Recipe for Permanent Fix:

Ditch SM drama and vow never ever again to be with a man who has spawn from a previously enjoyed va jay jay.

im right there with u! yesterday was the first day i have worn make up since bestfriends wedding last october. before that, idek.

i have been avoiding friends, family, even my BF! my sex drive is goooone and has been for a few years now. i dont even want to spend time with BF hardly. im glad he works nights and sleeps during the day.

the only thing i have been doing is concentrating on BD5, which i have always done since her birth.

i have lost interest in everything. sd13, bm, and even bf have all damaged me.

Ladies it can’t be that bad... You need to gain control of the situation. If something is causing you to feel this way you need to address it not ignore it. Stand up for yourself. Don’t try and cover it up by getting a hobby or something to take your mind off it. If you don’t the skids see this change and they feel like they are winning... Communication is always the key. This site really helps keep me sane. If you can’t talk to your other half about how you feel then there is a one sided issue that needs to be fixed. The kids are there but they do not make the relationship. They are great for drama good gossip at work and a lot of heart ache but... They do not make the relationship. You cannot put your kind before your husband the he cannot put his before you. I know this is hard but if you want a healthy relationship that will last beyond child rearing years it would do you and your other half good to master this theory. Good luck to all and God Bless...

I was close to that point. I feel that I have moved out now that I am gathering the pieces back. It is very painful but I am working on myself and vowed - never ever a man with children. I was having mightmares , depression and all you can imagine.
Now I am assembling my bookcase by myself, planning to go to the gym every morning, calorie counting, spendign time talking with my parents, making new friendships and meeting new people. Focusing on my work, starting yoga class with a friend, listening to my favourite music and researching my favourite topics. I come to this site to remind myself what I got away from and why I got away from it. So everytime I think about my ex I read a story here that reminds me why I moved out.
The broken feeling is so well known to me. It was done to me by MIL and his daughter.I never had problems with his son who is a great kid and I got along perfectly with him.You have to get away from the negativity and gather the broken pieces back together. This is what I am doing - I am healing . It is a great feeling - there are so many rewards on this journey. The people that I met and the love that I received from my family and new people that entered my life.His favourite saying was - they came in my life before you. So I guess I will always come second. I was not in agreement with that and I left.
This is my journey and I have decided - no more a man with children . Never, under any circumstances what so ever am I going back to this hell.

Okay ladies, I too am one of the sisters. Without going over and over it again I will just jump to the point. We all blame our horrible selfish, self centred, over indulged, greedy, rude, obnoxious, ill mannered SK's who have an over inflated sense of entitlement for causing problems in our relationships/marriages. Because we are NOT in love with them, (which as I am sure you are aware is different from loving them, but most of us don't even love them), we get very angry, hurt and upset by them, we blame them for all the problems in our marriages/relationships and we feel that we have no control over what is happening with them and to us

I have had 8 years of the bullshit (sorry), and finally after years of hating this 29 year old child of satan I realised something. She wasn't hurting me, she was a cheeky, rude ignorant little bitch who was abusing me absolutely, but she wasn't the one hurting me. I was being hurt by my husband who sat back for 8 years and watched his Princess humilate and embarass me and he did it with no thought whatsover as to what it was doing to my self esteem, my feelings, and our marriage. As long as his daughter was happy, then he was happy

That was the wake up call I needed. Realising that my husband, my soulmate, the man I loved and adored could sit back and watch without a care in the world his daughter abuse and humilate me his wife and do nothing at all about it, not even say Natalie that is rude....nothing at all changed the whole ball game for me.

I had been so physically ill over this for I cannot remember how long, I had lost time with my children and grandchildren over this because I just wanted to be alone. I would go for what I thought were walks to try and make myself get out of the house and feel better, but I would come bck feeling worse because my walks were looking back just little toddles where my mind just played and replayed the horrible events I had suffered from my husbands children over and over again.

I had, had enough I was ready to leave my marriage physically, sure emotionally and financially it wasn't really the right time for me, but I could stand no more I was losing my mind and my doctor wanted me to go on anti depressants. I was going to allow this girl I thought destroy my marriage, I was going to give in and leave.

The realisation that she was not the problem, my husband was, really changed everything for me. It gave me back some control in my life. I woke up to the fact that for 8 years he had sat back, watched and apparently enjoyed his daughter treating me like an unwelcome guest in my own home and letting me know I was an uwelcome guest in hers. I cannot tell you the things she did, but obviously my husband was happy about it, because he didn't lift a finger to stop it, he was thrilled whenever she came here and oblivous to the fact that when she rang our doorbell I felt physically ill, he was totally unaware of my feelings whatsmore, he really didn't care. He loved his daughter, she was spending time with him, even if she was rude and abusive to him and his wife so what that was okay, she was his daughter. Unfortunately for him once I woke up to who really was hurting me HIM my DH I found the courage to ban his precious daughter from my home. I told him that if he wanted to give her what she wanted a double life for us, he was to visit daughter alone, attend family functions alone, Christmas, Easter, BBQ weekends and so forth and so forth and I was to stay home alone, then he could go and live with his daughter because that to me was not a marriage and not acceptable to me. I gave him the opition to go in peace no hard feelings, but he had to choose her or me, because I was not going to allow his daughter to dictate the terms of our marriage. He was estranged from them when we married and I had not in my wildest dreams expected any of this.

Well a poster on this site slapped me about the head one day a few weeks ago and I have actually woken up to the fact that my husband was controlling all of us. He was just going through life making sure that whilst I thought his daughter was no 1 in his life, he was. It was all about him trying to get everything his own way. I married a man who doesn't give a rats behind about anyone except himself and it has taken a stranger on this site to open my eyes He has by his selfish actions lost everyone in his life really. Sure I know his daughter will ring him up during working hours on occassion, I also know she wants us both dead and these calls are just her way of making sure he is still alive, she would not want him to die and her not know about it, she thinks when he dies she will take away my house and she is keeping her hand in. And yes, I am stil here, but my feelings for him have changed. I have not allowed her behaviour and his failure to do anything about it to end a marriage that I was not emotionally or financially ready to end. I am however, now changing my life I have now realised that I need to take care of me, I need to make my life happy, because he will never be able to.

I have seen my doctor, sorted out a couple of physical things, and finally after being on and off antibiotics since June this last lot seem to have cleared off an infection in my blood that I have been unable to get rid of. That of course is because I have started to look after my mental health too. I began walking again about 10 days ago, but not my usual little toddle feeling sorry for myself. I was fortunate enough to get an iphone and someone put me onto a impamywalk download, now this little piece of computer pushes me along so briskly that I have to concentrate on breathing, my iphone friend talks to me every minute letting me know how far, how long and how fast I am walking, then when I get home my iphone friend tells me how many calories I have burnt and how many more I can have for the day.

In 10 days I have lost a noticable amount of weight, I feel so much better, everyday with the help of my stranger I feel better and better (oops and my iphone).

This change has come about simply because I woke up to the real problem in my life, my husband and his failure to be a husband, my husbands ability to sit back and watch his wife be abused and not lift finger to help me. Now, the tables have turned, he is the one suffering from the behaviour of his children not me, he does not see them, and this hurts him. As much as I feel sorry for him, I also realise that I cannot do what is in my nature to do, give in and let her come here to make him happy, because he will let her destroy me again. He cannot change In the meantime I am getting my health back, I am viewing my life as it is and not how I wanted it to be. I realise now that our marriage may not survive this and that is okay because I am using this time to get my mental, physical, emotional and financial health in order, and when I have as many ducks as I can lined up in a row I will take control and I will make my decision at a time when it suits me.

Girls, I want you off the couch, put away the potato chips and chocolate, forget the wine it just makes it worse you wake up with a hang over and the prolems are still there anyway. Get into the shower and give yourself a good scrub, put on the makeup and make yourselves feel better. That's enough for day one, see your doctor and have a good chat if you need to, and as soon as you are able get out for a BRISK walk or do something that will get your heart pumping and adrenallin (can't spell it), flowing through your body. Phone your kids, stop punishing them and pushing them back for a man who wouldn't stand up for you, for a man who allowed his family to abuse you. Pay him back by looking after yourself. Punish him by letting him suffer the consequences of his childrens behaviour. No an is worth it ladies, no man at all. Yes, I thought mine was, did for years, and still love him, but not unconditionally, not the way I used to and that is not a bad thing. I sincerely wish all of you the very, very best in your futures, and I wish all of us enough self respect and self esteem to know we deserve better and to look after ourselves for ourselves. Now off the couch Best wishes to all of you.

Great advice emotionally beat up. I was thinking back to the person that I was - am I the same happy girl that was running with the wind and laughing. I could not laugh today and have fun as I used to. I feel robbed emotionally.It feels like something died in me and I have to find back the new me. When I left he did not care a bit about me or how I felt. He shut down and would not talk to me or have the decency to sit down and talk to me. His words: I donot have the energy to deal with this anymore. He wants to think of this as trial separation. I told him that for me this is a farewell and not to waste his phone call . He was planning to call me around the 14 th January to see whether I will go back to him. The more I am free and alone the better I feel everyday and more unwilling to go back to him and the hell that I lived in. He never acknoweldged or supported me. I felt abused and alone. He did not get it.The last day that I saw him I felt like I was looking at a ghost or a shadow of a person- like a mere image of a person that I once loved. I realized that what he once was is forever gone in my heart and in my mind.
My plan: focus on writing my dissertation,lose weight,be happy , make new friends, go to conferences, make a plan to relocate to Europe and find a job there so that I am close to my family. I was invited to visit a very good old friend who is very successful in Canada. I am planning to have a good time and heal.Oh and of course wear my make up, go to a hairdresser and look as fabulous as I can everyday all day. I will never get discouraged or sink in depression. I will go out , speak , make friends and be the best loving, caring person that I can be.
I will never sink in the hell that I was with him - never ever again. He can love his dysfunctional family and crave it - I feel he is used to it and this is normal to him. I am not going to suck it up anymore and these are his words. I do not have to get sick or ill over people who donot deserve me.I wasted 3 1/2 years and I donot plan to waste even a minute anymore.Love , care and balance!

Emotionally beat up, my new roommate thinks that I should at least listen to what he has to say. I am at the stage where I do not want to see him, listen to him or engage in any converstaion with him. He thinks that I left because he has kids. I left because he was not supportive and let me be abused by his mother and daughter. The son was so respectful and kind that I donot have a single bad thing to say about the child.His son saw that his father was happy with me, while his own mother and daughetr were trying everything to seprate us. The issue has been boundaries- he never established them. The last straw was the fact that I could not handle the text messaging from his daughter that was around 7-8 p.m every night. I told him - please call. I do not want you to text all night long- just give her a call and see what is wrong. He would not because he liked the attention. He thought that I am preventing him from commnicating with his daughter. This blew up in a huge argument to where I moved out, returned the ring and there is no wedding announcement on Thankgiving.I am sure his mother and daughter are very happy. I just could not get stressed and sick by suppressing my emotions and letting the emotional abuse continue. I had to get out . I am happy I got out. If I knew that I will feel that free and happy I would have done it earlier , much earlier.
I could not live with the thought that his 12 year old daughter is allowed to sleep on a mattress next to his bed, that they go on movie dates and the constant demand from BM for "alone" time during which I am supposed to magically disapper from events and functions that are family orientated.
His mother is also close to the BM and I was the enemy so to speak. Recently their relations have cooled down but if they warm up I will be the enemy again. When we go to his mothers house it was like an ambush situation.So I disengaged but it did not help me.Leaving did help me and I believe is the only way to go!So for all you girls out there- do not stay when you know that you have to leave! Just leave no matter how hard it will be - better sooner than later.I came for help here 2 years ago. The advice was RUN. I didnot and I regret it so much.
I am happier and much free than I have ever been in these 3 1/2 years.If I can help another woman realize that they need to take that step I will be glad if they listen. I did not.

You need to do what you want to do, not what your roomate wants and you know that already. As for not listening, you did, it took you a couple of years to make the move but so it should, you should not leave just because some stranger on this site tells you to. You did the right thing, you took on board the advice you were given and when you were ready you left. Had you done so any earlier you may not be as happy as you are now with your decision. I think you have done it perfectly.

Amazing isn't it, he thinks you left because he has kids, my husband also blames his kids, when I say that mean:

You don't like my kids
You don't want me to talk to my kids
You don't want me to see my kids
You think my kids are rotten

Always me and them, never, never I understand that you think I am a crap parent and a lousy husband because I do not set any boundaries for my adult children and I let them abuse you whenever they like without supporting you in any way at all.

Nope, just all about my lousy attitude with his kids. So it would appear nothing has changed with your ex then. So no need to listen is there, seems like he has nothing to say that you haven't heard before.

Nothing will change as long as they see YOU as part of the problem, and cannot see that they or the behaviour of their kids has anything to do with it. I have been putting up with horrible stuff for 8 years, and I am only just now working my way out. I hope next year I will be able to find a job and start working again, put aside some money and work my out of this mess and out of this horrible family. It may take me two years to get physically out too, but that is because when I go, I want to have my life in order, I am not going to let his daughter and his attitude force me out onto the street. I am for the first time in my life in a position where I can and want to put me first and look after me.

I'd say your new roomate hasn't experienced this. You and I know it will not change, because our partners will never change, why should they, they are not the problem WE ARE just ask 'em. You have done the right thing and I sincerly wish you every happiness.

Emotionally beat up, I was headed to the point of no return so to speak. I admire you for being able to separate your life from his after 8 years. It was very difficult for me to do this even though we have been together for 3 1/2 years .I can only imagine how much effort and planning it will require from you to do this. To be honest with you last Christmas we had a huge blow up regarding the sleeping issue. His daughter was sleeping on a mattress next to his bed while I was upstairs and sleeping in my bed. I understand this is the house of your mother and I respect that. His mother would not even allow me to sit and watch TV in his room. While I was obliviously sleeping upstairs he and his mother arranged behind my back that his then 11 year old daughter will sleep on a mattress in his bedroom. When I found out I was upset and angry. We left the next morning. We had a huge blow up similar to the last one when I left. But he stopped me. He said he does not want me to leave. I stayed. This time he said that he is not stopping me. Even tough he stopped me last Christmas I arranged to meet girlfriends that I had .They were planning to move to an apartment and they were looking for a roommate. I met them in February but I could not take the step.By the summer when they moved to the new place I regretted not having the courage. So , yes I have taken my time and knew inside that this man will not stand up for me even though there are obvious issue with him giving spousal status to his daughter.He was also good at telling me that things have changed and he has set boundaries. Hardly, I found skype messages from 2- 3 weeks ago where his daughter still wants to sleep in his room. I dnot know whether he gave in or not. I think he gave in.Since I was disengaged I could not witness the dynamic first hand. However, his reassurances now seem like he was trying to convince himself that something has changed.I think things are back to where they have always been with him and his family and sadly he is raising dysfunctional daughter in a very unhealthy dynamic.I think he sees it but is not able to process it. It takes him time to figure it out. And even if 6 months pass and his mother agrees that the sleeping issue is not right he would still revert back to it and do it again - just because the kid does not see him that often. And so the manipulation games begin.But in his mind I am jelous, overreacting and cannot accept that he has children. Oh, I am also making up stuff. Like I can make up text messages . Every night at 7 p.m there will be a sensless hey message and he will get hooked and so the night will go on with him texting back and forth and not even calling to see what is wrong. I told him to stop it and he said that I was making it up and that it was not every day . I want my future husband present on the dinner table, talkign to me , not texting and smiling and all that. If I do not have his support I would rather be by myself.I love him and I care about him but I love myself, my health and my sanity more. I had to leave . I donot think he ever thought that I will leave. He would tell me - where are you going to go. You have no where and noone to go to. Well, I found a place in less than a week, I drove my u haul with my stuff and I am assemblying my own bookcase because he refused to give me the bookcase. I offered to pay for it and he still wants to keep it although he does not have any books to keep.I guess to remind him of me?I have no idea. All I know is that I mourned the loss of the relationship. I hope he realizes one day what destroyed us.
I am firm and happy with my decision and there is no going back for me. I will not respond or pick up the phone. I think he is still dillusional and does not want to believe that I have left forever. That is why he presents it as a trial separation. I guess it is easier for him to live with that thought. I donot think he wants to lose me but he is ok with me being emotionally abused and totally run down. I am the person that will give it all but once the relationship is over and you have hurt me I draw the line and I will never come back.I know that there are bigger and better things ahead. He is more like: if we truly love each other we will find each other back. What is this a disney fairy tale. This is life and in life you need to work on relationships. There are no fairytales. This relationship is over for me . My room mate does not see the whole story - she is just trying to help. Thank you , emotionally beat up I think that I took the right decision and I will stay firm and patient.

Your very depressed. I know the feeling. Dont put any more pressure on yourself. Get out of the house and buy yourself somthing. Also go get your hair done. Buy a new shade of lipstick. It will make you want to put makeup on. When I am feeling down I puposely put makeup on because it makes me feel better even if its for that one day. You will find yourself doing it more often. Im sorry you are so blue.