I know you might not agree with this but I think you should consider leaving this man for your own sanity. I don't see things improving for you if you stay with him.

Nope O don't ask my ss's what is going on in school. We have a normal life though. dh doesn't ask a lot of questions but ss's do tell most of the time. We are a normal family where mom and dad are doing things most of the time like yard work or working on our house or having to pay bills. The skids and kids all do their thing but when they want to talk to us they do. Of course we sit down sometimes and talk about up coming events and what is going on but it isn't a regular thing as we talk about things a they come up like most people do. the boys are all doing good in school which is one thing we can be very thankful for that the bm is into making sure they have good grades.

I think that if you badger you kids too much about what is going in their life they will close you off. The kids will tired of the questions and will shut down. I know I have all teens! Yep you read that right 5 teens! The oldest in college.

So the best thing to do is to make sure they all know you are there when they are ready to talk and make sure you know where they are and ask those questions and to make sure they are doing their school work but to badger them and ask over and over NOT GOING TO WORK!

ETA: that I have seen this work as my ss's talk to me but not to their mom as she is the one that badgers the kids not us. I just make it clear that what ever they want to talk about I',m here for them and I showed it with my kids as no matter what they can come to me and talk about it including sex. I do my best to stir them down the right path for everything and most of the time they do listen to me. But I think it is b/c I don't judge but give them the facts.

too funny! My dh is just the opposite-he never asks ANY questions because I believe he is afraid of the answers.

I used to care about ss13-about his grades, his peers, how he was doing socially at school, his extracurriculars, hobbies, etc-however after he moved out 4 years ago-he made it clear that all of the above was NONE of my business. He actually told me that. I would like to say that I do not care at all, but sadly I still care a little, perhaps it is only because I know so little about his day to day life now and I am a big believer in knowledge is power.

I would never question ss now-because of his stance on what is my business; however, he is also such a liar that I doubt I'd ever get a straight answer.

In a different world, if I thought I could have an interesting conversation with my ss about school or whatnot-sure I'd ask him some questions-however if his responses were all grunts then I'd stop asking pretty quick.

No, I don't really care. If they bring stuff up, I'll respond, in kind, but I can't honestly say that I sit around wondering what they're doing or if their grades are good or if they had fun at school today. DH obsesses enough for the both of us.

I couldn't care less. DH told me I need to "participate" more, but honestly I really don't care. Especially when all they talk about is how they want this for Christmas and that for their birthday and how awesome they are and how their mom makes the best frozen hot pockets.

Couldn't give a flying f**k. As you said, you have to hear too much about them anyway, and any more is just too much. They complained to the BM once that I was not interested in them. Too right I am not. I never bothered to deny this to DH, who reported it to me. My whole life is dominated by them and their psycho mother. I deactivated my Facebook account because of the constant stream of crap from SD14. Just not interested.

. Last night, my BF and I were having our nightly argument
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That is terrible and no way to live. I feel bad for you. Maybe yall need counseling…?

I do care about my SS and his days…(that is so much easier to say now that he is in the military!! Lol) BUT…when you ask him about it, he actually tells you in DETAIL about his WHOLE day! ARRGG. The boy can talk, and DH knows this. I used to actually go hide so I would not have be the first to see how his day was. Now looking back…I think DH did the same thing!!!

Now, I do think you should try to “care” about your SS. You are married to his father, so I think it would be natural to “care” about him. BUT,,,BUT,,,BUT, that does not mean you have to love him or even like him.

My SS13 is the same way...would rather be playing video games. BM doesn't allow either skid to tell us anything, so having a conversation with SS is like pulling teeth. I either get one word answers or "I don't know". I ask occasionally to be polite. I would like to know what's going on, but I know I'm not going to hear anything.

I hear you about the arguments; I really don't ask very many questions about my SD14 either......I feel you!
DH is always asking her...what's new; what's up; what else? (she does get annyoed at times w/ him). You should always be truthfull. I hid a lot of my feelings and forced myself to be the molded SM figure; now I am a very sad, bitter person, whom can't stand the site of SD. Good luck

My DH is okay with the fact that I don't give a $hit about his kids. He doesn't expect me to (anymore). I told him it isn't going to happen; I married him, not his effin kids!