Advice is needed :(
I havent been on or posted in weeks...I took this positive view and tried to run with it,,,counsling...Okay, so it appears to have some positive but when DH's daughters do something wrong then the couseling and our previous look at how to handle situations get tossed back out the door. My stomach has been in this twisted knot since Sunday and Im not sure what to do,, Sometimes I wonder if my feelings or emotions are correct,, guess thats why we are going to counseling along with other reasons... Okay so Sunday,,, my BD comes to me and tells me that the phone is going to ring and she tells me who will be calling and I needed to take that call. I thought to myself, "What is going on".. Well to make a long story short,,, My SD14 took one of her and my daughters friends cell phone, took a random number and starting texting the number. It so happened to be the uncle to the friend, this man is 30, married with three kids. She is texting him wanting to know his name, how old is he, can they get to know each other, she even sent a picture of herself to him.......THE WIFE calls me at home Sunday night and tells me what is happening. I was shaking and kept saying I am sorry and I am so embarrassed.. She forwarded to me some of the texts. My DH sits her down, my daughter, and both of us to talk to SD,, she claims she thought she knew the guy,, Yeah right,, she didnt,, it was a lie,, ANYWAYS,, DH took her cell phone away.
Monday the girls get home from school, I tell them all to clean their rooms, they were also embarrassing. Well, mine goes straight to her room and cleans so she can do other things, SD lingers around with my oldest daughter, listening to music,,, So Im like hey have you cleaned your room,, she replies,, NO,, Im like then get on it...Then DH comes home and he goes into her room and checks on her to just say hi to her and when he comes out i said is her room clean,, He replies no, but he told her to clean it,, I was like,, Look Ive already told her twice, it should not have taken you also telling her,, IT finally gets HALF way clean.
Also on monday, report cards came out,, SD had two F's, one in math the other in sciene...
Tuesday,, MIL picks SD up from tudoring and dashes her straight to the mall,, SD comes in last night at 10:10 with bags of new stuff. I asked DH why he allowed his mother to do this and what punishment is she receiving if she is showered with gifts,, he gets mad and walks off... OMG Am I wrong???
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Does MIL know how badly and
Does MIL know how badly and inappropriately the sd acted?? does she know that somebody's wife had to call you and complain about the harrassing texts she was sending a married man??
If she doesnt.. she would now.. and would know why I was sending the crap back to be returned.
My situation is sort of similar
I have been sick to my stomach many times over the actions of dh and mil when it comes to the princess sd, so I really feel for you. My sd is NEVER even reprimanded. Sometimes you feel like you are on a sinking ship with nothing but a teacup in your hand.
The phone thing really concerns me. That could be dangerous for all of the kids in your house. Does she have access to a computer? I would be monitoring-my space etc... Was losing the phone the direct punishment that dh felt was in order as a result of the incedent? If so, he probably feels like the problem has been delt with, next.
As far as mil goes, dh may feel like you are just picking on his bd. To him the two events may be unrelated since the mall trip was just a mall trip and not linked to anything. Mil just felt like doing something nice for bd and what does that have to do with the phone incident or the grades?
However, I see your point. Since you are in counseling, I think that I would ask the counselor's advice on how to best help sd make better choices. Maybe coming from a constructive position will help keep dh from tuning out to you and then you can both work together on a plan and maintain communication.
Georgie
Trying to get the courage up today!
So As I sit in my office, I have on my mind that I need to call my MIL but I feel all shaky.. I think she needs to understand that maybe next time she wishes to do something as a mall trip that she should consult DH or I. I appreciate her taking her shopping, but the timing was bad and she has done this before. I do feel like im on a sinking ship,, The first thing that my oldest BD said when SD comes out of her room this morning,,,Wow she got to go shopping after all thats happened in the last few days,,, What do I say to her... Maybe him just taking up the cell phone was his punishment and he felt he dealt with it then and tomorrow is a new day. And it was,, She just got UNgrounded after two months, for grades and texting some other boys in different states, the texting and computer scares the crap out of me,, I have stressed and stressed til Im blue in the face the danger in them both... Last week MIL picked up SD from tudoring and takes her to WalMart,, the kid comes back with walmart bags that has 8 bar pack of soap, liquid body wash, two pack deo, hair stuff, face wash, book,, IM like why,,, she just got all of this from ME... DH says that i dont buy the things that she likes and I dont ask what she needs WHEN there is a dry erase board in the kitchen where they are to write down their needs so If i go shopping i know... I mean she dont even have to talk to me, just write it DOWN, but SD never goes without,,, That incident was last tuesday and the things are still in walmart bags in her room,,, must not of needed it so badly...I honestly think the kid is manulipating us all. I only wish I knew what she was telling MIL. I certainly feel like the wicked stepmother...