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Well I've just moved back from the big city (hated it) & am in total transition mode. I have a new job & a new home, even though my stuff is not moved into it yet. Until then I am staying with my parents...
...until this weekend. My patience - which is scarce to begin with - is running out. My step dad - a decent man, not physically abusive or anything - is a spoiled rotten brat who shows no common courtesy to anyone. Well, there's a reason I never joined the military. An authority figure who talks down to me & commands me & expects me to jump when they say so only gets a reply of "eat shit." After 21 years of this, he hasn't learned? Hello! Well, I've learned that opening my mouth & bitching at him is way better than silent resentment. Not only does it communicate to him that I'm not putting up with it, it's a pressure relief for me.
There's also another issue I'm dealing with. I'm 31 years old & looking to date, mostly men my age or older. I'm an only child & I've always felt more comfortable with older people. And most times older men come with kids. I don't have a problem with that, I just want to be prepared in case I start dating a man with kids... what to expect in regards to them & their family... his relationship with the BM... etc. Not to mention that I don't want to treat my potential SK the way I have been treated as a SD.
Am I neurotic? Probably. But at the moment, while my life is on limbo waiting to get my stuff & settle into my new place (& pay the debts I owe for moving) I'm bored & need to occupy my mind. It keeps me from going crazy, which isn't a long trip for me! Haha!
Comments
My advice...
don't do it. If I were you I'd avoid dating men with kids. I'd avoid it like the plague! Just keep reading the blogs on this site..if that isn't enough to scare you away..I don't know what will!
agree with hanny..
do your best not to get involved with a man with kids. there are plently of men out there who don't have kids. of course we cannot help who we fall in love with but no matter how you play the hand it always comes out completely different than you hope or expect it to.
Interesting
When I get a chance I read some of the various posts & what I'm seeing is mostly trouble with the BM's & ex wives. It's not the kids, unless they are being manipulated by the BM's.
Just pointing out the obvious. I do that.
Don't Say No Right Away
I think that this site, while important for venting and gaining advise from others has its downside also. The majority of the posts are about the negative side of step-parenting, whether it be about the kids specifically or the bio-parents and those situations can be challenging to say the least. But not all situations are like the ones you read here. Don't let the posts you read here scare you from men with children.
With that said, there's a boatload of red flags you can learn to identify simply by reading the posts here. You are the only one that will know what you can or are willing to handle, but this site can give you some insight about what to look for or what to avoid.
Armed with this information I would not turn away from a man with children just because of what you read here. Should you meet a man with children, I would encourage you to get to know the man first (including the details surrounding the kids' mother) and approach it with cautious optimism. And should you take the step into a relationship with a man and his children arm yourself with knowledge. One good book I read was, "Step by step Step-parenting."
As a step-mother to four boys for the last 11 years, while it has been hard and challenging, and as I've said, "like pinning jello to the wall" it's still very rewarding and I have a fulfilling relationship with a great guy...and I've learned so much about myself and interpersonnal relationships through my experience as a step-mom.
That's my advise.
Riley...
Thank you, I really needed to know that. Especially since I just met a man who has 2 boys. I don't know the details yet, but so far this man seems like a gentleman, so I'm going to try not to let him get away so easily. If anything pans out I'll look into the book you told me about. I'll also try to read up on dating a man with kids. Thanks again!