Pushed Over the Edge
Today I totally lost my sh**. I now understand what people mean when they are "guilty by reason of insanity." My SS7 has driven me completely insane. He lives with us full time and has a whole list of issues. I have been trying to find a psychiatrist for him for 3 months.His only hope in life is medication-perhaps a morphine drip. If he is not medicated he'll be in jail by 16. He doesnt follow anyone's rules and does whatever he pleases. The worst part is he is never sorry. I spent my whole day on the phone with doctors offices,insurance companies,etc. trying to get this kid some help with no luck. Then I get him from school and get a note from the teacher about how horrible his behavior was today. I'm trying to talk to him about it and he is not listening to me at all-he's screwing around with his shoe and asking me if he can have a snack! He doesn't give a crap about one thing I'm saying. I wanted to wring his freaking neck. Instead I sent him to his room because I could not stand the sight of him for one more second. I called my husband and told him that he is going to have to start sending him to the after school program because I cannot take him anymore. The only good in this situation is that unlike so many others my h completely agrees with me. He knows how bad his son is and has a hard time tolerating him as well.I had no idea I would be dealing with this stuff. I have become the full time caretaker of the spawn of satan.
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You Have My Deepest Sympathies
I have a similiar satan situation with an SD15 BUT she doesn't live with us full-time. She only gets dumped on our doorstep when she beats her BM up (instead of having the police pick her up for assault, our house is the jail). We hadn't seen her and barely heard from her since April and then all of a sudden in mid-November she gets drive-by dropped off with a "good luck with that" from BM. Her father clamped down on her so tightly...no tv, no ipod, no cellphone, no cd player, no electronics whatsoever that she finally had all she could take the Monday before Thanksgiving and we haven't seen her since. I'm hoping that's the last of the last we'll see of her mainly because she just barged in the house and took over her old bedroom (which my BS had moved into back in September) forcing my BS to sleep on the floor in my younger BS room. No more, I repo'd the room this week, packed all her shit up in bags and put it in the closet. I told my son, "If she comes back, she can sleep on the floor." As I just read on another post, your right to a private bedroom is directly proportionate to the time you spend in the house...new rule.
As in your case, my DH agrees that SD's a tyrant the only exception is that his way of dealing with her is by staying holed up in our bedroom when she's in the house leaving me to deal with her! I can't even stand to be in the same room with her because she's a liar and a fraud and acts like she's so sweet and innocent when she's in our care but as soon as she leaves our front door, she's possessed. She has the emotional maturity of a 4 year old and I'm convinced she has a major personality disorder (narcistic PD?).
With all that said, I think you were right to distance yourself (I'd like to distance myself to another country when my SD comes around). The common thread here seems to be the DH's pawning off their bkids on their new wives when we didn't create the monsters so why do we have buy into such nonsense! DH is going to have to step up to the plate and give you a break. We're rooting for you!
Keep in touch.
"Bitter? Table for ONE..."
For English...
The way your SD acts now sounds like what I have to look forward to in the future. Yes, I feel I have way too much responsibility for this child who is certainly no reflection of my parenting. While it is wonderful to no longer have the financial woes I once had, I think it was actually easier to be a single mother busting my ass working to support my son on my own.
"They" Say that...
blended families are the family of the future. I say "God help us all". If it sucks this bad for me, I can't imagine what the skids are going through or what they're going to be like when Step families are the Norm. I hate to be a pessimist but I find I no longer have a choice.
"Bitter? Table for ONE..."
H
At least your H understands why you feel the way that you do and supports you.
I can relate with the spawn
I can relate with the spawn of satan. My boyfriend has a 17yrBS(K) who dropped out of school with a 9th grade education, smokes, drinks and has premarital sex. He has no job, cusses like a sailor- his BD sits back and says K will figure it all out. Well for now they have lived seperate from me and my two BS. Now my Bf wants to move in with me. My problem is that the BF does not follow thru with any type of punishment, he yells and threatens and then backs off. I do not tolerate this behavior with my BSs and expressed that to my BF more than once and EVERYTIME it causes an arguement, he believes all the boy needs is a good role model. HA! I tried to express to him about sticking to his guns and he shuts me down or ignores me.
So as it stands they are not moving in, I told him maybe they both should go to a counselor, I believe my BF has a huge case of guilty dad syndrome. It is a big wedge b/w us. any suggestions??
Why do this to yourself?
Crayon is right--don't don't don't let BF move in! At least you can escape the craziness now and retreat, but if it's in your living room throwing attitude 24/7, you're STUCK. Why live in Insane World?
My DH and I waited 6 years to get married and lived in seperate homes until then. His 5 teen kids were all various shades of loser at the time, and I wanted none of it. We purposely decided to wait to merge our households until most of them were gone, and I can tell you that it was the best decision we ever made.
The most important thing that came out of waiting was that my DH was forced to step up and deal with his loser kids ALL BY HIMSELF. He had to throw one kid out(can't blame evil stepmom!), and send another to rehab on the other side of the country(can't blame evil stepmom!). Through all this he was able to establish a few boundaries before we got together, and in the end they respect him a little more.
Sai Deschain, please read your post out loud to yourself and think hard about why you would voluntarily bring all this negativity upon yourself. Life is too short!
Don't do it
I agree with the others-don't let him move in at this point. Things will be much worse for you if you live together.
what a relief
thank you all for your comments - it is such a relief to know that I am not just being a b**ch.. And sarah 101 you make sense, I dont want to be the evil step mom!! My BF will need to realize that his loser BS is going nowhere and not because he can not live with me!!
I thought I was being so selfish not wanting his EVILNESS in my home.
thanks again