Introducing Children the right way
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I am looking for advice from people who have gone throught what I am about to .I am a divorced father of one.I have been devorced for three years ,and have a new partner in an other city.We also have been blessed with a child , but the first child has never met my partner or his step sister.
My son is five my daughter two and I woud very much like to start sharing life with them together. My elationship with my Ex is good and our focus is to handel the above properly.
Any advice?
Wow, I can't believe
Wow, I can't believe daughter is 2 and hasn't met son... how have you managed that?
As for meeting ... it's hard and people do it differently. I would not have agreed that the way my DH did it was right (introducing me right way), but his logic was good and it worked out just fine.
Your son is young enough that he isn't going to understand the concept of step, half, or biological. I'd probably just introduce your SO and daughter by saing "this is my girlfriend ____ and her son _____ . Daddy has known them for _____, and they are very important to me." Just kind of leave it at that for awhile ...
~ Katrina
I am a little taken back.
Have questions for you? Why has your children not met? That seems very odd to me. He is 5 and she is 2, your main problem is going to be I think, anyways, is the fact that you have to balance your love for both of them, so neither of them feel left out or unloved? Jealous of each other? You know. Although you may be in luck with the 2 year old ,she is so young that it will probably all be ok. Let things happen naturally!
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
They are pretty young...
And the younger, the better. They will probably adapt to it fine. You should probably do a lot of talking to them each ahead of time, show each of them a picture of the other child and say, "This is _____, (s)he's your brother/sister." Do this several times over a period of, I don't know, a few weeks so that by the time they actually do meet, they are excited about it. Your son will probably like the idea of playing "big brother" to his little sister and your daughter will likely follow him around like he's a little god or something. As for introducing your partner, I wouldn't introduce her by using her name, rather than a title... this is "Anne," rather than this is your stepmother, this is my girlfriend, this is my plumber, etc. One relationship at a time is enough for your son to have to deal with. He can and probably will develop a relationship with your partner over time, but I wouldn't spring that one on him yet. Oh, and introduce them to each other as "your brother" and "your sister." They aren't steps. They are halfs, since they have one parent in common. But in my opinion and in our home, all the kids are brother/sister... we don't acknowledge the half or the step thing at all. It's just easier that way.
I'm kind of in a similar boat. My husband and I have two children, 9 and 4, plus my husband has three children in another state, 15, 14 and 12. We haven't seen the skids in two years due to their mother not letting us have them and then us moving away, so our daughter, who was two the last time we had the skids, has no memories of her half-brother and half-sisters. I have no idea if they will ever have a relationship and it really bothers me a lot. But we do show her pictures regularly and she knows their pictures by name, we let her know that these kids are her siblings and, hopefully, if/when they do ever get to be together again, she'll think of them that way. It's tough. Children are resilient and they also give off good clues, so watch how they act/react and go with your gut. You'll be fine.
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)