Wow!! And here my Dh and I are talking about adopting or at least a surrogate. (as I had cancer many many years ago and have "no eggs in my basket") But b/c of the cost of them we cant do either. My advice is if you think it would be to much look into adoption or something like that. Good Luck no matter what your choice!

Although I am under the age where it's considered risky, I was in a similar situation, I had NO ONE I could have told because they would have been very un supportive, we are in the middle of getting custody arrangements change because BM has her head up her ass but as it turns out we may be complete hypocrits.Money is a major issue, this would have been a 3rd c-section for me and I had a really hard time with the last recovery. I literally DON'T KNOW how it happened we had been fighting and stressed and not intimate that I remember. I was 6 weeks and 3 days along when I took the abortion pill. I don't regret it, I feel guilty that I don't feel guilty though. I realize you can always work it out, and while initially people may be upset at the decision to have a baby it's not like the baby won't be loved, or bring joy into your life. That's a tough one. I wish you the best.

Here's my take on this-take in mind i am fiercly pro-choice also. It also makes me think what would happen if I got preggos by accident also.

1) -our advanced childbearing ages, risks of birth defects
-knowledge that money will be even tighter than it is now- we know that what we've done is totally fiscally irresponsible

Now this to me or for me would be my biggest issue and mostly the biggest concernt and consideration as to what to do. You can get testing done to determine these things and can make a decision thats best for your family after that. Finances...yes it would be tough but shouldn't be the final dealbreaker.

2) We are worried about how a new baby will affect our children.

A non issue-Kids don't decide to dictate whether parents have more siblings or not, divorced or not-that is between the parents, and most kids adjust well

3) Skids are on their way to being PAS-ed out, and we know that BM will likely step it up to a completely different level when she finds out we are expecting.

Possible-but you can't center a decision to have a child or not on what crazy bm will do, she should never be a part of your decision making process-she will pas whether you have a child or not-at least this way your DH will have a child daily in his life he can fully parent is the others are pas'd out.

4) My "career", which I gave up when I was still with XH and decided to stay home to raise my two, is in a dead zone. His job security is not "set in stone", but is anyone's these days?

Would it be possible for you to find a different career path, that would involved day care/at home sitter or even a work at home? Nobodys job security is there today, but I don't think we can base life decisions as important as this on that.

5) I am nervous that this news will jeopardize my relationship with XH and therefore affect my children.

Again-he's an outside party and his thoughts and your relationship w/him is inconsequential-they are ex's they have NO say and should never dictate your future family plans. They are outsiders. How it affects them should never cross either of your minds. So take those two and even how the kids feel out of the equation...it takes TWO to make the baby-and that is for YOU TWO to raise, so everybody else is again, irrelevant, entirely.

6) And of course, though we realize that this cannot be something that affects our decision in any way, we know that random people in our lives may react with hostility to this news.

See my answer to number 5-same applies, irrelevant and not to be factored in your decision. PERSONALLY...if you take everybody else out (which is how it should be)...it boils down to finances and your/babys health. IMO focus on those issues as your main concern when weighing your options. Best of luck! Oh, and congratulations!!

If you go to the doctor you can have a lot of the tests done for birth defects. As far as the ex's go there is really nothing that will ever make them happy they will have their thoughts on the matter and they will voice it however it really only matters what you and your husband want. Yes the kids that you both have may accept it or not, but that really should take weight on your choice. If you choose not to have it because of your skids being PAS-ed by their BM and they later down the road completely check out which may create a lot of hurt for you and your husband knowing that you could have had a child together.

Yes it is always important to think about a family as a unit with choices like this however when it all boils down all that matters is that you and your husband make the choice that is right for the two of you. what would make YOU TWO happy no one else.

My heart goes out to you as you weigh such a heavy decision. I can relate to a surprise pregnancy. I did not have any children with my ex-DH but he had two kids. I had my tubes tied when I was 25. I got pregnant at 38. In fact, I almost died (literally) because being pregnant was not even on the short list for the cause of my symptoms. Turned out that I had an ectopic pregancy. In between finding out that I was preggo and learning that it was an ectopic pregnancy, my world was imploded. I didn't want a child. My ex-DH didn't want another child. I recall us eating an entire lunch at a restaurant without either of us being able to utter one complete sentence. I'm thankful that the decision was made for us and that I lived through it.

As you know, no one can make this decision for you. Know that my heart goes out to you and I'm sending lots of love your way.