I am new to this site, but love the unity and reassurance that no, I am not some evil witch with a hook nose and warts on my chin. So, here’s my situation: FDH (being new, I’m guessing this means future darling husband?) and I have been together for 3 years. Because of textbook definition psycho BM, I did not meet (soon to be) SS until just over one year ago. Currently, FDH and I are engaged and we are expecting our first child, a boy, in October.

Because of BM, SS goes back and forth between being hot and cold with me since our being introduced. Here are a few of the gems sprouted from BM’s rotten brain and out of the mouth of her spawn: In regards to FDH, his dad does not love him, left him (not her), and doesn’t want him anymore. In regards to me, I am a whore and a bitch (and every stereotypical fill-in-the-blank derogatory term that we’ve all heard time and time again as none of these BM’s can at least do us the favor of being original). We said “Rocky Horror Picture Show” in front of SS and he stops eating, looks at us, and says, “That’s what my mom calls RogueRanger!” (No, dear, it is not called The Rocky Whore Picture Show). SS told me he is “not allowed to hug me,” “not allowed to say I love you to me,” “doesn’t have to listen to me,” and so on. In fact, a few weeks ago when I asked him to stop playing with a candle, he responded by looking beyond me to say to FDH, “Tell your girlfriend she isn’t the boss of me” (mind you he said girlfriend with the snooty, disgusted tone one would expect from a teenage girl). When BM calls him during our overnights to say good night (usually just before 11 at night, if at all, despite the fact that this kid is 7) he’ll talk to her and say “I want to send you a picture of (such and such new toy). Don’t worry, I won’t get RogueRanger in the picture.” Or we’re at FDH’s sister’s the other day, SS is on the phone with his mom and announces “My mom says hi to everyone… except RogueRanger!.” Mind you, no one in FDH’s family will so much as speak to BM, but that is beside the point. Also, I do not care that you don’t say hi to me, what concerns me is you find nothing wrong with involving a 7-year-old in your screwball behavior. My unborn son has been referred to by BM in text messages as “It,” and she continually asks FDH why he is “not excited about the new baby.” FDH told me she literally chased him out of a school meeting with the SS’s teacher/principal (a meeting regarding his ADHD issues) screaming that I “trapped him with a baby.” Mmmhmm.

Problem is, SS is a very bright kid. I bounce back and forth between being in tears with anxiety at just the idea of his visits because of this kind of disrespect (and also due to FDH’s guilt parenting and to some behaviors that can probably be attributed to the ADHD). 85% of the time, he acts like a mini-BM and a total spoiled brat. But the rest of the time it’s like he knows better than what he’s being put in the middle of by BM (FDH and I NEVER speak badly about BM in front of him, as difficult as she makes that at times, as I believe children should never be put in the middle of adults’ issues). When we are alone in the car SS will say, “I love you, RogueRanger. DON’T tell my mom!” Like he’s scared. Or he will hug me. If FDH and I are discussing something with two sides, he will always take mine and tell his dad, “You better be nice to her (as though his dad is not allowed to so much as tell me anything I don’t want to hear)/she’s right/etc.”

What actually spurred me to write this post was something he said yesterday. Out of the blue, SS says, “Hey, RogueRanger, remember that time I almost drowned in the pool and you saved me?” (This NEVER happened, he is always watched like a hawk by his dad when in the water). I respond with “Um, no, I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” SS says, “Well, I told my mom about it and she said she’s gonna write you a nice letter.” My first thought is- Oh my, BM has really lost it this time. She’s REALLY going out on a limb to insert herself somehow into our lives. Making up something in order to contact me and going so far as to convince her son that this is something he told her in the past? But then I thought harder, and wondered if this child is wanting so desperately for peace between his homes that he made this up to his mother so he might be allowed to “like me”?

So, I’m stuck between being treated horribly by this child who I’ve bent over backward to be kind to and wanting to do everything in my power to disengage and keep him the hell away from me and feeling like the bad guy for having these feelings. Not to mention, FDH flat out tells me that I'm the bad guy when I do disengage from SS's mean behavior. How do I find peace within my own head in this situation???