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Disengage! How?

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 8:08am

I've seen it talked about here, but never really read up on it. I think it's time! How do I start, what do I do

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justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 8:20am

lol as of now we are not seeing the skids. Complicated and what is going to be a drawn out battle, but in the mean time I need to disengage from BF, this is not my fight. His words not mine!

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 8:32am

How old are they? There are some things that are more difficult and tricky to disengage from. Are you saying he's going to be in a drawn out court battle? That is a costly endeavor. Might be harder to disengage when the legal bills are trickling in.

They are 3 and 6. Yes court battle!

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Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 1:01pm

I live in NJ, we have separate finances, with or with out him I can afford things on my own, did it before him, can do it after! Not young and childless.

I've tried being there for him and supporting him, and time after time he takes his anger out on me instead of BM. I know he's hurting, and he misses his boys, but I'm on your side dude!

Little back round, he hasn't seen the kids in 6 weeks, he just got papers from her lawyer yesterday, she withheld visits for 6 weeks before getting legal advise. I told him she can't do that there is a CO in place, her or her lawyer should have filed for an emergency hearing if she felt he was a danger to the kids, which is just bull. I lost my shit worse then him when we got the papers yesterday, I just want to protect him and guide him. I've been thru the family courts with my own bios. No matter what I do or say it doesn't seem to be enough!

Time to just sit back and let him deal on his own. Disengage? I guess?

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 8:27am

@tskarbow Thank you, you use the smile and nodd. The fights are all the time and they get so nasty, and I will admit sometimes I take my anger about the whole situation out on him as well, because I am so angry and hurt FOR HIM and I have no out let for my feelings, his out let is me! UGH!!

I just don't understand what this women is thinking, she has broken him down and shattered this man for years, and all I'm left with is little peices of what used to be a good man that I m trying to put back together. He is still a good man, but broken beyond repair. So why after 8 years of a toxic relationship must she continue to make him miserable and use his boys to do it. OH I know CONTROL!!

The last 6 weeks has broken us both down as people, it is damaging our realtionship, we are both screaming on top of our lungs for help and it's like no one can hear us. The more I try to help the more damage I seem to do!! SIGH no one is helping me, I feel like I'm suffocating! I love this man and it is going to take all I have to disengage from this situation. Smile and Nodd!!!

JAG

lol my captcha the first 2 letter is BM how funny