here's a nugget i have been pondering along with other anti-starfish thinking..... these little names i have for skids, i didn't pull them out of my ass, basically they were all earned.... BUT i would never allow anyone to speak of someone i love like that... of course, i try to keep those little things secret from dh, but i've been busted trash talking skids and mil ~ sil, too i think ~ more than once... and when i'm not busted trash talking, i NEVER say anything positive about skids (not that there is anything positive in my eyes to say) ~ NEVER, and if dh tells me something regarding skids (positive, of course, he has nothing negative to say ~ not even objectively, ie, BUSTED stealing) i show ZERO interest and change the subject, leave the room, make a drink or all three... do those nasty things i got busted stay in his head forever??? and every time we have a fight regarding skids/mil/sil that's all he hears??

i know it would do volumes for me to say something nice once in a while or at least smile when he speaks about them, but it is virtually impossible for me to do such a thing.... it seems i have tried in the past and instead of just being pleased, dh thinks i have made some massive transformation and now i'm all skidcentric. he doesn't understand that it is a baby step process.. and i can't explain it to him or we'll have the "you hate my kids fight" all over again...

this is back to the fake it til you make it program i failed the first go 'round... any advice???