Help question!
Hello there! My husband and I has been married for 1 year and we have a 11 month old son together. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage which he sees every Sunday. I have a hard time with these kids for several reasons that would take too long to explain but primarily DH treats these kids way differently than puts because he doesn't get to see them frequently. They don't eat anything but chicken nuggets and Give h a guilt trip When he won't buy them things. Child support is a whole different issue. We pay 800$ per month and have a back support balance of $6000 from before he and I were together. Now here's my issue today... After we found out we were pregnant with our son we decided we wanted our kids to be close in age so we would start trying for another this October. Now last week he told me he was going to get a vasectomy and not tell me because he didnt want anymore kids. Now this left me feeling like I wasn't good enough. Like maybe he loved his ex more. Why would he have 2 with her and not with me. Pety I know. Then he said he didn't want 4 kids. And we had to much debt with the back child support to bring another baby in the world. Which then just left me feeling resentful towards those kids. It's like I an paying for his mistakes/poor choices with my happiness and future. I'm pissed that those kids always interfere with our lives! Is there anyway to get over this or I am doomed to be pushed aside my whole life? Please any comments will be helpful. I have no one to talk to about this!
oh my...that does kinda
oh my...that does kinda suck...I understand him not wanting ababy right now, I think that is a very responsible way to look at it. But what would be wrong with just hold out for awhile, getting the debt taken care of, and then talking abot a baby??? why a vasectomy, reversals are a bitch. and if the close in age thing is not that important, why dont you offer to get an IUD (loved mine when I had it) and in a few years or whenever you get life under control reconcider the baby thing.
And I dont think he is thinking you are not good enough...I know with my DH he does not think that far into things. I am going to assume that your DH is just looking at the money and doesnt want to put more strain on you and the household.
Maybe I'm a cold heart b but
Maybe I'm a cold heart b but I just can't stand these kids. I know it's not their fault but i dont want anything to go with them. But DH gets mad because I'm not trying to be their friend. I agree that I need to focus on the positives with my son and being a good mom to him I just wish there was some way to get rid if the feeling that his choices made my happiness almost non exsistant. Maybe I just need to grow up a little.
Tmoore you're probably right
Tmoore you're probably right about him not wanting to cause strain I guess I'm just left feeling Luke our family is put in second place again. Again I know I'm being Pety I just can't knock these feelings which causes anger and anxiety when I do have to see skids.
I feel that way also
I feel that way also sometimes, I also have to remind myself that DH his always tuck right in the middle. and walking this tight rope is hard on him as well...and I am not always good at remember that.
He feels guilty when he take my kids to go do something fun when the skids are not here, like they are locked in a dungen or something, nope they are out doing fun things with their household.
And I dont think you are being petty at all...lol it is hard to like kids that dont belong to you that you see once a week and that take piority when they are around. I just had to have a talk with DH about the same thing, DH and BS12 have a tv schedule set up during the week, so that DH can watch his shows and DS can play xbox. and when the skids come over they have full range of the tv, and dh does not enforce the schedule.
BTW i think the tv schedule is effing stupid, but i stay out it because it is something they came up with. But i got pissed about the fact that HIS kids are important enough to get the tv when ever they wanted.
And also trust me this shit gets more petty over time, really the tv schedule...lol but us wemon are all kinds of mama bears when others have influence over our babies.
Also he is with you and he came with baggage, it sucks but that is the reality, I would not think of it as second place, just a part of a bigger picture, that he is trying really hard to make everone happy, and DHs suck at it...lol
Hopefully you have separate
Hopefully you have separate accounts! It sucks but "first families" always seem to take priority these days.
The money thing is always going to be there so you pretty much have to accept DH pouring money into that 21 year plus sinkhole. Nothing you can do about that. HOWEVER, the "I don't want to discipline my kids b/c I don't see them that often" HAS to GO!
Have him read this:
http://questions.org/attq/how-can-we-discipline-the-children-in-our-blen...
Thanks for all your input it
Thanks for all your input it really does help to get an outsiders perspective and realize DH doesn't mean harm. I love him I just wish someone wouldve prepared me for how hard being a blended family really is!