SD just told me she never wanted to be adopted..
Raised her since she was 3 as the only father she ever had. Her BF is worthless as can be. She is graduating college this weekend and after doing everything to make that happen for her over 20+ years I am told I am not worthy of adopting her and that she only did if because my mother wanted her too.
I have never felt so used in my life and at this point I am in full bitter mode with no end in sight. The wife turned into a drunk after 17 years of marriage and we have been seperated for 2 years as they used me to get make sure everything they needed stayed in place till she finished school.
If not for me and my family this kid never would have gone to college! Her moms family couldn't scrape up a degree between all of them and my family ALL has degrees so who do we think is most likely responsible for that happening the educated or the uneducated that did nothing to pay for the education! Hell her own family didn't think she could even pass college courses.
So much bitterness in me as my wife lived with my mother as she tried to help her through recovery after rehab and meanwhile I am in the city with her whole family (the only reason I am here to begin with) and not a SINGLE ONE of them has called me in 2 years. Their daughter is LIVING WITH MY MOTHER and they can't even call me to see how I am doing? Now the SD I raised lives with the in-laws and hasn't spoken to me for almost as long and when I do reach out she tells me that she never wanted to be adopted.
On that note folks I have nothing left to say to this girl that she would want to hear I assure you. I called her voicemail since she wouldn't dare answer my call and told her to get ready for the slap of reality coming her way. I just cancelled her health insurance and would love to see the look on her face when she goes to pick up her monthly maintenance meds and they tell her it is going to cost $800 since she no longer has insurance! She is going to find out real quick just how much she wasn't sacrificed for.
As for me I am going on a cruise with the money I save 
Time to live life for me since the past 20 years all the times I was told I was her dad and she thought of me that way were all lies. Enough of living for others that use you. Live for yourself.
Never marry a person thinking you will be their kids parent. No matter what you do you will always be sub-human parent. If you want a kid have one of your own or just go without. They are highly overated to begin with.
Anyone got similar story? Going read some posts now. Glad I found this forum I am sure to be back as I have plenty to VENT!
D.
I'm so sorry. You enjoy your
I'm so sorry. You enjoy your cruise and know that you don't have to do anything else now. You are not obligated. Just know that no matter what SD says, you raised her right and she turned out that way because of you.
Your situation is
Your situation is heart-breaking, but I will say this:
Good for you for not continueing to be a doormat in a hopeless situation. Too many people, it seems, just keep giving and keep giving and keep giving in hopes that some day their ungrateful child(ren) will see the light and want to have a meaningful parent-child bond.
Thanks for all the supportive
Thanks for all the supportive comments. This is all just so hard for me to put into place as a Engineer I am very cut and dry, nail on the head kind of person. Yet the more I try to figure out logic of it all in my head I am just getting more bitter and resentful.
What amazes me is the SD is getting her degree this weekend in.... wait for it.......... SOCIAL WORK!!!!!!!!!!! yet she couldn't even handle me telling her my feelings without walking off. Nor can she see that I am the man that provided and sacrificed for her in lieu of having a child of my own. All the time knowing her own BD didn't care a bit and never provided a dime of support financially or otherwise. So the SD is about to go help people with personal issues for a living when she is so ignorant of the fact that she had with me what many kids never get from their real parents much less get a shot at a second go round with a step parent that cares as much.
I am just stunned and confused as to how someone could be so damn clueless as to how they are ruining the only father relationship she is ever going to have. This even after trying to get back with the BF years ago and having that blow up in her face. I even supported her doing that but told her not to expect much. He lived right up to that expectation too.
I feel like I have paid for a kid to get an Auto Mechanic Certification and as soon as they get it their cars alternator goes out and they come ask me to figure it out and fix it! I mean what will she tell the man that comes to her that has all the issues I have now? What will she tell the SD of someone else as advice, ahhh just tell him you never wanted him to adopt you in the first place that should run him off. Worked for me anyway when I told my adoptive dad to get screwed!
When she was young she would come home and talk about how aweful some of her friends parents and dads were to their kids and how she was so happy it wasn't like that at our home. I guess she forgets about where all those friends are with their real dads, knocked up with a couple kids on welfare living in the trailer park. Not about to graduate college with nothing but wide open opportunities in front of them and nothing to hold them back.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so much to vent.. I guess it will come in spurts..
What really sucks is as much as I want to feel like I was successful in raising a child that excelled I feel like I must have done something wrong as no one I would raise could be so shallow and cold to someone so close to them. That is very disheartening to say the least that I couldn’t get her to understand that. She has no concept of principle over perception.
Thanks again for all the kind words. I just googled ungrateful step kids lol I never imagined whole forums dedicated to them. That should tell any prospective step parent all they need to know lol.
there are some things we just
there are some things we just can't control. sometimes you try your hardest and they still end up selfish because of something you weren't able to control.
Wow....my fiance could have
Wow....my fiance could have written your post. He has the exact same situation. Adopted his ex-wife's daughter when she was very young, sent her to private schools, gave her everything and she doesn't come around unless there's something in it for her. She has told him on numerous occasions that he isn't her dad and in the next breath she asks for money.
She graduates from high school next week. YIPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would she like you to disown
Would she like you to disown her and have her reimburse you for the difference in the life you provided and the one she would have had?
Just a thought.
I'm really sorry she's so ungrateful for all you've invested in her personally and financially. I hope one day she comes back in bended knee and thanks you from the bottom of her heart.
Sounds like the entitled red
Sounds like the entitled red faced toddler screaming: "I never asked to be born!!!"
What an immature little twit!
One mantra rings true in stepmom world. Do a little more each day and each day a little more will be expected.
Expect ZERO gratitude from skids!
Used Up - I can see why you
Used Up - I can see why you feel bitter.
Many of us on this forum - especially those with adult steps are somewhat jaded!
Did you say that you adopted your SD right before she stopped talking to you? If so, the timing of this does seem to indicate underhandedness from both SD and your wife.
However, even though our own bios can say some ugly things to us at times (this can be- in my humble opinion- part of their breaking away on their own process and also why we are able to be glad to see them go - despite the pain of missing them), it seems unlikly that this is what is going on in your case because you indicated that your adult step has refused all communication for 2 years. Didn't you say you had been seperated from her mother for 2 years? Is there any connection to the seperation?
You have my sympathy for having to deal with an alcoholic partner for all those years and all that goes with that. In many ways you are blesed that you are now able to start over.
Since you adopted her do you have to name her as an heir? If she is not a forced heir in your state, you could consider letting both your wife and SD know that she is not in your latest will ( I would assume you took care of this when you handled the insurance issue) because she has stated she did not want the adoption! You should then be able to sit back and enjoy the meltdown!
I've been where you are.
I've been where you are. What I did, I did out of love and trying to do the right thing. Do I feel like it is unfair now that I've been shut out. Yes, but...I did it of my own free will, never really feeling like he (the stepson) was obligated to me. Did I think it would seal our relationship--yes, I did and I was wrong. I'm not bitter but I won't let it happen again. I'm hurt and I'm also done. I know that I'm a good person because even his own mother didn't do what I did. Whether he ever understands or not, he has lost a lot more than I have. He lost a person who loved him just because. He had a person who stepped in when his mother left him and willingly took on the job. He has lost something greater than he ever knew he had and it is his loss. Whether he ever realizes it or not remains to be seen. But I'm no longer there for him. The question I can't answer is would I have done it if I knew then what I know now. Somehow I think I would have done it anyway and would have tried to beat the odds! Let it go. You are a wonderful person and really gave a young girl a father and with your love and direction, you gave her a future. Be proud of what you've accomplished. Whether she ever appreciates it or not, you know what you've done for her. Someone stepped up to be the hero and it was you.