Hi Everyone, I decided to post a copy of the email I sent to DH on Monday about his darling son....I am posting it with hopes that I can help others and of course get some input from you wise ladies!! The ages of the kids are as follows: SS19, BD17 and BS11 I removed names for confidentiality purposes.

Since I obviously can’t talk to you when it comes to your son, I have decided to write you, this is to avoid any argument with you. I first need to tell you that I love you, BD and BS more than words describe.

I just wanted you to let your son know that if in fact he stays here, his girlfriend would have to sleep in BD’s room with her, and he would have to stay in BS’s room with him. Honestly, I don’t know how that’s gonna even work as we all have work/school the week he is going to be here, so BD will be getting up at 5:30 and BS at 6:30 in the morning. I wanted you to let him know that, so SS would have time to find another place to stay while he was here during the week.

When I said all hell was going to break loose the other night, all I was trying to tell you the other night was that BD has already said to me in front of her boyfriend that if SS stays here with his girlfriend, the house rule is they do not share a bed, and she’s right….and I am not giving in to that rule just for him….that would only confirm to our kids that SS is above them…which by the way is how BOTH of our kids feel. They feel like they take a backseat when he’s here. They also notice that you tend to ride their asses when he’s around and scold them for things that you normally wouldn’t in front of him…and I can see the smirk on his face when they get in trouble by you, that he enjoys causing turmoil in our household. He gets off on it. It breaks my heart that OUR kids feel like they are only important to you when he is not around. How can I defend you to them, when I see it too, if you aren’t scolding them, you’re making comments to SS about them like BD’s got a rotten attitude and BS can’t handle when you tease him and you snap at me in front of him, which I’m sure makes him happy. These are things that both BS and BD have expressed to me because they are too afraid to tell you….they feel like you love him more and will take his side anyway, and they feel like that because of your actions when he is here. In the words of your daughter, “ The only time SS even acknowledges that dad is his dad is when his friends want tattoos….he refers to BM and SD as his “parents”. BS has already told me that when SS arrives with his girlfriend he plans on telling her to “go away cuz I hate you” …when I asked him why he would say that, he told me that “SS was skyping with her one night when he was here and he was high and she told me to shut up cuz I was playing xbox and talking to my friends.” BS started crying when we went to Walmart and were talking about it…he said you treat him differently when SS is around and he hates when he comes here. I asked him if that’s how you feel why you cry when he leaves, his response was “cuz he’s still family and you’re not allowed to hate your family.” You are not willing to tell him that he and whoever he brings into our home needs to be respectful to ALL of us, whether you are here or not and by you not disciplining him when he has done these things over the years, the only thing you’ve taught him is that it’s ok to treat us like shit. He just tells you it was an accident, or they are lying and you believe him. Fact of the matter is, this is THEIR home, they LIVE here, and they shouldn’t feel uncomfortable in their own home. It breaks my heart to see that they feel like if they tell you how they really feel, you will not want to be around them, because in their eyes, when it comes to your son, he is the KING and they are second class citizens.

I also don’t appreciate him telling our daughter that I am a home wrecker and that you and Lisa would still be together if it weren’t for me. Obviously Lisa must have said that to him at one point in his life and well, you never clarified anything for him, so he thinks that it’s the truth. Thank GOD my daughter knows how we came to be….and that she knows I’m not the home wrecking whore your son portrays me to be. I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own home when he is here, and I shouldn’t feel like that. It’s not fair to me or our kids that we can’t talk to you about him without you getting pissed off.

I know you harbor a lot of guilt about leaving BM and SS and you think he’s never going to talk to you again if you say anything to him about his behavior, but in the interim, you are destroying your relationship with our two kids, who by the way, think you walk on water and love you more than anything. They will ultimately end up resenting you for not sticking up for them. I have been trying to tell you this for years, and all it does is cause an issue between you and I. Its one thing to treat me like the dirt he scrapes off the bottom of his shoes, but it’s an entirely different thing when he does it to my kids. The only time he is “nice” to me or the kids is when you are around. When he “accidentally” hurts one of our kids only seems to happen when you and I are not in the same room. I fear for their safety when I am not here to watch them. I know what I’m saying hurts you, and I don’t mean to, and I have tried to keep my mouth shut because I don’t want to lose you, I just feel it needs to be said…and honestly; it doesn’t seem to hurt you that he treats US like shit. We all feel helpless, and suffer in silence so that we don’t hurt your feelings. I understand if you want to leave me over this letter, and I will miss you so much if you do decide this is over, but I needed to say how I feel and how OUR kids feel. Truth be told, I really don’t think that your relationship with your son will not be any better if we weren’t together.