Always last
I am new on this site and just love it.
I have an issue that I am about to explode on. DH and I have been married 15 years. We each have an 18 year old as well as our 10 year old twins. My son is in the army and has come to look at DH as his dad. My SD however who lives with her mother is a differnet story. She basically runs the house at her mom's and when she comes to visit we bump heads. DH always has his head up his backside when she sasses me for things like asking her to help with dishes or pick up after herself.
Christmas was the worse when her mother accused me of being abusive and for stealing (mixup with SD credit card when she used an online account of mine to buy something..promptly paid when error was discovered). Of course when she visited I confronted her..She said she never said I was abusive and then proceeded to interrogate me like a common criminal about the cc mix up...DH refused to defend me or say a peep. The only time he said anything was when she said I blow up at her when she doesn't do what I want. Then he was very vocal.."she is right you wants things done right away"
DH and SD are talking about her coming to live with us for college. No one mentioned it to me. I only found out when she emailed daddy her essay. I told him I am in agreement because I am not going to walk on eggshells in my own home. So of course everthing is "YOU HATE MY DAUGTHER"
We are currently plannig the holiday and family in florida suggested Disney World for New Years so we can celebrate the twins b-day. I told hubby I thought that was great idea and save on air fare as SD live in Florida...what response do I get "Well you didn't want her here anyway" WTF!!!!!!
I know I am rambling but is this normal? I am put behind everything in regards to her.
Normal?
Hmmmmm I do not think it's normal. I do thinks it is waaay tooo common.
My Dh often says he and his children cannot live up to my HIGH standards. And that I hate his children. I do not hate his children. I hate that he does not parent his children and that they are allowed by DH to act like mini-adults with out the attached responsibilities.
High standards?
Me you are not leaving for the movies until your room is cleaned. My kids... if its done they go, if not they stay home. Kids like their social life.. jobs get done.
DH, just last week argued everday w/skids to have their laundry done by the time they left for their moms. He told this everyday, yet each went out to do fun things without handling their chores. DH threat (ooooh)It had better be done by the time I get home or else!!! (quivering)
SD did, SS did not. Do you know what DH.. he did the laundry AND folded it!!! How can you blame the kid?? You better do your laundry orrrr I am going to do it!!! What a frickin joke!
In fact this weekend I go to use the vacuum, we have one those that you need to empty after and sometimes during each use. His kids never empty it. Every time I go to vacuum I have to empty it. I have reminded them 1000 times. So I put a note on it. DH says another note? That is so demeaning. Demeaning? It is so thoughtless that they cannot remember and its reckless use and can wreck the vacuum. I told DH get used to the notes. If your kids can't hear maybe they can read! Which is slam because my own dgtr is deaf AND empties the vacuum. Then I am told I should be grateful that they vacuum their room at all!! HUH?? They should grateful that I let them use my vacuum to vacuum their room. The carpet is going to be replaced when they move out anyway!!
BTW this vacuum is a sore spot because his kids have gone through two vacuums in 3 years!! Apparently the other vacuums were junk. When we got this one I gave each kid a lesson. Pile settings, emptying, attachments. They are trashing this 300.00 vacuum. I had my same 59.99 Walmart special for 11 yrs and it lasted in this house 5 months!! It's not the vacuum, DH, it the nincompoops that use it!!
Millie, you are better than normal;)
Maybe you should tell your DH that you don't hate his daughter, but you do dislike her. She disrespects you and is rude, and that as an adult, you don't feel you can even stick up for yourself. Your DH should be backing you up BIG TIME on this. Your son respects and loves DH right? How come you can't have the same? Your SD sounds like a spoiled brat who needs to know that YOU are the one woman in charge of YOUR home.
Oh Millie
Unfortunately it is all too common. I don't have good advice, just support for you. I will say that you need to seek out a counselor who will help you, and DH if he will come, to realize you are not asking for too much. Respect, contribution from your kids, AND to be the one making decisions with DH, NOT a child.
Hugs, and welcome,
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra