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bm's a gem

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 8:54am

so BM called DH last night to see if the vehicle for ss15 (16 in a week) is ready for him. DH fixed some minor things on it because he likes to tinker and has the knowledge to do this sort of thing and if he doesn't, his friends do. The other night DH told her it was almost ready - just had to fix one last thing he was waiting on a part. He informs her what the bill was so she could pay a portion of it.
Rewind to last week when DH got a text message from BM telling me to stay out of ss18's college preparations because i'm frustrating and confusing him. I was trying to help him get financial aid - or at least go through the proper steps. BM wants him to go to a bank for financing. Ok - fine. i back off, their kid - they can worry about it.
i get a text from ss18 saying that his mom mailed us financial aid info for us to look at. (somehow the letter that she mailed somehow got it back to hand deliver to dh last night)
now we're back to last night...since she was so nice to call ahead to see if we were home, i decided my nails needed a fill Smile unfortunately i missed bm and stepdad's visit to get the truck. DH hands me her "letter" when i got home. he smiles at me when i walk in and say did i miss them - so sad. he smiles and said he wished he could have had an excuse and told them keys are in it - best of luck.
her letter is telling DH that they are unable to finance 10k of his tuition and that DH should get a personal loan as well as take the difference when his child support drops off and to put that towards the childs education. i was pissed reading this thing. my thought - maybe bm should have put some of the 75k he's paid this bitch in a college fund instead of her house remodeling.....we know damn well this money didnt go to the children because WE are the ones buying them shoes, clothes, school supplies, baseball clothes.
i've put a call into a lawyer about what iowa law actually is. the decree says 18 or completion of high school whichever comes later. i've looked online and found some information about college and paying, but is this required when the decree says done at high school?? what irritates me is my parents didnt help me pay for college - i went, i'm the one paying. how is it fair to force parents of divorced children to pay for their college?? the system is screwed up.

Comments

VioletsareBlue's picture

Submitted by VioletsareBlue on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 9:05am

If the CO says 18 or graduate high school then your DH, legally, has to financial obligation to SM. If he wants to help his son pay for college, that is different. I sure as hell wouldn't take out a personal loan, the kid can get a government student loan.

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 9:31am

yep, we've already crossed the 18 part, now we're just waiting on graduation in may. i'm not sure if this will cause bm to go back and have something about schooling put in effect for when ss16 has his turn in 2 years.
this shit is expensive - i didnt have kids - why am i worried about schooling?!?! oh yea because that's money from DH's pocket which means more $$ of out mine to cover bills he cant'!!!

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 9:29am

that's what i'm confused on - the decree says 18 or completion of high school, but bm is throwing out this shit of 1/3 for dh, bm, and skid. the decree says nothing about college, nor does it reference some passage for iowa law about paying. it's the most cut and dry decree i could imagine!!! god i hope the plainness lets us out of this financial burdon!!!
i too have looked into going back to school. i had done my fafsa, i had done everything in prep to go and then we talked to our tax man and found out we owed 5k in taxes. i had to stop my schooling process because there was no way we could pay taxes and have me going to school because i wouldnt be able to keep my full time job. the plan was i would have dropped to part time so i could go during the day and be done quicker. i know exactly how easy it is!!!

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 11:35am

what i'm confused about is apparently iowa has some 1/3 bullshit. so i'm wondering if there's nothing referencing that if we're off the hook or if that 1/3 takes effect since there's nothing in writing saying a diff plan....

JustAnotherSM's picture

Submitted by JustAnotherSM on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 12:07pm

I'm in IL too and I've seen this information about 1/3 college costs going to each BM, DH and skid. But I thought that if it was never stated in the original DD, then BM and skid would have to take DH to court and a judge would decide if or how much he had to pay.

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 12:51pm

i'm just mad at the fact that this is even a law. why should kids in divorced families yet again have the entitlement of having college paid for!?!?!? kids of still married parents could face having to pay for college by themselves, but if your parents are divorced here let us help you not have to pay that - you've been through enough with havign two of everything and knowing damn well you're making both your parents guilty, here lets add to your greedy little hands even more!!!
grrrrr

sweetthing's picture

Submitted by sweetthing on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 9:41am

Your husband has no legal obligation to pay if it isn't in the decree. I know that DH's says nothing about college and I have told him that I will divorce him if he ever allows BM to force him to pay for 1/2 or a 1/3 of anything. The kids need to man up, start saving, fill out financial aid & loan applications & get a job just like we did & almost everyone else I know.

Just because BM thinks it does not make it so.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 12:18pm

If it is not in the decree he can not be forced to pay. No one paid for my education, why the hell should you pay for his just because his parents are divorced. He should be applying for financial aid and scholarships from every organization he can. American Legion, KofC, BSA of America. There are countless scholarships available. He needs to apply for them. Just because she wants it doesn't make it so...

Tell DH that if she wants him to pay, she can take him to court and let a judge dictate. Do not write any checks and definitely do not take out a loan. A loan every year for four years, you will never be able to retire. We should not pay for our kids education, we should fund our retirement accounts....The ex is a fool to do it. Don't fall into that trap unless a judge dictates otherwise.

Move to GA, we have the Hope scholarship that pays 90% tuition if they have a 3.8 and 80% for a 3.5 GPA. Reason I left IL to move here. With Scholarships and Financial Aid, my son should be able to go to school without debt at least for undergrad.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 1:51pm

I think it's incorrect to say that if it's not in the decree, you do not have to pay. BM took us back to court on this issue and got the 1/3 wording included, ten plus years after their divorce. So DH is obligated to 1/3 of SD's college expenses, as is BM. Actually, BM tried to stick us with 1/2 but judge said 1/3. It stinks, BUT it's only until SD turns 21, and that will only be her junior year.

That being said, DH intended/intends to pay anyway, regardless of the decree. So we're stuck no matter what.