I need help!
SO and I were discussing Christmas lights and seeing them. I find Christmas to be a very special time of the year, and I love Christmas lights. I'm a very spiritual person, and I adore getting to be left to my thoughts and lost in my soul while I observe beautiful things. This conversation happened just now:
(1:31:34 PM) SO: http://www.tex-fest.com/regional/marble_falls.html
(1:37:23 PM) Me: Awesome
(1:37:25 PM) Me: 
(1:39:47 PM) SO: I wanted to take SD5 last year but the bad winds on Christmas
(1:39:58 PM) SO: eve eve shut down the lights
(1:40:06 PM) SO: as we got out of the car in the parking lot
(1:40:09 PM) SO: 
(1:40:11 PM) SO: also
(1:40:12 PM) SO: http://www.tex-fest.com/regional/johnson_city.html
(1:40:45 PM) Me: Oh you told me about that
(1:40:48 PM) Me: This was Marble Falls?
(1:40:50 PM) SO: yup
(1:41:14 PM) Me: Yeah, I feel like that's a thing I'd like to experience
(1:41:28 PM) SO: What I'd LIKE to do....
(1:41:53 PM) SO: Is bust out there for our final night with SD5.
(1:42:10 PM) SO: We can get there probably around 6:45 pm
(1:42:16 PM) Me: I'd rather not do that this year, I don't think
(1:42:25 PM) Me: But if we must, then I suppose that it won't be so bad
(1:42:41 PM) SO: See lights, eat food, SD5 sleeps on way back
(1:42:54 PM) Me: Well, again, not something I'm interested in this year
(1:43:03 PM) Me: But if I have to, I will
(1:45:25 PM) Me: And what's our last night with her, again?
How do I explain to SO that this just isn't something that I want to experience for the first time with a kid in tow? I wouldn't mind going with her on subsequent trips, but this is something that I am interested in doing as a couple first. If I have to go out there on my own before we go with SD on the last day, that'd be fine, too, but I'm afraid that he'll take offense to that and not want me to have seen it already, and also afraid that it might hurt his feelings. What should I do?
Oh, I forgot to add that this
Oh, I forgot to add that this is the sort of thing that I'd like to go and experience with staying the night in a bed and breakfast and seeing the town during the day; a sleepy kind of vacation, definitely not something you can take a kid to, which is why he wants to drive there and then back in the same night.
remember this....it's either
remember this....it's either his hurt feelings or yours, and once you open the door to have yours trampbled on for HIS, you set up a lifetime expectation.
Just tell him, be honest from the beginning...say dh, this is somethign i really would love for just us to do as a couple-it's important to me. I want to enjoy it w/you, maybe make it into a mini get-a-way...perhaps we can do it w/her next year?
I think that the best
I think that the best compromise here, since we already have her the entire week that we're off of work anyway and next year we'll have the whole week to ourselves, is to let him take SD this year and I'll go with him next year. I don't mind doing that at all.
Well, it seemed to me that he
Well, it seemed to me that he had wanted to take her last year, and indeed drove her out there before they shut the lights off due to some inclement weather, so is this really something that we should do as a family, or that they should do as father and daughter? Maybe I misinterpreted that.
Also, I'm sure that I'm being selfish here, but I feel like I want to see them for the first time on my own/with him and not the skid, which was sort of the point. I'm just weary, I've involved myself to the point that much of my life has been thrown aside and neglected for SD, and maybe I'm just sick of that. It sucks if I'm a "party pooper", but I don't want to do this one thing as a family, which is one night, and I feel like I have that right.
Honestly, I wasn't ever really asking "Should I go?", because I already know that I'm not interested in going for my own reasons - which might seem selfish, but I have sacrificed an awful lot for the sake of the family, and all that I'm asking is for one thing for me. And I suppose that I should have made that more clear instead of just saying "what should I do?", as your advice is really good, if that's something that I was willing to do... the problem is that it simply isn't. I suppose that what I'm really asking here is, "How can I get my point across without offending SO and hurting his feelings?" Thanks for listening and helping out.
Thank you! That sounds like
Thank you! That sounds like a really lovely idea. This is exactly the thing I was looking for! This is how I'll mention it to him when we talk about it again. Cheers!
Great advice, Ripley
Great advice, Ripley