I am a disengaged stepmother. What does that mean? I do not deal with anything having to do with my SS11. I do not issue him chores, I do not help out with his HW, nor do I make sure he does his HW in fact I couldn’t tell you if he is a good or bad student, I do not buy him clothes, I have 0 contact with his mother and basically stay or of anything that has to do with him. I have seen this kid throw a tantrum in public (mall) and I have walked away without even flinching. AND I LOVE IT!!!! When I first started dating my DH I thought that I would be involved and what did I get? I would get the you don’t like him cause he is not your kid routine, even though I was acting with him the same way I acted with my BS. After a while I just said to myself I don’t have to do this, he has a mom let her be a mom and my life is better for it, my relationship is better for it. My SS11 is deathly scared of me, he acts up with his father why you might ask? Well he knows that I don’t play that nonsense and that I will not be disrespected because that’s how I treat my kids. Please don’t get me wrong I am not an ogre but my kids know that I would go to the end of the earth and back for them, and they know that I don’t like to talk twice so they do that for me. Basically there is nothing I would not do for my boys (no sacrifices to big) and there is nothing they would not do for me. They are kids so they forget this sometimes, and with me it’s a no 2nd chance, you get punished. I think SS11 knows this so he never ever disrespects me. Only time SS11 acts up and says disrespectful remarks is when we are my MIL house, he thinks that’s a safe house, and while he might get away with it for the moment when I get home I speak to his father about it. It’s funny SS11 never disrespects me but he does disrespect DH, also poor DH tries to act with SS11 the way I am with my BS but I have been raising him to be like he is since he was born, DH just started trying to teach him things. Last weekend SS11 ate lunch left a mess on counter, left his plate on kitchen table. DH tells him that it’s not acceptable and to pick up, DH comes and sees he only picked up plate from table, didn’t wash it, nor cleaned counters, he tells SS11 to clean plate, he comes back SS11 cleaned plate and left it on counter wet, and still left his mess on counter. Frustrated DH calls SS11 again and SS11 starts getting smart with him, and poor DH is so frustrated with almost tears in his eyes he yells out please listen I am trying to teach you, you need to learn! To me that is being a better father then buying him that video game he wanted.

I would like to let all your SM that are involved in picking up Skids, doing their laundry, etc hats off to you. Your DH should be appreciative and grateful. And if he isn’t come over to the Disengaged Stepmoms Side you won’t regret it! For me being Disengaged has made DH break out of his feeling guilty shell, he realizes that being a father is not bowing down and letting SS get away with everything, but it’s about raising someone who can be self-sufficient, will be ready for the adult world, will not have a sense of self entitlement and will be respectful of people and things.