Hello and welcome! I feel your pain and I'm sure others will as well. Teenagers
Especially GIRLS are crazy!!
I have a SD turing 14 on Sat and BD almost 12 and BS9 and a BS4. It is rough. SD has moved in with us FT for about 7/8 months or so.
I have been with her since she was about 2ish; it is rough - very rough at times.
I try a lot and then I don't becuase I am sick of getting treated like sh**. Dad does or DID not see the light for months after she moved in; not buying anything that his perfect princess did. NO WAY.

Needless to say, she is grounded from her phone, laptop, friends, and even house phone (all my suggestions) after being caught sneaking out for the second time in 4 months. I am praying his eyes stay open.
Sometimes it takes something (hopefully not a big something) for these parents to wake up!! While we are in no way shape or form "good" in our relationship I hope this was a leap forward.

I have told him recently if things DO NOT change I am taking my 3 kids and going.
I hope he wouldn't let that happen after all these years.

Make DH see that it is very important for you two to be on the same page - at least in front of her..........Good luck

I find it weird that your dh isn't bothered by it. My dh can't stand for ss to fight with our bios or when our bios want nothing to do with ss. I am the opposite of you, though. I wish that ss wasn't a part of my bios lives. He just brings in so much negativity- jealousy, fighting with them, habits from home, etc that I don't wan my bios to pick up. Just don't worry about sd and focus on your own child. If your dh hasn't said anything about how sd treats his own son then talk to him about how it makes you feel. I'd he still doesn't do a thing then just let it go. Minimize the time she is around your son and you. Let her be her dad's problem.

Teenagers can be very difficult to deal with. Her hormones are probably raging. She might have a host of other issues going on too- she's probably jealous of the fact that BS gets to see DH every day, where she does not.

I think your DH needs to read up on teenage girls and find some good advice on how to develop a good relationship with her at her age. Do they like any of the same things? They could do those things together. There is tons of advice for dads on this stuff on the internet.

He also needs to talk with her about her behavior and this situation. I say "with" instead of "two" because it should be a two-way discussion. She should be allowed to talk about how she feels so DH can better help her. He does need to call her out on her treatment of BS, and say something like, "I know you're dealing with a lot of complicated issues and feelings right now regarding life and the divorce, but your treatment of BS is unacceptable. He is not responsible for your mom and my not being together. It's not his fault that you don't get to see me every day. I love you and you can always talk with me about how you're feeling, but you cannot take it out on BS." And he needs to outline and follow through on specific consequences if she continues to mistreat BS.

You might want to check out this website. Ron Deal is a successful stepfamily expert and I really like his advice. He has a lot of helpful tips and information for stepkids, stepparents and bio-parents: http://www.successfulstepfamilies.com/

Also, here are some article results for DH on how to build a relationship with SD: http://www.google.com/search?q=ron+deal&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-Searc...

Ummm uphill battle.

One thing I noticed when I had my youngest child. My oldest (DD) was nearly 10 and she was not happy I was pregnant. How dare we! We were fine with 3 kids. Why did we need another one? And this was when her father and I were still married.

My manager at work is pregnant. Her 10 yr old daughter is giving her the same grief.

For 10 yrs she had her father all to herself. And then the new stepmom wants to have her OWN family. And maybe in her mind this is what her half brother is ... YOUR family and not hers.

I wouldn't worry about her ignoring him. I would rather she thought he was a pest than get all goggly eyed about babies and cuuuuttteee he is and the next thing you know she is pregnant herself because she wants her OWNNNN baby.

If I were you I would back WAAAAY off. She doesn't need you, she has a mother. So the trips to bond haven't worked has it? So why keep trying to do the same thing and expect a different result?
No errands to get her fav. ice cream. No mani/pedis. Go on your own. She will get the idea soon enough.

I would ask her father to speak to her about having good manners though. Pleases and thankyous. No eye rolling or other shitty behaviour. And in return she will spend minimal time with you.

I expect she is just pissed off with the world. Dad and Mom get divorced. Dad remarries someone who tries to push into her life. Then they had SEX and have a baby...ewwwww! OMG! How gross!

The more you pull back the more she will want your attention. And the stealing thing? Want to know how many mascaras found their way into my daughter's bedroom?

Just hide the stuff. I use a box marked with "Taxes 2008" What kid will think to look in a Tax document box?

Sounds very normal to me. Snotty little brats they are!