Ok, the princesses hate each other. Neither is making any bones about it. FSD16 is girlie, "S" is a complete tomboy. Her only 'girlie' activity is ensuring her hair looks ok and it was her mom that did that, not her choice.

These two girls can get on each others nerves faster than you can blink. On a positive "S" and FSS13 get along like best friends. Last night they were outside with flashlights and nerf guns playing man hunt!

"S" had her apt. Monday with the grief councelor. One thing I brought up to the councelor is how I went from being "mama sasx" which is what she has called me her whole life, to mom. According to the councelor she is laying claim to me, especially since she is faced with other kids who were here 'before' her. If I am SASX to those kids and Mom to her, I am more 'hers' than 'theirs'. I can understand that, I just don't want her six months or a year from now regretting the name change and feeling guilty that she 'replaced' who she called mom so quickly. Councelor does not feel that is going to be an issue, truly feels its an ownership challenge esp since she calls SO by his name not dad. She isn't laying claim to SO, just me.

"S" birthday is next week and I am torn on what to get her so I am seeking some advice.

She has plenty of clothes, a lot of age appropriate toys, books and games. First thought was take her to Disney/ Busch Gardens and let her have some fun, but I do not want to turn into a Disney Mom. Second thought was getting her a computer for school work/ her use. I read horror stories on here of kids ruining computers and virusing them and I want to save mine, so my thought was get her a decent (not high end) computer that would be adequate for high school.

Then I start second guessing myself because there are horror stories of kids running amuck on the internet. I can secure the computer, password protect and parental block the heck out of it. But I am wondering if a 14 yo needs her own computer? Is it appropriate? Am I overcompensating for dead parents? Spoiling the kid already?

Advice needed please?!