Exhusband making children lie to protect himself
My sister is legally separated with joint custody with her soon to be ex husband. The children are 4 and 10 years old. She has just found out her ex has had at least 2 girlfriends at the same time AND allows both girlfriends separately to sleep over when he has the kids. One girlfriend was actually living with him! Now that's not the worse of it. Since NETHER Girlfriend knew about the other one he was having the children lie and keep his cheating a secret from each girlfriend. Plus he was telling the kids to not tell their mom about either woman. This has been going on for almost 2 years.
My sister is now taking him back to court to get full custody. She does not want her kids to grow up to think what their father is doing is OK. Lying and cheating right in front of the kids. My concern is I don't know if this will be enough to get the kids away from him? What do you guys think?
...No...? I'm sorry to say
...No...? I'm sorry to say this case is kind of silly--unless it is shown that it's causing the kids harm (as in abuse), she has little to no standing except that "He's not a good role model so I don't want him around them." Sorry, that's just not going to hold up.
Unless there is a court order of no cohabbing while he has the kids, whether or not he has two girlfriends or five thousand has no bearing on custody. It's his life, he can have as many of them as he wants as long as they are not abusing the kids (and it would have to be documentable and/or gross negligence).
Honestly, it's none of her business, unless it is documentably dangerous, who he is dating or not dating or how many he may be dating or not dating.
I'm not condoning his behavior but for your friend's sake, I'd save that lawyer money up for their college tuition or something. Just my take on it.
I HEAR YAH....the morals of
I HEAR YAH....the morals of the ex spouse matter nothing....and its wrong
From my understanding its not
From my understanding its not so much the more than one girlfriend thats the problem BUT making the kids lie about the girlfriends. Lie to a point where girlfriend #1 will leave and 10 mins later girlfriend #2 is over and the kids are told not to say girlfriend #1 just left. I don't know but I would think this is a form of mental abuse having kids lie to these women and their mom
How my sister found out was
How my sister found out was the girlfriend that was living with him called her and told her what was going on in front of the kids. Guess girlfriend #1 came home unexpectedly and found girlfriend #2 cuddled up on the couch with the boyfriend with the kids right there. The kids saw all this go down and guess it was not pretty when he finally got busted.
When my sister asked her older child about these females the child clammed right up and when my sister pushed her for more information she started to cry. Thats when my sister stopped. My sister brought the older one to a social worker and guess she got some information out of her but not much. Guess the ex husband was telling the kids he was not sure what female he liked and was trying to decide. In the mean time he was telling the kids not to tell the other one or even mention the other ones name in front of the other one.
So the real issue was not the fact the ex husband was hiding the girlfriends from the ex wife BUT the fact he was hiding the girlfriends from each other and dragging the kids into it.
Still a stretch,
Still a stretch, unfortunately. Especially since if you look at it form the other end, many BioMothers also make their children lie (and lie to their children) to and about their fathers. So unfortunately, they don't even get so much as a slap on the wrist. It will be more than likely that your sister may be asked why she even asked the children about his father's girlfriend(s).
Like I said, chances of anything being done other than blowing money on lawyers is low.
This is for all practical intents and purposes, yeah I think the guy is pretty low for dragging the kids into it but it does not count as gross abuse. If he takes his visitation (and if he pays his child support), the courts will see no reason for changing custody.
Think of it this way, if a father is cheating on a mother in an intact marriage and told the children not to tell their mother, the grandparents (who are next of kin) can't fight for custody. Why is this any different? Father may be a scumbag but it will not affect custody.
To combat the issue with the kids, let them know what their father is doing is wrong and that lying, even lies that are an extension of silence, but will hurt someone is wrong. Then let them make their own choices.
Once again, on the scale of mental abuse, it's not very high. Unless it noticeably affects their social, school, and behavior on a daily basis (and even then most courts are reluctant) it does NOT count as abuse.
Define "joint custody." That
Define "joint custody." That has nothing to do with where the kids live. Do they have 50/50 residential custody? If so, she should seek residential custody, with him having regular eow visitation, holidays, etc. By "full custody" do you mean "sole custody"? Sole custody won't happen unless he's in jail, on drugs, or abusing them. Joint custody actually means both parents have equal say in raising the kids. Residential custody is where the kids spend most of their time. And her ex isn't doing anything illegal, but it sounds like he might agree to her having them more so he can quietly enjoy his escapades.
Well tomorrow is the court
Well tomorrow is the court date and the law guardian is going for "supervised visits" with the dad(exhusband). Guess the law guardian called exhusbands family and the family is backing up the exgirlfriends story about how violent he is EVEN though they never saw it themselfs. Guess they really liked one of the exgirlfriends and pissed off he cheated on her.
This just seems so odd as the courts are going to take aways someones children and just give them supervised visits based on a scorned exgirlfriend statement?