope I'm not out of line for replying to both of you...Have you been to couples counseling? It sounds like your marriage is at a very volatile point and you need to talk to someone to save it…also, and I hope the mother doesn’t take this the wrong way but….the 19-year-old is a grown man who (unless he has a physical or mental condition that precludes him from doing so…) should be on his own learning to fend for himself, especially if his presence in your home is causing problems in your marriage…sounds like he made some bad choices (i.e. not realizing the importance of a good education) and in order for him to become a Man…the will have to work through the consequences of his choices…that is his job, not yours, you’ve raised him the best you could…especially given the fact that you have a 10 year old who deserves stability in her home and still needs to be raised by her parents…I hope you two can work it out for her sake and your own…
I absolutly agreee with you
I absolutly agreee with you nise. At first I didn't want to get involved with a husband and wifes martial issues but they did bring them here for all to see and comment about. I think it is very unfair to use the children as ammo for communication problems. Throwing it in his face that he doesn't talk to some of his kids was a low blow. I understand that you feel he is picking on your son and mothers get very defensive but it is hard to take back later. Your son is 19 years old and needs to begin his own life. As difficult as that may be to understand.
i agree
At 19, he should have a job.. or be in college. Not to be harsh here because my own son gets locked onto the internet and it aggravates me at times, still at 23, but he is a college graduate and has a full time job and under his own roof.. but if he is under your roof then you are the rule maker regardless of age. and he should repect that. He can do what he wants at anytime in his own place when he pays his own bills.
But i have to say it may be a little frustrating for you if you dont see anything happening as quickly as you would like it to happen, ive been there dont that.. and if things are in motion and he is waiting on a job to start, if he really has a job to start with, then that has to be taken into consideration as well from you.
My stepson moved in w/us
My stepson moved in w/us about 2 months ago. Since he's been here, hes been arrested for drugs, lost his liscense, bummed off of us and not worked, drinking w/his dad every evening (when dad was not doing that)and his father is so consumed w/guilt over leaving his children 5 yrs ago (he's never missed a child support payment and last mo was the last mo of it, and thats when the stepson showed up) that he wants to "get to know" him, like drink and god knows what else w/him. He doesn't listen to me anymore, and the more I say the worse he gets. HELP