Here is my opinion. I'm sure it's not a popular opinion, but heres my two cents.

1. Is there a court order in place? If so, I'm sure your DH fought his ass off to at least get the weekends with his kids. My DH has every other weekend with my SD. This is Supposed to be your DH's quality time with his children. When else is he going to get to spend time with his children? I doubt he has much time, same as my DH. I know the every other weekend thing is hard. VERY hard. We have to plan our lives around which weekend he has SD. It's tiring and I understand.

2. Is there a Parenting Plan/Residentual Schedule in place?if so, does it have a section regarding planning activities during the other parents time? DH has issues with this. BM has signed SD up for soccer, ballet, tap, jazz, swimming, baseball and tennis during his time. Result? After about a year or so of getting up at 7AM on Sat and Sun. to get SD to whatever activity she had that particular weekend, DH told BM that he will no longer be taking SD to any activities during HIS time. It's HIS time with his kids(If he saw SD more regularly it wouldnt be an issue)but since he only sees SD every other weekend, all the extra activites takes away from DHs time with SD.

Final thought; I'm sure your DH loves his children deeply and you should not hire a baby sitter for his kids during his time. It's not right. If you're going to get a baby sitter, just leave them with their mother. Just tell BM/DH that all the activities during his time is taking away fro his actual quality time.

Hope this helps

My DH never allowed BM to sign SS up for anything on our weekend...if she signed him up we got to decide if he was going to go and if we let him go she had to come pick him up and drop him back of....it is a mind game...I mean really religion classes? Your weekends are your weekends...My SS learned a long time ago he is not allowed to say the word BORED in this house.that was a huge fight..I am not the entertainment...this is not McD's playland..go outside and blow some stink off..you are not required to go go go....the adults decide what is done during the weekends....and sometimes that is NOTHING.........

I agree with others. Just dont take the kids all these places. I believe a child should be allowed to be in extracurricular activities-but if this is occurring ALL the time then it needs to stop. If your dh does not think they need to go to religion classes then he shouldnt take them. Because if they are sitting in religion class they arent hanging out with their dad either. How old are the kids?

Now that being said-this weekend I had to get up at 6:30 on Saturday to take my dd to cheer tryouts. On Sunday I got up at 6am to wake up my son for his confirmation practice. No sleeping in here for this momma! This is reality for many parents-the running your kids here and there and to and fro. I do it every weekend-I am assuming your skids bm does it the weekends she has them as well. I would love love love to sleep in til 8am once in a while (9am is a fantasy for him and I cant recall sleeping this late in years).

So part of me feels like your dh needs to buck up and accept being a parent. But part of me also feels like you need to find a balance. I would at least talk to your dh about working on making the kids be more independent. Get a timer, or set the microwave and tell them it is quiet time for the net 30 minutes-they can read, play quietly in their room, lie down and nap, whatever and do this every day (again not sure how old they are?). If they cant make it 30 start with something smaller-but then eventually work your way up. If I was going to hire a babysitter-I would be more inclined to do so in the evenings-after you've run them here, there, and yonder, you could hire a sitter and have an adult evening. Dh and I have done this even though ss is only here eowe. For one thing sometimes there are adult functions that you just need to be at-for example a work dinner or party, your best friends anniversary party, whatever-things that are important to the two of YOU and you should be at. And once in awhile you just need to get away when you need to get away-not wait until it is convenient for the skids, bm, and the rest of the universe. The world should NOT stop when skids are there-if you and dh take a night out once in awhile-you are also teaching them about a balance between kids needs and adult needs. You are teaching them that loving couples spend time alone together to nourish their relationship. These are important things to teach them and I wouldnt feel bad about doing this sometimes. It would be great if you could get a sitter who was a family member so they could enjoy quality time with an extended family member as well that they might not ordinarily get.

I agree that he should not be taking them to every little thing bm signs them up for! That is crap! Bm tried this in the beginning and after I stepped in and pointed out to dh that he can't let bm get away with that crap only in my situation bm was just keeping them on his weekends saying they HAVE to go and she HAS to take them. Dh put his foot down and she doesn't do that any more, the only time they have anything on his weekends is school related like band and football and stuff. Now on that stuff he is starting to put his foot down saying he CAN take them not like we live that far from their stuff.

Your dh needs to take back his time with the kids and not be dictated my bm b/c that is what she is doing. She is making sure that your dh's time is being interrupted with all this crap. What your dh needs to do is tell bm that all actives that are on his time will go through him before she signs them up and if not they will not be going til she talks to him and make sure he is ok with it. If not they don't go. This is his time he gets to decide not bm.

We don't mind taking the kids to sports, lessons, etc. What I hate is when BM insists on being there too, so it takes away from dh's time with the kids. She is so insecure, jealous and lonely that she can't go one day without talking to or seeing her kids, making a big production out of how much she misses them and what she's buying them while they are with dad. She takes over every activity with them and won't let DH help or participate or be involved. It makes me sick so I don't even go anymore. I can't stand watching her manipulations.

Tell the BM to take the kids to these activities in the week. screw her on the weekends its with you SO. Its HIS weekend not the ex's!

Secondly
If you can't stand the kids and they are annoying and disrespectful, try to give them direction and be a "step parent" or get the hell out. Your only going to end up resenting him because of his kids.

He has kids. Nomatter how much you dislike them. Get rid of the game plan weekends and do fun things together you all want to do

YOur a stepparent now there are no "weekends off" your with a adult who has kids. thats his gig. get used to it or get out. thats my 2 lousy cents

my fiance is in your boat and I tell him all the time this. get used to it you knew I had kids.

well my opinion is this. FIRST i will say that above all the other activites teh religion class is far from being the useless one. i think kids learning about God and Jesus is way more imporatant and useful then any other activity.
SECONDLY: its not ur responsibility so id say "tough" either hegets up and takes care of his little sperm deposits, or they DONT COME! i would never watch my SS as I never expected my DH to watch my daughter when i worked either. just not cool

weather they are yours or not they are "family". I was raised in a huge italian family, My parents seperated when I was 17 (thank god!) and my stepdad came into the picture a year or two later..now, he didn't get along with one of my sisters but always tried and always did what my mom needed (pick up a sister from school or practice etc-drive them to school if he was free) now I know not everyone is a "team player" and I know that skids are hard (I have one I get it) but I was raised that family is family, your with this person who has kids (terrors or not) and they are you PARTNER, YOUR TEAMMATE. Whats the point of getting married if you refuse to deal with them at all.
With that said he needs to be the dad and pull his dad weight they are HIS children to not do his part and suck it up put the ex in her place etc is bull.

They have these kids, they exist writing them off is not the answer..I have my own issues with my fiance' don't get me wrong, I know how you feel and its funny because I think we are not alone obv. (he has issues with my kids because he has 0 feelings for them"they just never came.") FINE but. You should help out and I don't expect anyone to like just anyone but to me and this is just my opinion, you should be a family and act as one. if you can sit down and get a list of rules- across the board his kids or yours or whatever, get a united front maybe you can figure out the ex thing. She sounds like a insecure controlling woman. Lucky for me my ex just trusts me that my judement is good and we also don't schedule on eachothers time. We do what we want with our kids on our days. Thats the way it should be. its your time not hers! as far as the schooling trips or whatever goes, forget it, again she should not be making plans on his days. its bullshit. that'd be the day my ex told me I was taking my kid here or there, granted if my sons wanted to play a sport thats a different story but my fiance's ex is the same way, signing her son up for all sorts of things that take up her time (shes a young mom and I think doesn't know what to do with her son hence the weekend only visits) but she is also trying to do that to us too and my fiance put on her brakes and said I don't friggin think so!

I'm not saying suck it up or get out I'm saying that you knew he had kids, and I'm sure they are horrid (aren't all kids lol) but you knew he had children we are adults they are the kids, we need to be adults and help our partner out, I'm not saying watch them 24/7 but what if he needed your help , your supposed to be the person he leans on? right? well if he was in a pinch and needed lets say you to watch the kids for 3 hrs are you going to say no? or be the adult and help him out?

I don't understand the mentality that anyone has where they wouldn't help out their partner or teammate whatever you want to call you SO....

Well, if he only has his one child every other weekend, then I say you just suck it up. NONE of us like waking up at 7am to get the kiddos to soccoer practice, our bios or step, but we do it bc we love them. Yes, we are exhausted at the end of hte day, no it is not appreciated BUT it is a part of being a parent. If he hates it that much, then let him decide how to handle it. Some of us really have our entire life dictated by step kids, not just eowe. I'm sure you get plenty of YOU time when the kid is not there..maybe you should look into keeping yourself busy and let your DH enjoy his child

How does DH feel about taking the kids to theses planned BM activities? He needs to put his foot down if you guys are on the same page.