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problem sd's

jmarie's picture

Submitted by jmarie on Sun, 10/02/2011 - 5:37pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

I'm a soon to be step mom of twin step daughters.... I am at my wits end with them. I've been with their father for 3 years and we just got full custody of them about 5 months ago. I know there is a transition period but after 5 months i'm sooo tired of being disrespected in my own home. I treat these girls 100 times better then their own mother did and all i get is crap. My fiance doesn't seem to truly see it and it's tearing us apart. I come home to find all my toiletries wasted (hair products, perfume, ect), and my things riffles through. We had to put a lock on our bedroom door. All they do is fight and when I try to stop them I get an attitude. And of course when I try to talk to them I get ignored, whether it's correcting bad behavior or just talking. I'm really stuck. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to run away from all of this b/c I shouldn't have to deal with it at my age, I'm only 26. Does anyone have any advice before I end up leaving the love of my life because of his kids?

CalgonTakeMeAway's picture

Submitted by CalgonTakeMeAway on Sun, 10/02/2011 - 6:28pm

If you want to stay with your fiance, he needs to get on the same page as you with parenting. I guess the first step would be to sit down with him and tell him just how bad it is, that you're considering leaving. If he doesn't want to lose you and is willing to work on it, there's hope. If he refuses to see your side of things, you need to seriously reconsider marrying him. It will only get worse as they get older. DH is the one that needs to put his foot down and discipline them...and then let them know that you have the same authority he does.

They could be testing you to see just how far they can push. Kids are so precious like that. Heck, our BM is like that. Good luck and let us know what happens!

paul_in_utah's picture

Submitted by paul_in_utah on Sun, 10/02/2011 - 6:30pm

I highly recommend disengaging. They are his kids, and that means he is responsible for dealing with them (I am assuming that he has not granted your parental authority).

Remember, disengaging does not mean that you allow yourself to be disrespected, or your personal belongings or house to get trashed. You do have to speak up if that happens, but for the most part you sit back, and let your SO handle things.

By the way, good call on the bedroom door lock. I was forced to do the same. Be sure that you keep anything of value behind that door, because your skids WILL mess with your things if they are left out in the open.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 10/03/2011 - 8:23am

BTDT...He will not see it until he is forced to. Unfortunately the only way to make him aware is to disengage. You need to read the essays. It worked for me and ultimately when he saw it, he stepped up. SD was miserable so she sued us and now lives with BM. Made my life much easier. But, disengaging is truly the only way.