You are here

How do you deal??

harleygirl's picture

Submitted by harleygirl on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:10am

Here's my question.. How do you deal and coexist with the deep intense sometimes overwhelming hatered of BM???? Sometimes I feel like I could go crazy with anger inside me over the stupid shit she does and I think... I'm the one getting upset and she isn't worth my time but it's just so intense.

How do you guys live with it?

Comments

karenemoy's picture

Submitted by karenemoy on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:23am

It sucks - I know exactly how you feel. I really try and let it go but it is really hard. Deep hatred of BM and SS21.

karenemoy's picture

Submitted by karenemoy on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:25am

And I hate SS21 even more because of his f-ups that bitch is still in our lives. Good thing I have not seen the loser in close to a year.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:27am

I guess I deal with it pretty good because of the way DH deals with her. (most of the time...he can back slide every now and then.

He basically acts like she is a non issue. That helps A LOT. If he was all stressed (like he used to be), it would make me crazy. It is better now.

SusiQ's picture

Submitted by SusiQ on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:35am

I hate BM for what she's done to DH. She did everything possible to force DH from the lives of his children and won. He nearly broke my DH to have a son that wanted nothing to do with him because BM could afford to buy all the fancy things and a daughter who was being raised to think her SF was really her dad. They are now basically adults and SS sees DH maybe 3-4 a year even tho he only lives 20 mins away and SD requested that DH terminate his rights so that her SF could adopt her so she wouldn't have to get DH's last name on her driver's license. Cause then everyone in town would know that he really wasn't her dad. Oh the joys of small town living.

For DH, he's basically let it go to the point that he can but we now have 2 kids of our own and he throws himself into being a great dad to them.
For me - the best therapy is knowing that DH & I have what she wanted and thought she's get when she was cheating on DH with the guy that is now her DH. My joy lies in that fact that she's exactly where she was all those years ago when they got divorced and DH has moved on and has an incredibly blessed life.

smileygirl's picture

Submitted by smileygirl on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:36am

I've not found a way to really deal with her, actually just the opposite. She doesn't exist in my world unless completly necessary. We have no communication what-so-ever. I rearley am present for drop-offs or pick-ups anymore unless it's completly necessary. She only calls DH at work unless theres an emergency (meaning she wants to chat). If she makes contact in the evening DH leaves the room with the call and if it's not a true emergency, which it has never been, he immediatly discontinues the call. I still get angery when she disrupts our lives and upset DH but I've found distancing myself from the situation with her has helped greatly. It's also easier when you've detatched from the Step kids. If you can't do that, then she will always upset for their sake.

harleygirl's picture

Submitted by harleygirl on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:45am

My ss is only almost 5 so she'll be around forever!! She has to have some contact with DH every damn day! I feel like sometimes she dictates OUR life because she always has something she needs to "discuss" aka remind DH that he will always have a connection with her via ss. She has done everything in her power to hinder my have a relationship with ss. She makes such a drama about everthing DH and basically gave up on me being anything to ss other than saying hi basically. I just wish the only contact with her was occasionally ab Ss. Instead she calls if he scrapes his knee, she calls DH EVERY week on his days to pick ss up from daycare to "make sure" he is getting him- (meaning not me and that he didn't somehow forget he has to pick his son up), she calls to say he flipped his behavior stick in daycare, or he has picture day, or on our 3rd day he needs to bring item to show and tell when we are clearly able to read that ourselves, she calls to say he has cough, or the shoes she ordered came in..... you get the picture if the wind blows she calls. I HATE HER!!!

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 10:24am

You need to force her to communicate in only emails and about things that that concern the child. Sounds like she is still married to him in her mind...

helen17's picture

Submitted by helen17 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:59am

Its v hard trying to deal with BM. SS16 is a whole other story, but she is an ADULT and has no excuse for her crappy behaviour other than shes an evil manipulating cow. She lived 20 miles away(keeps moving to avoid paying back benefits she has claimed fraudaulently) bailiffs have just caught up with her and guess where she's moving to? 5 mins round the corner from us, next door to MY best friend. This woman and her devil child have made my life hell for 5 years and now she is on my doorstep!!!! I could just about cope before- now seeing her every day???? Sad

Stpmum11's picture

Submitted by Stpmum11 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 10:03am

I used to hate bm for giving up her responsibility to her son. She does nothing for him, pays no child support and sees him on weekends. Then I realized this is a good thing. I don't have to deal with her calling, or asking for money, or raising ss to be a completely loser. He's with me 90% of the time so I have total control. He calls me mom and in my opinion he's my son. So instead of getting mad at her for not being his mother I could care less. It would be nice if she just dissaperared which I think she will eventually do.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 10:23am

I despise BM. I just do. But, I can not worry about it all the time. She is not worth it. I do think the fact that DH has no communication with her anymore except via the occasional text helps. It should not have had to come to that, but a side benefit, is I can turn it off now.

But, I do look forward to the day, when I can tell her off for what she has put everyone through. I thought that it would be when he was 18, but I think it is going to be when he turns 14 and she no longer has any visitation with SS. I have the email already drafted...Sounds petty, but I will get my say on everything she has cost us. It will be my form of closure on all of this...

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 8:18am

BM is just the birther, BIG BERTHA! Ooops...sorry, did that sound facetious? Please make my penance be time served, Lord, 8 years of taking care of SKids, through all the bullcrap you can possibly imagine!
The twins made 18 and their relationship with their mother is up to them as of. No more pick up and drop off dramas, she came with SS (SS is currently using her for all he can get...hey quid pro quo here) and she was in the vehicle with him when he came to pick up some paperword for college. She sat in the car, DH did NOT say hello to her and SS did not stay long. It happened that they were out and about and he made the detour to pick up his papers...not faulting the kid for that. BM got to see our house, we were all cosy in the living room when SS walked in too. His bitch was that his dad never spent time in the living room because he was always in the study. This man, when he was not dealing with schools, police, judges, probation officers, the DA, (for his kids) spent his time eating out as a family or fishing or flying kites with his kids...waaaaaaayyyyyy better than sitting indoors...right?
I digress...
BM was a thorn in our side for a long time, I resigned myself to it with the prospect of the kids being of age. I cannot tell DH how to conduct himself with her, if a line is crossed I say so though. I set boundaries too...when she tried to blackmail me I told her to go right ahead and do her worst.
I'd suggest you take care of YOU, after all if you fall apart it will not be good for the kids...right? Take deep breaths, find some humor in the situation. If you do have to talk to her look just a little past her eyes to the top of her ear and watch her get all paranoid...LOL I dunno...amuse yourself??