My first post. Lots of insightful info but still not addressing my situation.

I met him Nov 2010 and life sped out of control and we both found crazy and wonderful love. I have four daughters (21, 18, 15, 12) and two potential SD (20, 22). I have the "John Denver" kids and he has the "Ozzy Osborne" kids. Somehow, he and I have a friction-less and loving relationship. We have common interests, hobbies, can work and play together .... basically if I went on you would think it too good to be true but please believe I am not glazing anything - it is awesome and I feel soooooo lucky!

My girls spend 2 weeks with me and 2 weeks with father. The SDs live at home with dad AND their boyfriends are almost living there too! (new concept for me)

Feb 2011 his father passed away and my guy lost his dad/best friend/mentor/listening ear/advice source. He, I, and SD20 went to funeral(SD22 was travelling in South Pacific). Major storm hits entire eastern seaboard and we try to leave Montreal (Canada) for Oregon to funeral. I manage to work with superb ticketing agent to get us into NYC (no flights were flying - this was a real miracle). I figured we could go all over the country and find out way to northwest if we could only get into the USA. We would have to change airports in NYC - no prob.
Sigh, we travelled for 30 hours and were in 5 airports. We made the tail end of the memorial service and my boyfriend (eldest of 3 sons) managed to still read the text he prepared. Off to the family home and I was welcomed by his SM (long saga on its own) and the family with open arms and lots of love. We were exhausted but finally able to relax among friends/family. I am usually reserved and a shy type around this many new people but everyone was so nice.
Many hours later it was time to go to hotel. Because of last minute plans we had 1 room with 2 beds for us and SD20. He was in next room with his brother and SD20 and cousin 23 wanted to go swimming and complained they weren't in a room to themselves. I would never get involved with someone elses kids (not 3 mos into a relationship to be sure) but with the fatigue etc I stated to them both (calmly and honestly without malice): "There is a problem when kids start dictating what adults should do". To which SD replied: "We aren't "kids"!!"
So I said: "Well, under these conditions with your fathers paying for your rooms you are travelling as kids. Otherwise, be adults and pay for a room on your own".

Now, please believe me that I really meant no harm and spoke calmly and thought it was just obvious information. SD went running from the room in tears down the hall. All the doors opened and family came out to see what crime had been committed..... groan.
My boyfriend and his brother paid a room for them, mostly to just smooth things over for the night and to come back and give me space. He told SD that it wasn't easy on me either to be sharing a room with her and tried to settle things for the night.

The next morning she was hard as nails. This lasted into the airport that afternoon (heading home). We had a connection in Vegas. During that first flight he spoke with SD and cleared things up BUT didn't come back to where I was seated to let me know!(my ticket was bought after theirs so not all our seats were together). I am a sometimes too emotional for my own good and spent the flight in tears thinking that this wonderful loving man was now gone from my life, and for no real reason. I exited the plane in Vegas with neither he or SD in sight and headed off on my own for the connection until I heard him call me. They had gone off to look for a ticketing counter to get us seats together for second flight BUT I still didn't know anything (he isn't a great communicator in that sense). So, I just laid my broken heart out and said: "I think the punishment from SD is greater than the crime. Really, haven't I suffered enough for one tired and out of place sentence?!?"
My tone was rough, in hindsight, and coupled with exhaustion and feeling alone and devasted at a love lost. It did not score me any points BUT we did manage to dialogue through it over some food - I am a firm believer in seizing the moment and understand how time can just make things worse in peoples' minds.
.... or so I thought. Seems SD was just being polite for the moment and has harbored resentment since the event. ADD to this mix that his past girlfriend had been very nasty to both SDs when dad was not around, was jealous of them and his dog. I did NOT know any details about her or these behaviors they had lived through during the episode of this trip.

So, I was completely unprepared for the violent backlash of silence from the whole house and icy stares from both SDs and my darling man's sudden distance from me in the days that followed. He and I spoke much about motivations, the events, our feelings, kids perceptions, etc. and seemed to iron it out and he had discussions with girls. SD22 seemed to come around but then SD20 seeing her fight going south accused her sister of betraying her..... and so it went .... and so it goes still today.

Last June he told me he couldn't find any peace and had to break up with me. We emailed and shared more thoughts and during this time (I found out 4 months later when confronted by the ex girlfriend) he slept with his ex 3 times. As the 2-3 weeks went by we slipped back into our relationship without making any plan or really having sorted out how to go forward. He was in and out of his previous head-over-heals in love with me ways and it was brutal for me to have this yo-yo experience in my life.

Aug.2 I suffered a major concussion from a fluke at work accident (don't ask LOL). I am still on workman's compensation and my boss (president of fashion design co.) is now making other plans for my position. I am on the mend more in recent weeks and days than all last fall. My B-day was Feb. 2 but the Saturday prior SD22 left for 3 month trip to teach English second-lang in small island. He was so wrapped up in her departure and the going away dinner that I was not allowed to attend (or SD20 would not go) that I took all his things from my home and drove them up there while they were out. I left a loving note and followed up with email a few hours later.

You see, from what I have read here tonight .... I believe he transferred feeling/habits after his divorce to them, particularly SD20. He enables them, their boyfriends live there most the time, they don't do chores, clean up, have mega parties several nights a week, don't pay rent (both girls work and have good salaries), don't buy food (just booze, clothes, tatoos etc. ... party party party). Now dad grew up a bit like that in Bay Area of SanFran, raced cars professionally, pro windsurfer, international contract with Club Meds in 70's and now enjoys the simpler pleasures of homesteading with me and is glad to have sown his wild oats.

We really have an idealic relationship EXCEPT when SD20 stamps her little foot. Over the fall the pressure from her and my concussed state (not well physically, emotionally, or mentally for months) has taken its toll. So, I finally caved and in a desperate attempt to get his attention I brought his things back and took mine home .... saying I dind't really let him have his cave time last summer so he could do so now and I fully respect the process and reflecting he has to do. I did this before my birthday, a real gift of love (and didn't want my birthday to look into his eyes with so much confusion ... and spent it alone with tears anyway). Then Valentine's (and 14th is our monthly anniversary also).

He is concerned that they are growing up and he will not have solidified his relationship with them (sigh, so far from reality ... and obvious from outside looking in). Both SDs talk about moving out for months now, since he reclaimed his parenting role and stopped the parties and expected a better condition of the home. I don't know if this is a ruse by them to pull him away from me or if they are really moving out (crossing fingers).

For close to 16 months we spend most weekends together (my place if I have my kids)and Wednesdays he stays over and other nights I tend to stay over at his place when no kids at my home. We cook together, work on his sports car together, he takes care of his business' needs while I read, we take walks, we scuba dive, we horseback ride, we hike, we travel well (went to Key Largo sun/scuba trip March 2011) .... honestly, life is lovely!
He has really tried to strike a balance with his girls. My younger two (12/15) spend lots of time with him and are so glad to see me happy. Older two are holding out on having opinion as they saw me go through a very bad relationship after my divorce. My 18 is generally pleasant and around when he is but 20 is in city 6hrs away for university.

He is 54, I am 48. We were both divorced 5 years ago (he left his wife after a lying affair and I left a loveless marriage). We each dated 1 person shortly after the divorce and both these were nasty. We found each other on internet dating site and our feelings and love for each other went to high speeds within days .... only finding a bumpy road at his father's funeral.

He has no other family here and it is very French-speaking where his exwife moved them to 12 years ago (Dorothy, this is NOT California anymore! poor guy).
So, he still celebrates father's day and SDs birthdays with exwife and ex-inlaws, Christmas too.
Dec. 2011 wasn't so bad since I had my girls this time. But the going away party for SD22 just was too much to not be included in. It stings. Over 40 people in a restaurant and he is the only one who has to go alone. But he doesn't ever see it that way.

He seems happy to be the enabler and it is only in this recent break I am living through that I figured out he acts like he is married to SD20. She makes him dinner after work some nights or says she will be home but goes out and does her own thing leaving him there alone and consequently without me. I haven't the guts to tell him she is playing him (will not score me any points!).

Now SD22 left at end of Jan and SD20 flew out to do mountain trecking in Peru this past Saturday. He has empty nest for FIRST time ever. We have been apart for 3 weeks(this time I am doing my best to give him lots of space in contrast to last summer's "pause") and I have been suffering so much. He has texted me a few times (including Bday and VAlen.day) but I cannot find peace in his words and instead feel this wonderful relationship slipping away.

I have read many of your posts. I see clearly that he has to sort this out for himself. I see clearly that right now that anything I say will be misunderstood by him. I know he loves me and don't doubt that for a second but he is chocking under the foot of SD20 and feeling like he has to choose between both SDs and moving our relationship to the next level (his words) and moving in together. But he won't bring up the subject and stews in his own thinking and "lost cause" mindset.

I don't know how to discuss it with him. I have no agenda, I have never asked him for a move-in date for an "us place", his plumbing business is run out of his home, he needs a home with garage space also for the sportscar, he is worried about missing out on precious time with his daughters (seriously, he treats SD 20/22 like they were 12/14 still!!!)

This has been a very long post. SD22 is pleasant with me. Her boyfriend and she will join he and I for dinner, watch a movie in livingroom, chat in the kitchen etc. ONLY if SD20 is not in the house. Otherwise I am invisible to them. SD20 will slam out the door and it turns a knife in father's heart. I do my best to take the highroad. He has tried to discuss it all with them saying he lets them have their choice of partner and can they not just get over this..... SD20 has a chip on her shoulder and apparently is known to hold a grudge. He and I have discussed various angles, including that as her father it is in his hands to equip her with life-skills (holding a grudge gets her nowhere in life and only takes extra energy to maintain when SM is not a monster, does not interfere in their lives, give dad time with them ......)

I am exhausted and have had to shoulder this on top of my own recovery. I am very much in love with him. He has said more than once: "I know that if it were just us two that we would be the happiest couple ever."

So, where do I go from here? We are still apart in this "pause". SD20 is gone to Peru for 5 weeks. SD22 is away for 3 months. I am soooo hoping the time of empty nesting will not make him freak and pull so close to them in spirit that he won't even be able to ever consider having me back in his life (SD20 really has done a number on him.

I am at a loss of what to do. Do I chill for a bit longer and then try to bring up the subject? Do I focus on just our relationship together? I want to give him peace of mind that he can get the girls moved and set-up without any hassles from me - this is genuine people, I really feel this way, there is no competition or lying to myself.

My four girls and I have great relationships - we've been through the ringer for a few years but have lots of good times now and older two (18/20) have even listened to my saga and had good input for me.

How sad to have something so good (especially after reading some of the posts in this forum) and have this one hickup that is soooooo demanding in all aspects. Do I have a chance?