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Relatedness matters?? How much?

EleanorD's picture

Submitted by EleanorD on Wed, 06/22/2011 - 10:05am

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

Hi! I recently read Wednesday Martin's book, Stepmonster. I am getting ready to be a full-time custodial new stepmother to a SD (7). I have no children of my own.

I have to say that the book immediately took off my rose tinted glasses and has made me question the hopes that I had for our family. I felt that with time I would love and care for this stepdaughter the way I would my own child. But after several years of dating, these feelings have not materialized. I still felt hopeful (before reading the book) that it would happen that way after we started living together. But of course, the book is making me question that.

What do you guys feel about the book Stepmonster? Have those been your experiences?

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 2:22am

Hi - I have heard this book mentioned so many times on this site, that I got around to ordering it yesterday, and will let you know what I think when it arrives. As for loving your SD, I have been with my SDs for 9 years and I am no nearer loving them now than I was then. I think it is often asking way to much of step relations to expect them to love each other. If you can live together with civility and peace some of the time, that is a great achievement, in my view.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 5:28am

I've heard so much about the book from this site. I want to know what all the hoopla is about so I'm picking up a copy today. I don't have the SK issue many here post about. My issue is with one of the BMs. Take her out of the equation and my life would be bliss. I wonder if there is a BM chapter in the book.

mama_althea's picture

Submitted by mama_althea on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:17am

I guess by the time I read Stepmonster, I had lost any optimism, so the book came as a huge relief to a) make me feel more "normal" b)organize my thoughts and put into better wording what I was thinking and feeling and c)help me cope, although it's not really a "how-to" book, it did give me some perspective.

I do recommend it. This reminds me, I think I'll go back and re-read some of it soon...