I really should learn to not say anything I just seem to jinx myself.

Long post - but i'll break it up.

First - BF told BM that he didn't like her and only wanted to talk about the kids, She was mad for all of about a WEEK, now she is acting like the whole thing never happened. Some how I knew it would be like that but I had hoped that telling her off would have made her realize that we don't care about her - but that was a pipe dream. She went from "wanting nothing from him" to calling him and joking with him again. It's so sad (prepare to eye roll) that BF txted her Sunday to tell her that he needed $30 bucks for SS6's Karate class and she txt him back. "Sure just tell me when and where... oh i thought you said Karaoke. lol" - We always ask for money for KARATE around the first of the month and I LOVE Karaoke but we would never go with her. Oh and she doesn't address me at all or even look at me - it's so 3rd grade, but hay if she doesn't talk to me then I don't have to talk to her. I admit defeat when it comes to BM, she'll never get it (for more than a week) that BF loves me and not her. The only thing I can do is laugh when she tries to get close to him and be the better woman. I know I treat BF better than she ever did and if she thinks she can 'take him away from me' then she better bring her A game

Second - in my last post I talked about thinking about working from home and my crumby job - well I got laid off on Tuesday. Was I shocked - NO! but it still sucks as I was hoping to have time to job hunt before quitting or getting canned. I can apply for unemployment though but it still won't be as much but I ended on good terms with my boss and he said he would send me freelance work. We'll see if he keeps his word though.

Third - after getting laid off I offered to baby sit the rest of the week for the sKids. Save BF about $100 bucks. Which is an adjustment, the sKids are good kids but they are used to getting their way and I have no issues say no. SS6 is quickly learning that pouting just upsets/angers me and that the TV does not have to be on ALL day. SS4 is learning to sit and eat when I tell him or he has to wait until the next eating time. Of course none of that matters because they go back to BM Sunday and back to getting their way all the time. I was completely unprepared this week though i have great ideas of things to do with the kids. Also I don't believe in lying but I told the sitter (BM's FMIL) that I was going to watch them because I was 'working from home' this week. I didn't want her to tell BM that I got laid off yet because even though it's none of her business - it would be her business.

Fourth - In my last post a few people commented on the 'M' word. I don't want a ton of people blaming BF. I told him that we should date at least a year - which is officially Aug 1st (though I knew him longer than that) I said if he asked me before then the answer would be NO. But I want him to be sure, I know after what happened with BM and their divorce he is a little scared for a number of reasons. One being that he says BM changed a lot after the wedding and even more after they had kids. Which I told him kids do change things but technically we already have kids (all be it every other week). We currently live as a married couple now but I want him to be sure before he asks because I plan for it to be a forever thing. I am not in a hurry though because i know our biggest issue is BM and getting engaged/married won't change anything with her. If anything it will upset BM more because she does not like me, since I am not like her and not approved by her.

Fifth - I am not going to lie I have a bit of the baby bug. But I know in my head that it's a bad idea. I think a lot of it is my age (27 1/2). I always said i wanted a baby before 30 or I wasn't having one at all - but I have time (2 years). And I am still coming off birth control (depo shot) - because it made me crazy - but that could be affecting me. We still use protection. But like yesterday when I was sitting in the chair with SS4 - it was sweet but he's not mine. I Love the boys and I do mother them when I can but I know they are not mine - I would have raised them differently and be more active in pushing for what is best for them than BM is/does. And I see BF with them - he loves kids. I know he would have more in a heart beat. I also know in my heart what will happen when/if we do have a baby. I will love it more than the SKids, because I can do more for it than I can with them. I could raise it the way I want and BM wouldn't be involved. And SS6 is already jealous of my CAT, whom I baby. Probably more so now that I have the 'Bug'. lol. But when I talk to her, or hold her, SS6 has to be right there and he freaks the cat out. My cure is telling myself that I need to get to a certain place before I can have a baby. The first being letting my system work it's self out after getting off Depo and then maybe getting in shape, eating right and all that. I know that NOW is not the time for a baby - at least being engaged would be nice too.