Worried about liking future stepdaughter
Hi all,
I have been in a very serious relationship with a wonderful man who has 2 small children (boy,girl). Even though Im incredibly nervous about being a step parent to both of them, Im even more anxious about being a step mom to his daughter. I dont really know why... she just scares me to death. Theres something about her that I cant connect with, it could be the fact that shes so much like her BM in looks and wild personality that if my wonderful man wasnt so wonderful... I would go running and screaming in the other direction.
I understand that shes little and only 4 years old so she will naturally be wild, but there are some things she does like her extreme rebellion in hitting, biting, and she pretty much bullies her older brother that it reminds me of all the destructive things her BM has done. Every time my man tells me something she did that day, it makes me cringe because Im wondering what else is in store for us in the future in dealing with her and even though she hasnt spent much time with her BM (not since she was 1)... Im crazy afraid that those destructive genes will somehow still make their way into her. I know this is just awful to say but it really makes me not want to be around her or even look at her face.
Granted... I will admit that I've never liked kids because I was forced to raise my own cousins when I was little because they had a dead beat mom who just threw her responsibilities on us. I lost my childhood cooking, cleaning and caring for two little ones because all the adults worked and i was the oldest grandchild. Im just really hoping that I can understand this feeling and it will eventually go away.
I was wondering... since ive been researching this step mother/step daughter dynamic on this site... how do others deal with this feeling toward their SD's, are there more stories have actual good relationships that started off rocky, or am I destined to always not like her?
He has full custody over
He has full custody over them. Their BM lost custody of them and one other child she had with another man. She's not in the picture very much at all. She makes her weekly phone calls but thats only when she can pay her phone bill. In the 3 years that Ive been with him, I think theyve only seen their mother about 4 times. Im worried that IF and when she finally does make the effort to be their mother... shes going to teach them how to be like her. Normally I would be all for a mother to bond with her children but since I know the kind of person she is and how she only knows how to look out for herself, its scares me. I could write a tell-all book about the long list of awful she has done (fraud, child endangerment, attempted murder to name a few) plus google her name and get multiple mugshots and news footage. Since she also lives in another state and wears an ankle bracelet to prevent her from leaving the state, thats another issue that prevents her from seeing them.
I also don't like my SD. She
I also don't like my SD. She is also exactly like her mother. They are both mentally ill - sociopaths. I've never been able to connect with her and I doubt I ever will. SD acts worse every time she comes to our house. Her behaviors get sneakier and even more insidious.
Good luck.
The key to your future is Dh.
The key to your future is Dh. If he can get on her and rein her in while she is young, then she can make a complete turn around. If he chooses to let her continue to act like a hellion, then you know you future.
My SD was raised by her grandmother until she was 4, with no rules or discipline. When she came to live with us, Dh dropped the ball on discipine, as he was so happy to have his "sweet little princess" finally. So by the time the rose colored glasses came off, it was too late to fix her personality. So while we are working on individual behaviors, her overall selfish, mean, manipulative personality is here to stay (she is stb9).