I've been packing stbxH's stuff all week and putting it in sd's room so when he comes by pick it up tomorrow morning it will all be ready to go.

I found a box that had old letters from him to bm and some from bm to him. I didnt even know about this box. and of course I read them. lol He was 16 when they started dating. Its funny how its been almost 10 years, and not much has changed. Some of the same behaviors he wrote to her in the notes are the ones he exhibited with me (when things are clearly his fault, he tries to twist it onto me, doesnt take blame very well, doesnt hardly apologize when things are his fault, gets angry very fast, temper, talks about dying if he doesnt have her, they would still be friends if they broke up) Its almost a weird thing reading those notes. and its funny because some of the stuff he said to her, he has said to me as well.

and last night, I meant up with him because he said he would sign the divorce paper work. He brought up the past and how I could of 'told him differently' about wanting a divorce and that he wouldnt of said all those things about suicide. It pissed me off, but I just let him say whatever the hell he wanted, I am done fighting with him, I dont give a damn, I just want him to sign the papers so I can file them and get it over with. Its odd to sit next to the person who you thought you would spend the rest of your life with at one point, and not feel a damn thing. That's how it was. Not a flutter of my heart or ANYTHING. and i do feel guilty for ending it, but you know, in every relationship, one person (if both dont feel the same way) takes more of the guilt at first because they are deciding the end the relationship. Its a crappy feeling, but it has to be done. stbxH also said "i wont ever feel for another woman like I did you" and "nothing is ever going to give me happiness like what you and I had" oh what the hell ever. its what YOU had in your mind. It wasnt there for me.

So then he decides he wants"to let it soak in, so let me keep the paperwork for a while and then I'll give it back to you before I leave" that pissed me off as well, because I never would of met up with him if he hadnt of given the impression he was going to sign them right there. but then he texts me this morning and said "papers are all signed" so then I said are you going to bring them tomorrow when you get your stuff. All he said was "thats a good question" he better. He's not moving right away, stupid b*tch face Ex MIL is coming down here later that night to pick up the rental truck and move it into her place while he waits on his store transfer to go through, which hopefully wont take too much longer. Hes been staying at a hotel on one of my aunt's dime for 2 weeks, so when that runs out, hes SOL.

I'll definitely miss sd. She is such a cutie. stbxH keeps saying "we'll be friends though and you can still see her" uhm Im so sure. and Im keeping his last name, even though we were only married for less than a year. I honestly dont like my maiden name. Its my mother's ex husband's name, not my dad's, so it doesnt mean anything to me. and its such a hassle to change everything over again and it feels like I just went through it! lol. Ive been thinking about changing it either to my dad's last name or just something completely new, but I wont worry about that right now. I've got to get H on his own individual phone plan as right now we are on a family plan. So much stuff still to do, it feels like. One step at a time I suppose. I am just SO GLAD ITS FINALLY OVER. I AM FREE AGAIN.