I've done the disengaging with the sk's- about 3 yrs ago. It started gradual and more and more dissengaging over the years.

My husband though did not play into guilty parenting. He has old morals that parents rule. So I had his support to disengage to save me so to speak. We as a couple have been happier. The things I do now I do for dh. I shop for the skids and get what he wants- he hates shopping.

We have always been on the rotation of one parent has Christmas eve the other Christmas day. Something crawled up BMs butt and she dropped the visitation guidelines AFTER dh confirmed that SS would be with her the entire day on Christmas she sends an email with the visitation schedule which is 3 days! Over the new year.
DH said I'm not playing the game so whatever.

This year I bought what I wanted my kids to have. Dd12 got an Ipod. Dd19 got a Wii for college. They both received some other things. I went to DH said what do you want to get SS15 he said a 50 gift card! Do the same for SD20. They don't want to be a part of me or my family.

I had a wonderful Christmas morning was not conserned about gifts being even, or dollars being equal. It was a great year!