I do not like my Stepkids anymore
I have been with my husband for about 2 1/2 years now and he has three children (7.6, and 4)from his previous marriage. I am 26 years old and perhaps this is an age thing but I don't know. When I first met them they were awesome. I read to them, did crafts, had a real blast. However, for the past 6 months, I have feeling like the honeymoon is over for me. I can't stand them anymore because all they do is scream, whine, yell, have no manners, starting to become disrespectful, annoying and extremely dependent. I do not want them around me EVER because I get a headache, having dinner has become a nightmare. All they do is whine about not wanting to eat anything on their plates, extremely disgusting with their poop talk, and always screaming. NOt to mention they are ungrateful brats who always want more and never gives back. I think their parents should expose them to some charity work so they can see how other people live.
They are always touching my stuff, my computer, playing with my phone and destroying things in the home and cars. I recently got another dog and the oldest one had the nerve to kick him because my 7 month old dog licked him. I want this kid out of my life like yesterday. He kicks, hits and bullies his brother and sister, constantly having them crying and screaming. I always have to step in and break up the fights. I can't find a moment of peace in my own house. Just hearing they are coming over makes me want to go into a hole and hide until they leave. Once they are here, can't wait for them to leave. I now pretend to be sleeping or working in a secluded room. I recently got bolts for all the doors in the house because they do not knock, they just barge in even though we tell them to knock. My husband and I have an amazing relationship and we are expecting our first child soon and I don't want them here when I deliver. Just thinking about the exhaustion and the draining of energy is driving me crazy.
The kids do not know anything is wrong yet, because their behavior is directed to everyone not me. I am fedup with them but they always want to be around me and I feel guilty because the feeling is no longer mutual. My husband and I are never intimate when they are here because they are so draining, we can't have an adult conversation because they always need attention. My husband and I are trying to work on this day by day but he is not the custodial parents, so for the most part we are always correcting behaviors which sometimes are succesful but rarely. I don't want to go on vacations with them and am thinking about spending the remainder of my pregnancy at my family's house because they are here every other weekend and 2 days every week.
Welcome Does DH do anything
Welcome
Does DH do anything to correct the kids when they're misbehaving? I've often found that DH's lack of disciplining and handing out reasonable punishments for bad behavior is tge problem. These kids are still very young and are still learning what's appropriate and what's not. They need their parents to step up and teach them that. If the bioparents can't seem to do that, they should look into parenting classes.
I think that if DH steps up his parenting efforts.you'll find yourself feeling a lot less resentful.
Also, it can't hurt for you (and DH) to talk with others who have kids in that age range and to do some reading on what's appropriate behavior & consequences for kids their ages, so you both can have a better idea of what to expect from kids their ages.
Thank you and I do agree that
Thank you and I do agree that this is more a parenting issue than it is the kids. I have talked to him before about this behavior and he is very receptive but the behaviors we are trying to correct are not being enforced back at the BM home who is the custodial parent. We only have them for 2 hours on the weekdays and its a night mare. He is always stressed and frustrated trying to change behaviors but in the little time we have it's hard to do it because it is not being reinforced at their permanent residence. My husband and his ex do not co-parent thus it is impossible to discuss discipline problems with her.She always gets off focus and brings up the divorce. Whenever the kids goes home and tells her we punish them, she sends off emails about being abusive and all that garbage when her oldest son is terrorizing everyone around him.
As a result, my dislike for them is getting worst each time because we are really trying everything but I don't know how much longer I can tolerate these behaviors. I surely do not want them here interacting and stressing me out when the baby is here and I feel bad about that because I want them to have a great relationship. I am trying to get back into older routines with them but it only last for 5 minutes before it goes south.
Has DH ever considered
Has DH ever considered mediation with BM or going to court for more time with the kids? Right now mediation might be your best option. Does it always work? No. However, I do know that there are good mediators out there and its worth researching. Be inquisitive and thorough in searching for a good mediator and give them a brief synopsis of the situation.
That's been my dh excuse for
That's been my dh excuse for the last few years. "I dont have him full-time" "BM is not going to discipline him at her house either". It is an excuse. If your dh sets firms rules and gives them a consequence each time then they will learn what is acceptable behavior in YOUR home. They may still walk all over bm at her house-but they can learn to follow rules at yours. Just like many kids can follow school rules, but then act like hellions at home.
These kids are little. Put them to bed at 7pm on the weekends when you have them. Gives you and dh time together. The 2 hours during the week-I'm not sure about it. What do you do during this time? Thats not very much time. Perhaps your dh can take them to the park? You can relax at home. Can you trade the 2 2hr vists to 1 4hr visit-so there will be less disrupted evenings at home and there might actually be sometime to settle in before leaving again?