Is he court ordered to pay daycare expenses, medical and dental etc, in addition to child support??? Something has gotta give. All of those expenses should already be factored into CS payments! I mean she has a new car that you guys bought her and she is still looking for more handouts? Does she even work? Your husbands lawyer better bring all of this to the judges attention-he should be supporting his child-NOT HER LIFESTYLE!!! Some women are just looking for a free ride and a meal ticket-she happens to be one of those. Do your banking seperately so that way you know none of your money is going towards lining her wallet.

My husband only has to pay about 350 a month, but this goes towards a woman who abandoned her child and left him at her mother's house. So she is living scott free and getting paid for it! She could care less about taking us to court b/c she knows she would end up losing custody then the paydays would end.

However if your SD is being brainwashed by BM that is a serious matter that also needs to be addressed. Parents should never discuss child support issues with their children!!!!

"All that we are is a result of what we have thought."- Buddha

State guidelines determined that the total cost of supporting a child in our state is $1200/mo. Then they looked at BM's and DH's salaries and determined that she makes more money than him. He only earns 33% of their combined income, so he is only responsible for 33% of the total CS amount. That works out to be $400/mo per child. DH is also responsible for 33% of all uninsured medical/dental expenses, which is ZERO because we have great insurance. There are no "extras." The CS includes everything... clothes, school supplies, daycare, sports crap, etc. Everything the kids need or want comes under "child support." We don't pay anything above the $800/mo. Ever. We do bear 100% of the cost of transporting the kids for visitation and of course we buy them gifts and stuff, but other than that, we pay $800/mo, every month, nothing more. It is a very fixed expense.

I think one mistake people make is agreeing to pay half of "extras" or in failing to stipulate what those "extras" are, failing to insist on having veto power if it's a ridiculous expense or in not putting a "cap" on the extra expenses. Let's say you have a kid who is on a team of some sort - the waterpolohockeyfootbasketballsoccertennisgolf team - and the kid participates every year and it's always $1000 a year in that expense. So you agree to cover up to $500 in "extras" and you cap it there. But agreeing to 50% of any and all extras sets you up for a lot of financial problems if the other parent signs them up for anything just to stick it to you.

~ Anne ~

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it starts taking food out of "our" kids mouths.
Step up and speak for your household!

hangingin

We have my stepdaughter 50/50 and she is 9. We have had 40-60 since she was a year old and she recently told her mom she wants to be with us the same amount as her (which I was really proud of her it takes alot to stand up to that monster). In turn we pay 398 a month in support, 1/2 of all the things her mother signs her up for, 1/2 for lunches (which I pack now for her when we have her and she loves that so I don't put any money in her account) plus provide nice clothes for our house, not to mention her mom is constantly asking us to buy the necessesities, jackets and shoes, hair cuts. I quit my full time job to stay home and raise my 2 year old twins and my husband works to provide for ALL of us, he basically he supports us and his ex, her husband, her other son (because you know darn well that money doesn't go to my stepdaughters needs).....My step daughter has ADD but real mom is in denial and won't get her treatment and I'm fed up. My husband is constantly kissing real moms butt because he is afraid she will take us back for more support because it was years ago when we went to domestics and he makes lots more money. We live in PA and the laws are so unfair. Her mom is the most unorganized person I have ever met and is constantly making us make special trips to her house because she forgets to put stuff in stepdaughters bags (soccer shirts, etc.)....She helps us for nothing and when I try to talk to her about things she says she simply doesn't have time. I wish my hsuband could stick up for us and say what the hec are you doing with the support, you need more and more money from us, if you can't afford her you shouldn't have her!!!!!!! I do work part time to get out of the house for some sanity a few nights a week.......Any comments let me know, I would be interested in hearing other step moms sad stories...I had getting no respect, although I do from my step daughter, she loves that I am organized and I take good care of her.
Thanks for letting me vent!!

My DH pays $300 per month for one child. (it was more but that's later) He has joint custody and a 50/50 split. We do not pay anything other than child support. BM signs her up for sports...she pays for it. We sign her up for events....we pay for it. At one time they were splitting the cost of prescription medicines but that stopped when she asked for 1/2 of $5.00 (we have pretty good insurance) and I wrote her a check. (I swear I really didn't have any cash on me at the time) So the next time we picked up a prescription it was $12.00. We asked for 1/2 and it was never paid. She has never again asked for 1/2 of a prescription cost. So he carries insurance, pays child support and that is all. We buy clothes for our house and she buys them for hers. Granted she doesn't buy very nice ones but I can't make her either. It took a long time to come to THAT realization.

I on the other hand have sole/full custody of my daughter and her dad only pays $40 per week. How is that fair you ask? Because he quits all of his jobs when I go for an increase because he doesn't want to pay me anymore money. Yes, he's an ass. We pay for EVERYTHING for my daughter. Medicine, doctor visits, dentist, saxophone for band...you get the idea.

The reason this is such a touchy subject for me is because in the great state of NC they automatically review the child support cases every 3 years. I DO NOT find that fair. Why should she get more child support because my husband has made something of himself and she hasn't? She is a part-time waitress. (no offense to anyone here) She doesn't aspire to be more than she is. NOT MY PROBLEM! I work full time she should work full time. My husband is a successful business man and shouldn't have to pay her more just because she's an idiot that doesn't want better in her life.

I could go on and on about this but I'm going to shut up.

Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!

if you are seeing problems with how your personal money is spent on cs, and other extras, then separate your money and figure out proportionately what expenses you really share with yours & dh's obligations. You aren't responsible financially to support his children at all. Sure, you will spend money on bdays, and special events, but the overall obligation to finance their existence soley lies with bio-parents.

Secondly, just b/c sd will say she wants to spend more time with bm doesn't mean the courts will allow it. In my state, courts will not weigh or value the desires of a minor on where they want to live, b/c they often want to live with the parent who has the least rules, and that isn't always in the best interests of the child. So, chances are, time will not change. Furthermore, make sure you tell your attorney on what sd just told you. Judges really don't like children being manipulated like this, and there may be something you can do about it.

As far as daycare, your dh is stuck with that, and same with the medical expenses. Just remember something, cs isn't forever, and neither are the daycare expenses. One day, she will be in school, and the daycare expense will really drop, and then before you know it, she will be graduating from college and on her own. If you can, try to find a way where "your" money isn't contributing towards a joint account where cs is coming from.

Lastly, no matter what, you always have a say so in what goes on in your home. When you feel like your opinion isn't valued in your own home, things need redirection.

Good luck,
Candice

My son's father paid $47.00 per month for four years until June of this year. In June it got increased to $196.00 per month. He still hasn't made a payment for the $196.00 because he is mad that it got increased. I pay for EVERYTHING while he cruises around in his new Mercedes, Suburban or truck, goes camping in his travel trailer, goes to the river in his new boat or buys another 5 bedroom home in addition to the one that he has and the other one that is being built as we speak. On the other hand, my husband pays $700 per month while we can't pay our electric bill and don't own anything except for two cars that aren't paid for. My son's b/f is self-employed and claims to only make $2000.00 per month and his wife makes the rest. I received disability for a short time which happened to be at the time our c/s was reviewed and the judge took that into consideration. It makes me SICK.

$602 per month for 3 children + half of medical/dental/extra curricular (and at one time child care as well). He has not paid anything and in c/s alone he owes me $87,000. All the medical/dental/extra curricular over the past 10 yrs I imagine would add up to a substantial amount. After the first year I stopped keeping records, but it was apprx $1700 at that time as I didn't have any insurance and to date still do not.

No matter what though, my kids are dressed nicely (watching for sales is the key), fed good food and have a roof over their head. They have never been classified as lower class because I refuse to allow that. It is not their fault their father doesn't pay anything and I have been persistant in making something of myself and kept the family afloat. Still to this day I wonder how to make ends meet, but we do it.

Because of us struggling though this has made my children more appreciative of material things. Very seldom is anything broken or misplaced. My ss's on the other hand have always gotten whatever they have wanted and are disrespectful of everything they have, whether it be clothing or material items.

So if struggling financially over the years has made my children grow up to be better individuals....then I would rather do without the c/s forever!!!!!!!!!

Corie

In the entire time the boys lived with us, their mom never helped us financially. The custody was something about joint/shared and no child support was to be paid by either (don't ask me details. I just accepted it the way it was).

I had no idea how expensive it was to raise children. So for the first year or so, I was in shock. DH and I talked about getting support from her, but you know, it was more stress than it was worth, in our opinion.

As time went by, I did say, "enough is enough" when the skids wanted cell phones or pagers or $100 tennis shoes. And they thought I was selfish, but DH nearly always backed me up. And when he didn't, I'd have my say and then leave it alone. I never wanted the skids to feel they were a burden on us, which they were, but you just can't let kids think that; it's not fair to them.

But to be honest, I have wondered at times how much more we would have if we'd had some help from the BM.