All you guys are SAINTS!
Even though I'm not a stepmom, I just wanted to let all of you know that you are very brave and very strong women (and men) to have married into some of the unfortunate situations that you're describing here. It must be inordinately difficult at times and requires an inner strength that many, including myself don't have.
Having recently ended a s-t relationship with a man with an 18 year old daughter, I can honestly say that there is no way in the world I was up for the challenge of being a 35 year-old stepmom.
At first, I thought his relationship with her was sweet and lovely, but something about the way he spoke about her creeped me out, escpecially one time when we were lying in bed together after great sex and he said I was "beautiful" but then said "my daughter is the most beautiful woman in the world". I felt hurt, ashamed that I was hurt, and creeped out...had he said "most beautiful girl" I would have taken it differently, but he said woman. Almost as if he was comparing us.
Long story short, I couldn't handle being "second most-beautiful" to his 18-year old. Of course he would have loved her more, as a parent, but he seemed "in-love" with her. I came to these forums to see if I was completely crazy and while obviously I'm not generous in-spirit enough, I'm not entirely insane for thinking this way.
You guys ARE generous to have lasted so long when you must sometimes feel second-best.
Just wanted to share...
Curious to hear what folks
Curious to hear what folks are telling you.....I had no children myself...married for the first time...at 46 and DH has 2 kids, my 2 step kids.......is really is hard!
check out inky2034 and all my blogs etc....
I do get that the father
I do get that the father daughter relationship is a special one, I am a daddy's girl and I had a great role model in both my parents.
I'd understand a little girl being 'in love' with daddy but the other way round? This is not a little girl, she's a woman, and as such she really should still have a good strong bond with her daddy but for him to think of her poist coital with you? That's pretty sick!
I am struggling to find any justification for why someone would say that, I do like to look at all aspects. Sometimes people can just be totally insensitive at times, or pre occupied so much with something/someone that it does interfere with their lives. I think the man needs some help!
I don't blame you a bit for
I don't blame you a bit for leaving; I could never stay with someone who said that...especially the timing of it!
My DH has said to me that even though he loves his daughter and feels a bond with her, it is not nearly as strong a bond he feels toward me. Kids grow up and start their own lives, so our relationship has to be even stronger to last.
In our situation, DH loves SD20, but sees her for what she is too. He doesn't have all that much contact with her anymore, so he does let a lot go even if it's inappropriate or disrespectful.
The downside to us having a baby together is that he tries (shockingly successfully) to get SD20 involved in her "baby brother's" life. As long as things are peaceful, I don't mind.