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Summers once SS starts school and lose visitation

youngmama1b1g's picture
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My Hs visitation is supposed to be Thursday morning to Sunday afternoon.
Since my husband has been working FT, she drops off on Thursdays usually hours after the appointed time in the CO for us to pick up- my husband in turn drops SS off as late as possible on Sundays.

So in my long phone call with BM (I was mostly working her for information- we are not friends just to clarify) the summer came up. I work at a camp and told her we were looking to have SS there for at least Fridays, but was hoping that she'd be open to letting him come up there for their swimming day because he loves the water park they go to. She was fine with this. Even if it meant keeping him from Tues night/Wed morning to Sat or Wed night/Thursday morning to Sunday. I told her it really wasn't expensive ($25 a day), so if she wanted to have him involved in something during the summer instead of just sitting in the house, we could add more days. She was all about that as well~esp when she thought she could just come drop him off whenever until I told her no it'd have be mostly constant.

Then we talked about Kindergarten. She is dead set on enrolling SS in her local school because if "the weathers bad, she can still get him there without any issues" instead of in the school near us where it'd be a larger "inconvenience". [side note: after I told her Kindergarten isnt mandatory in our state, she got really excited and asked so does that mean I don't have to take him everyday?" My response "uh no, if you take the time to register him, they're going to expect him to be there" its not a daycare for when you're too lazy to deal with your son or a place to skip because you didnt feel like getting up on time. Just proves how lazy she is.] OK whatever, not my kid-Can't do anything but pass along info to husband.
But then I mentioned for the following summer if we could go to a vacation parent- school parent type of thing. Her way of compromising was to say "one week with you guys, one week here"-like thats 50-50, my husband would be shorted his time still. She couldn't fathom staying away from her precious boy for longer than a week at a time. I'm thinking well you better learn to deal with it...I haven't done the math, but I'm pretty sure even with the holidays throughout the school year- he (my SO) should still get the majority of the summer.

Do any of you guys have the summers as apart of your 60-40 or 50-50 agreement since the kids started school?
I'd like to know what would be reasonable for us to ask for- should we eventually have to go back to court to modify the custody agreement.

MiserableinTexas's picture

I hear ya. I happen to have a similar arrangement with my ex-husband. We have a 6 year old between us and live approximately 8 miles apart. USUALLY things are amicable between us. I've remarried. He's in a serious relationship.

Even in kindergarten, my ex has my son for 5-6 days at a time, then brings him back. After losing my first child to cancer at the tender age of 10 I truly cherish the time I have and HATE being away from my son for a week or a little more. He has an iPod touch and we FaceTime while he's gone. As much as I detest this arrangement, my son adores his father.

I'm very concerned about the "back and forth" though in first grade simply due to school demands. It's really only fair IF the 50-50 is an option, for children to see both of their parents as much as possible. When we chose to divorce, we knew the victim would be our son. We've done all we can to mitigate that.

Always put the kids first. If you're dealing with an unreasonable ex, you may have to take matters to court and do what's best for the child from your perspective. Obviously, it's always better if both sides place the child first.

Just my two cents...