I caved
Sigh...SD texted this morning with her usual "what's up" that usually precedes: "Will you take me out to eat?" or "I'm about to run out of minutes on my phone" or "My boyfriend kicked me out and I have NOWHERE to go" or whatever she wants/needs. Well yesterday, she was a total a-hole to DH who is out of state for a job and school. So I was really proud of myself for staying out of it, but was still mad at her. So when she texted today, I just said that I didn't want to talk to her today. Well she comes back with some smart ass words and that was it. She poked the sleeping bear (stole that from not_the_mom) and I went off. We had an hour long text war where we both said the most horrible things to each other. I am full of remorse for even engaging her. I should've just ignored the first text. But now the damage is done. I am not one bit sorry for the things I think of her and the truths (as I see them) that I told her. But I am sorry for arguing with her like a teenager and egging her on. How to feel better? Only thing I can think of is telling DH the whole truth when he calls and apologizing for being so immature...Any other ideas.
***P.S. TO ALL MY HATERS FROM YESTERDAY: Sorry for sounding so superior. But see, I DO have an asshole skid.. 
Is there any way you can
Is there any way you can block her from texting you? If so, do it, and do not send any more texts to her. She sounds like an entitiled b#@ch. I'd be "too busy" next time she calls. What does your DH think of SD? She started the 'immature' text dialog. You don't owe anyone an apology.
DH thinks she is a train
DH thinks she is a train wreck. He used to always take her side, but when she moved out to be with this loser, his eyes are opened and he supports me. But he raised her on her own since her BM abandoned her at 9 years old. So she plays him like a fiddle. Except he and I have come a long way, so while she is still singing the same song, we are no longer listening. It's way too exhausting.
I think the reason that I am
I think the reason that I am feeling so bad is that I did not follow my own advice...I shouldn't have responded to her. I don't feel any better about the situation having let her have it verbally. But one thing you and I do agree on is that I dictate how she treats me. And I promise you, this will never happen again. I forgive what she said to me, because it comes from a place of pain and desperation, but I have to quit waiting on her to come around. I have my own children to worry about and I do have to try to stop protecting my Husband from her. That's his own job. I am washing my hands of her. It's going to take a lot on her part for this to every be okay. She's been manipulating me for two years. My desperation to believe in the good in her has clouded my better judgement. So as I told her today, her and my relationship is over. Hopefully not forever, but for a looooooooooong time. I need to keep moving forward. Thanks for the advice.
I would absolutely admit to
I would absolutely admit to DH what I did & said to SD. However, if you feel as though you shouldn't apologize for saying what you said to her: don't. It sounds like she certainly won't apologize either. I would just be thankful that DH seems to be on your side and SS is not living in your home.
Without knowing what you two
Without knowing what you two said to each other, it is hard to determine if what you said was "bad".
If you didn't call her really bad vulgar names, or say things that weren't true (in a way that wasn't destroying her as a human being) I don't know that what you did was so bad.
I have had some rip-roaring phone conversations with my SS and his Fiance. I just told the truth, but I didn't call names, etc.. I just told them the truth.
Anger in itself is not "bad" it is HOW we DO anger.
You did this through texting, so you weren't screaming in her ear, or up in her face physically, etc.
I expect your SD will show her daddy the text messages (that is possible isn't it - I can't keep up with this new technology). It might be wise to give your husband a "heads up" so that when and if his daughter does show or tell him, he is not caught off guard.
Be honest with your husband. Stepparents can't be expected to be "totally mature" ALL the time. Besides, when dealing with little kids (which she sounds like she is emotionally) you have to come DOWN to their level, or they can't understand what you are saying.
She sounds like a real manipulator, so don't be surprised if she tries to manipulate this situation to her advantage also. "Daddy, she was mean to me." Pout, pout. }:)
Its normal to feel bad but
Its normal to feel bad but like everyone you have a breaking point!
I would tell you hubby about it, he knows you for you and he knows his daughter for herself, and obviousley she did not respect you enough when you told her you did not want to talk to her..she had to push your buttons.
If you feel you what you told SD was the truth then your husband will realize that....cause then you only said what he has always thought. I know its different cuz whatever he thinks about her should come from him ( so they feel that way) but your relationship is a partnership.
The way I see it is:
" Everyone wants the truth but know one wants the scars",
and evidently she felt she needed to know WHY you did not want to talk to her..she shouldn't of pushed up on it.
If my SK thought they was going to tell me about myself I would of put them in their place to, I cant say I would of handled it any differently then you, sometimes...SK throw dirt not realizing they lose ground.