So my fiance and I started dating about 4 and 1/2 years ago and have been living together for 3 years now. We have a total of 3 children, 13yr. M; 10yr. F; and a 1yr. M; the 1 yr old is ours together. I knew upon making the decision to share a household as a whole family all the time was going to be a challenge but WOW. Everything is just spiriling slowly out of control. The two older kids were not raised how I would have raised my kids at all nor how my Fiance would have raised them either but they did have 2 parents that shared time 50/50. His ex-wife is; well; Im pausing cause I don't want to say bad things about people but I feel like I have to to get it out of me. She is a liar, a manipulator, a cheater, cold hearted, very immature, not there for her children like a mother should be. She has put the kids down and smashed their self esteem, chosen a very abusive manipulative man that has a wife and their BM living in the same house and several other women outside of the home, which is ok im not saying thats a bad thing just not a way I would choose to live myself. From what the kids say she makes them stay in their rooms (which is just the basement) for hours at a time, they are not allowed to talk or play with any of the other children in her home and one happens to be a biological brother that she and her BF had, they are not allowed to talk a play together either. Bottom of the line is she has damaged these kids immaculately and now has abandonded them and left a huge mess for me to clean up!!

The 13 yr. old boy is a very loving, compassionate boy who does pretty good in school just disruptive in class alot, he tends to be pretty dis-respectful, has to control every situation and everybody in the house, he does not know his place and is constantly struggling to be on top and the center of attention. He is very un-organized and very lazy and forgets EVERYTHING!! Probably sounds typical but I think he is a little more overbearing and scattered than what his potential is. I have been building him up and doing what I can within my means to support him in every way and show him a good life but it is only very slowly and in spurts helping. After the 3 week school break this winter we checked his grades and he had 3 out of 6 grades that were Fs Im not sure but I think it was something to do with his first thanksgiving and christmas without BM, he said it wasnt and that he just got lazy but first quarter he had all As, Bs, and maybe 1 C. Its just a cycle and Im tired of going around and around having to bite my tounge and tip toe around or find an "escape" through reading, music or going with family and friends alone, all that does is dis-connect me from my family. Right when I think its all fading away and feeling really good and happy we crash hard and have to start over.

The 10 yr. old girl is a whole other story. My fiance says she is just like her Mother and he doesn't know how to handle the situation!! Ok well, leave me to deal with it then; both of the parents!! Im kind of a tuff love, ok not kind of, I am a tuff love type of person and have had a very difficult past of my own, way worse than what these kids have. I know that my SD loves her Mother ALOT, she only tells me every 5 min. how much she loves and misses her, and its been a year of this now. I totally understand and except it everytime she says it and asks her if I can do anything for her, hugs, love, kisses, girl time, whatever she wants I want her to feel comfortable with me. She gets in between me and her Dad all the time (litterally inbetween us) watching movies, walking hand in hand, kissing, in the bedroom, when she wants us to be apart she will call him to another room for absolutely no reason, he kind of sees what is going on and he does stand ground sometimes which is a help but I don't think he fully understands how she treats me and that she does not want us together, it causes stress and arguments a lot between him and I. She irritates me on purpose, she takes my son and acts like he is hers and shuts me completly out, she lies, steals, hurts peoples feelings on purpose, an all out Drama queen and also always wants the center of attention!! What about me and our youngest?? It's just not fair. She has opened up to me a couple times and told me her Mom told her how to deal with a "Step-Mom" or whatever and that she can not call me Mom and that I am not her Mom and she does not have to listen to me. Now; this little girl is very smart, intellectually and is pretty well behaved at school she gets excellent grades (Thank God) So thats about the only thing I can look at her and think about that is a positive so I am constantly reminding myself of this to keep our relationship decent other wise I would probably have some choice words with a 10 yr. old that would tear our family apart. She is soooooo argumentive, if I told her the sky was blue she would argue with me, she is probably the most self-centered little girl I have ever had close contact with and she won't even attempt to see any other point of view but hers and nobody is smarter or prettier than her, but at the same time I see her self esteem and how low it is when she interacts with her GFs, she starts the rumors or the she said this to turn and talk to the other girl involved with she said that stuff and only has maybe 3 friends at school. Her Father put her into counseling and that lasted about 9 months and the counselor said she thinks she is alot better now and she hasnt been since Nov. Well, recently I did something horrible...I found her diary and read it It upset me pretty bad and I felt I couldn't tell anybody cause that is invasion of privacy but I broke down and talked to her Dad after a couple weeks. He was not upset about it at all but he still has not had a conversation with her about it yet. Everything in there was comparing me to her Mom, negative, she doesn't like me, she draws very disturbing pics of how she portrays me. She draws x x for all the eyes and recently I saw pics in her brothers room of him and their Grandma (Moms Mom) that had been hanging up for quite sometime but his eyes were gouged out. CREEPY!! They weren't like that until recently. I am sometimes afraid of her and wonders if she would ever try to hurt me or my son. These last two issues have put me to this point and I don't know what to do. She also treats me totally different infront of her Dad, she acts really nice I'm so lost and confused right now! Her parents divorced when she was only 2 months old so the theory of her thinking Im replacing her Mom with her Dad doesn't seem logical. I just don't know! I dread the time she comes home from school or comes home ever, she thinks she is the queen and runs this household and in a way she does. I try not to show her what she does and says upsets me but I can only let that eat at me for so long before I break down or out. I have viciously attacked her verbally before, letting her know I am here and the Parent so she can't treat me like this, it's my house and my rules, and I have even slapped her in the mouth once. I would never treat my own children this way so its hurting me more than I think it is her.

All I can do is try to make it through this one day at a time and try not to hold a grudge on her forever. It's not their fault that they only know life as they do and I'm trying to help but now I need help!!!! I just don't understand why the boy treats me soooo much better and appriciates the things I do at least sometimes and she does exactly the opposite and puts her BM on a pedestal and treats me like crap, BM hasnt even talked to the kids but one time in a year and it was at the counselors, she put all the blame on them for her walking out and thats the last they heard from her, she won't answer the phone or voice messages and she didn't even call the boy on his 13th Birthday, what kind of Mother can live knowing these things! The girls birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and im afraid of what she is going to act like, the last time she visited her BM was her birthday!!!