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I HATE Mothers Day

schatzie's picture

Submitted by schatzie on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 11:16am

OMG I thought I was the only one with SD issues! I am so glad I found this site. About a week or two before Mothers Day I always get so depressed. I am happily married to a wonderful man who has a 17 year old bio daughter. The bio mom is completely out of the picture and has been for the last 11 years. Still, my SD17 does not treat me like her mom. She sent me a text yesterday saying Happy Mothers Day! Nice, yeah, a call would have been appropriate. I am the only "mother" she has. I went to go visit my mom out of state for mothers day knowing that Mothers day at home would be miserable anyway. I really really hate mothers day! My husband didn't even acknowledge the day. I'm not his mother. I have a great relationship with SD BUT.. it's almost like she has a secret pact with her bio to not let me be mom. I am the one that does the driving to school, to work, to BF house, to doctors etc etc... I guess I am just a guardian. My mother-in-law normally buys a card for SD to give me. How stupid is that! Last year SD didn't even give it to me. We have a typical mother-daughter relationship. She is my buddy but something is missing. I guess she wishes she could have picked her Step mom. I don't know. I just pray no one in this family asks me how my mothers day was or I am going to loose it! Please tell me I'm not the only one out there that hates mothers day!

Comments

uncommon's picture

Submitted by uncommon on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 11:31am

If it makes you feel better I got irrationally depressed for the entire week about Mother's Day... and I am the bio-mom AND got to pick up DD early from XH (we switch weekly and usually exchange at 6 pm).

It was the first time I have ever felt unhinged over Mother's Day even though we split up over 3 years ago.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 11:35am

I hate it too. We actually had SS12 over night on Saturday and I got a 1/2 assed... totally forced "Happy Mother's Day" from him on his way out the door Sunday morning which of course pisses me off too that DH still has to cater to BM and SS on MY day... but I digress..NO day is my day. I got nothing from SD13, no call, no text no nothing. But whatever, she showed up for Father's Day last year with nothing for DH.. no card, no gift no nothing, so I shouldn't be offended. DH did get me a cute card and some candy from BS1 which was fine.

I guess I just get ticked because on Father's Day I make a huge deal, last year he got breakfast in bed, I bought steaks for him and skids to have for lunch and I bought him a hundred dollar gift from BS1. I got the "What do you want for Mother's Day?" question.... really DH? nothing.. don't bother, if you can't be bothered to put some thought into it, if it's just "another" annoying day that you feel expected to get me something then forget it.

Is it a man thing???

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 11:41am

I would put this one squarely on the kid's shoulders and not yours. Some kids are SO ungrateful, it's amazing. My SD18 doesn't acknowledge me at Mother's Day in any way, and I'm used to it and frankly it doesn't bug me anymore. I wouldn't want anyone thinking I had a hand in how she is turning out!

BUT, for Father's Day, DH got a big fat nothing from SD18. Not a visit, not a gift, not a card, not a phone call, not a text. Nothing. Can you believe it? And he would never admit it because that would show how ungrateful/bratty SD18 is. Our two bios went out of their way to make it a great day for him, and that has to be enough.

arjuna79's picture

Submitted by arjuna79 on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 12:01pm

I hate it in more ways than I can name.
I hate it for the years that my own dad made us kids glorify the "mother" who was abusing us every single day.
I hate it for my DD's father, who whined about having to watch her (at age 5) while I traveled to support us and he just wanted to hide in his man cave, depressed over losing his job. And then told me that HE deserved the Mothers Day presents.
I hate it because nobody works harder than a single mom, being both good cop and bad, and the work that goes into raising a grounded, productive young adult is never-ending, and the artificial holiday thing demeans all that.
I hate it because DH leans relentlessly on my self-sufficient DD, projecting all his frustrations over his own inept clueless (grown) kids onto her, and then thinks that a "Happy M D" card means something -
I hate it when I see my step-grand-daughter suffer because her "mother" is so locked into delusions of "perfect mother" stories that she is ignoring the needs of the child in front of her.

It's really about the mother "moments," those split seconds, those real thank-yous, the authentic acknowledgments, the glimmers when you see that they "got it" and are living from their own integrity, that you modeled and demanded of them over all those years. That showed them how to move thru a messy world, knowing that their true mom in the real world is always there, fiercely loving.

It's about showing UP ever single freaking day, not this fake nauseating showing OFF thing.

Anyway. Phew.