For the past week and a half or so anything my DH does that doesn't go my way (even when it might be unfair to him) really upsets me and I start getting flushed and half the time break down and cry. I know it's mostly because of my pregnancy hormones, but I'm sure all the pent up resentment and neglect I'm feeling from having ZERO alone time with him for almost a month isn't helping. I constantly nag him because we carpool to work.. we work in the same building, and have almost the same work hours. Mine are about 0630 to anywhere from 1500-1600 (3pm-4pm), and his work hours are 0700 to 1600 plus however much time he has to stay late to work, or he works out in the gym at work at least three times a week.

A lot of times my boss tells me to get out of here around 3 or 3:15, and I can't, because I have to wait on DH to either get off, or go work out. I understand that staying healthy is important to him, but I'm only getting anywhere from 5 to 7 hours of sleep a night, and even though I already feel drained all day, working a ten hour day is EXHAUSTING. I like to get in afternoon naps after work if I can, so I CAN spend quality time with him after the skids go to bed between 8 and 8:30. He doesn't want to take separate vehicles because gas will get expensive (we have a v6 car and a v8 truck), and on the days I do wait for him, after we get off work we STILL have to go pick up skids from daycare then bring them home. By that time it's almost dinner time, which I do like to cook to ease his household responsibilities, then bath time, bed time, and DH tries to do any and all chores he can in between.

I just can't get over the feelings of neglect I feel because he can't somehow find time to be with me besides nights. I love our nights together, but since I've been pregnant I'm just so tired, and I think he's getting frustrated because I haven't had much energy to have sex, and according to him, "One night a week of sex isn't going to satisfy me." Sigh. He's such a sweet guy and then he's not sometimes.

We go to a weekly class called Family Expectations that's all about strengthening Mom and Dad's relationship so that it will be better for the new baby. Last night we learned Speaker-Listener Technique, which basically means one of us holds the "mic" and says a statement that explains how we feel and then the listener has to paraphrase it back to the speaker.. i.e., some of mine were "I feel like it's very hard for me to focus on positive things, and it makes me feel helpless," "When we don't plan special time just for us to be alone, I feel neglected and depressed," and "When we don't take breaks sometimes to spend some time together, I feel sad," etc.. needless to say, I started crying while I was trying to sputter all of this and more out. This goes on until I feel like he understands what I'm trying to explain, then I give it to him and HE makes statements too. What I found out is that he feels overwhelmed because he takes on almost everything, and he feels like he is holding everything together. Yes, he does a LOT of the household chores and I feel very lucky for this.. but I also don't ask him to clean 24/7. It would be nice sometimes if he could take a break and relax with me. I try to relax as much as I can and I'm STILL super stressed all the time. Will this anxiety ever go away? My shortness of breath has gotten worse this past week ever since my hormones started making me super sensitive, and my psychologist confirmed my fears that I might have pregnancy related depression. She said it's only a depression with a lowercase d, whatever that means, but I still feel sad and hopeless a lot. I feel bad for putting all of these feelings and expectations on DH, but if he says I'm as important as skids are, and he can take out time everyday to play and spend quality time with them, why can't I get the same benefit?

Sorry, this turned into one long gripefest..